Wednesday, July 25, 2012

WHO IS MAXWELL DUMPED FIRST WIFE?

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell Dumped First Wife,

Yesterday I wrote a post about search terms currently used by weird and creepy interesting people in order to find my blog. If you are one of the losers who missed the post, you can see it here.

One of the search terms questions the identity of Maxwell Dumped First Wife. I responded that Dumped First Wife is not Maxwell's last name.

Then the great Maxwell himself made the following hilarious comment:

I think I shall adopt that as my new name, then start a business where I specialize in informing women they are about to be divorced in over-the-top ways. Like hire a marching band to walk down her street and play the song "Tequila" really loudly at 6am and then run up to her door and, when it comes time for the music to stop and me shout the word "tequila," I instead shout "you're divorced!" and hand her the divorce papers.

Videotaping it to put on YouTube will be extra. Though recommended.


That's my darling Maxwell. How can I help but love him?


However, then I received another comment from beloved new reader Alessandra, whose bloghouse is at  http://alexsblogginglife.blogspot.com/, and if you don't follow her you should. This was her question:


SInce I'm relatively new to your blog, you must illuminate me, is Maxwell your ex? Are you still on good terms with him? I'm assuming so since he posted on your blog.


Yes, darling. Maxwell is my ex, or at least one of them. He was the fourth of my six husbands. Or was he the third? I simply cannot remember.


Ah, Alex, I jest with you. I darn near rolled on the floor laughing when you asked if I'm on good terms with Dr. X. 




Then I called all my friends so they could laugh, too.
After that, I did the chicken dance.

Alex, do you get the impression that maybe Dr. X and I are not friends?

We'll say no more.

Instead, I'll explain about Maxwell. Maxwell and I have followed each other for quite sometime now, but he isn't blogging lately. He's too busy getting laid working. He moved in with Girlfriend. But if you'd like to see Maxwell's blog, he's at . . . wait just a minute . . . 

Maxwell WAS at Misanthropy Chronicles, which has been removed. And that darn Maxwell didn't even tell me he'd taken away his blog. I'm not too terribly surprised, though. I knew that, in his heart, Maxwell was never really a misanthrope.

But back when he pretended to be our resident curmudgeon, he told me he didn't like being called a gentle reader. So the salutation on my blog became what it is now: Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell.

Recently, Maxwell told me he no longer needed his own separate greeting because he wasn't as feisty as he used to be. That's what a happy home life and not being so damn horny will do for a man. 

I tried to write the salutation without the "and Maxwell," and discovered that it made me uncomfortable. I've gotten used to recognizing my dear Maxwell in our own special way. Maxwell's misanthropy always made me smile, and when he comments on my blog, it makes my day. In reality, Maxwell is a very nice young man who is madly in love with Girlfriend. I believe they will marry one of these days. I hope I get invited to the wedding so I can send a very expensive gift.

Stay in love, Maxwell. It does you good.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

19 comments:

  1. Oh Janie, you shouldn't have....(ok, maybe you should have). You won't believe my surprise when I saw the title of your post, I am so honored that you picked my little comment to write your post on. Now I get it about Maxwell, forgive me for being a little slow, with an name like 'Dumpedfirstwife" who wouldn't think you and your ex get along marvelously? (Insert sarcastic sneer here). Thank you so much for the shout out, you're too kind, the check's in the mail....
    Now we just have to get Maxwell back to blogging, girlfriend or not.
    I'm so glad I found your blog, you rock (and I love the pics of your doggies).
    xoxoxo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like that sarcastic sneer of yours.

      Delete
  2. Well hello, me and my own post today...

    I took the blog down because, as part of this new job, I had to have an extensive background check. And while I didn't think it could be traced to me, I didn't want to take the chance. Plus, since I'd been posting less than once per month, it seemed time.

    Also, your wish is my command, so Girlfriend shall henceforth be called "Fiance."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maxwell, You and Fiance have made me the happiest mommy in the blogosphere.

      Delete
    2. Mazel Tov Maxwell, and I've missed your blog and comments. I miss Mrs. Pickle and Whiskey Girl too...good times.

      Delete
  3. I actually hadn't known the reason for including Maxwell separately in your greeting, but I didn't seem to think twice about it because it oddly fit anyway. Now that I know, he definitely needs his separate greeting! I also laughed over the idea of you and Dr. X being on good terms....*smirk....*giggle...*hehehe...*HAHAHAHA!
    Please excuse me as the laughing has started up again!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are so funny, Maggie. And I think "oddly" is a good way to describe everything about my blog. I do it oddly.

      Delete
  4. Too funny. As someone who has followed for a long time... (I believe I was number 17) I never did know why Maxwell was singled out.

    And now I know, it was just because he is that special. :) We are back, safe and sound from your neck of the woods. Perhaps next time we will be closer to you and you can meet the holy terrors that I call "the boys"...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I happen to like holy terrors, but also have no problem staring them into submission with my Darth Vader look.

      Delete
  5. LOL! You two could make soooo much money if you became the divorce arrangers :) So many divorce greeting would become memorable.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Well . . . I guess they already are memorable. But you know what I mean ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, middle child, I know what you mean. Of course, some of us would like to forget receiving the papers. If only they'd given me a little morphine to take when I got home from the hospital and that lovely man showed up to serve me as Dr. X called, Honey, come to the door!

      Delete
  7. Perhaps Maxwell could guest post on your blog every now and then? :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I would love that! How about it, Maxwell?

      Delete
  8. I'm just looking forward to a relaxing, laid back, visit....then Stud showed me EXACTLY where you live....damn! I'd be halfway home to Indiana!!

    But, we're planning to come anyway. You'll get a giant 'heads up' so you can disappear with Maxwell.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maxwell will not disappear with anyone except Fiance, and that makes me happy.

      Delete
  9. Well now, I'm so glad I know all about Maxwell. LOL!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I really don't know how anyone could live without knowing about Maxwell.

      Delete

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