Monday, January 13, 2014

CELEBRATING LIP LOCK: MY ONE THOUSANDTH POST CELEBRATION

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

As promised, I'm presenting my top ten most popular posts as part of my one thousandth post celebration. Lip Lock was first published on July 17th, 2012. I'm not sure why it's been so popular.

It's #4 on my top ten hits list, and here it is after 1,159 page views:




Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I have had many discussions with people, some of them actual friends (I DO TO HAVE FRIENDS), about the reason people in olden golden times didn't smile when they had their pictures taken.

We've always reached the conclusion that it was the custom then. Besides, if you had your photo taken once in your life, or maybe once every twenty years, then it was a serious occasion. You wouldn't be flashing them pearly whites.


Or maybe having your picture taken was frightening. What could possibly come out of that machine? Would the flash blind you for the rest of your life?

And then there are the people who couldn't bring themselves to smile cuz they were mean and grouchy as a result of constipation (my opinion of Milton).

But recently I was sitting in one of those restaurants where they have pretend old photos on the walls, and a thought struck me. Slapped me right on the jaw. Yes! I had an epiphany!

Maybe most of those people didn't smile for the same reason I don't: I hate the way I look when I smile. I don't have gorgeous pearly whites. I'm not that crazy about the way I look from the neck up even with my mouth closed, but I really hate a picture that shows my teeth. I never had the orthodontic work I needed.

In olden golden times, folks probably tended to have rotten teeth, or no teeth, or crooked teeth, or . . . who knows?

But as the years passed, more and more people -- except in England -- saw dentists and orthodontists and had toothbrushes and toothpaste. Crest was invented. And as the years pass, we start to see people smiling in photos.
Courtney Cox's High School Yearbook Photo

Halle Berry (now that's a smile)
It's always been my contention that Princess Diana
was revered in England because she was
the only person with nice teeth. *See note after post, please.
Perhaps, after dementia sets in, you'll be able to take a photo of me with my mouth open. I imagine it will look something like this:


I think I still have a few good years, though. Perhaps as many as three or four. So until my ability to keep my mouth closed for photos ends, please keep in mind the following: Do not even think of taking a picture of me when I'm unaware that you have a camera, and my mouth is open. If you take that picture, then obviously you hate me, and I'll show you some serious teeth.

By the way, Favorite Young Man and The Hurricane saw an excellent orthodontist. They have beautiful smiles, and they show off their pretty teeth every time a camera is pointed at them.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug, the insecure one


*Note: People of the U.K., please do not write a million comments telling me how nice your teeth are. I know that dental work has improved in your country. At least a dozen of you have had the braces you needed.

She's from London.

She's from Devon.

Camilla Parker-Bowles' High School Yearbook Picture






36 comments:

  1. Great post! I think that is exactly the reason people did not smile back then. Thank God for modern dentistry.

    My dad spent a fortune on my braces and I smile all the time, just so he can recoup his investment. No one throws $100 bills my way for me flashing them a grin, but one can always hope.

    best,
    MOV

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    Replies
    1. Good for Dad. Braces are a worthwhile investment. I'm so proud of my kids' teeth I might even smile . . . when no one is looking.

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  2. I think you're on to something with the smiling thing. Only the wealthy had nice wooden pretty teeth. The rest, well they just needed enough to fight in the militia... which would be two, one on the top and one on the bottom. :)

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    1. They needed one on top and one on the bottom to bite the opponent when their weapons failed them, right?

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  3. BINGO! By George, I think you've got it! Dental care was scarce, at best, in them good old days, and even when it became more prevalent, a lot of people couldn't afford it, or simply didn't give a jolly damn about their teeth. My college roommate was very self-conscious about her teeth, and never showed them when she smiled, and usually held her hand over her mouth when she laughed. Dunno why; I thought she was beautiful. As we grew older, she lost some of that earlier self-consciousness, and in the months before she died of cancer, she was flashing her pearly whites quite often. Ironic, isn't it? (Oh, naughty girl, those pics of the "Brits" are just plain mean... FUNNY... TRUE... but mean...)

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    1. I love being naughty. It brings me such joy. Maybe it's because I was so well behaved when I was younger.

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  4. Hi Janie, this post is so funny, you're a riot. I totally agree with the teeth thing, until I had mine reworked I always looked pissed off in my photos. I think people in the olden times didn't have any teeth, cause they had never heard about brushing, flossing or gargling. And yes, people from England do not have the best teeth in the world, even the actors on tv etc. do not spend a lot of money on their smiles, maybe it's because it rains so darn much, everybody is too pissed to go to the dentist....
    Love your blog :)

    ReplyDelete
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    1. too pissed to go to the dentist -- that's funny

      Actually, The Hurricane has had more than one British boyfriend and they all had nice teeth. Shame on me for making fun of my lovely British friends. Shame!

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  5. I usually don't like to crack a giant smile because it winds up making my face look fat. :)

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    1. So when you smile, people wander around, shaking their heads and saying, Poor fat-faced Rick. We would like him if it weren't for that fat face.

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  6. I am not a fan of my smile because I have a very gummy smile since my front teeth are quite short. Thankfully though, I got my dad's naturally straight teeth and didn't have to have braces or anything. My sis did though..hehehehe ;)

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    1. Why, Maggie, I'm surprised at you. That's actually quite an evil little hehehehe. Good job.

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    2. I have to take what I can get when it comes to the gene pool pickings between my sis and myself. She got the super high metabolism and the only times she has ever weighed slightly more than me was both times she was heavily pregnant (which I did rub in!) and she has the good eyesight, can tan, and is taller. I've always said that she got the good genes but I got the "genes" you had to lay on the bed, suck it in, and squeeze into!

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    3. I used to have the skinny genes, and thus, the skinny jeans, but not anymore. I can never again attend a family gathering!

      Delete
  7. I was going to say it was because of the teeth that they didn't smile. Plus life was more serious back then. Growing up I had buckteeth so bad I could eat corn through a picket fence. Even on of my classmates, Joy, ask be to kiss her because her tonsils itched. Bitch! But plenty of dental work and I am the smoking hot hunk of hickey bate you see today.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank God dentistry made you the man you are, and that's the man for me.

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  8. Janie, you're so funny and the pictures do tell the story.

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    1. Thanks, Peaches. I even feel funny today. Or perhaps it's more accurate to say I feel I'm humorous.

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  9. Life was HARD. Photos were expensive, and they had to SIT STILL while the plate took the exposed picture. I doubt if mirrors were hanging on every wall and the finished product must have been cause for pride. Thank gawd for digital cameras so I can erase the photos of myself. Out of 20, I can usually save one.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. IF I allowed my photo to be taken, I might like one shot out of a thousand.

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  10. That may be a good reason not to smile, but I always thought it had more to do with how they took photos back then. You had to sit perfectly still for a period of time. I can imagine that it was harder to plaster a genuine smile on your face for any length of time without coming across blurry mouthed or garish. But teeth could have had a lot to do with it, too. ;)

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  11. I think you make an excellent point, but I had heard that the reason people didn't smile in photos was because they had to still for something like 10 or 20 minutes because it took so long for the photo to 'take' and smiling that long would be impossible. No clue if that's true, but that's the info I have in my head, anyhow :)

    And, by the way, my new blog is up and running, finally. Here's the link if you want to pop over and visit! WritesyDaisy.com

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Some other people said that about photos, too. I found your blog and added it to my reading list. Thanks for telling me how.

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  12. Camilla Parker-Bowles....BAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

    -andi

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  13. I have deep set eyes. When I smile in a photo, it looks as if they are closed unless I make a special effort to hold them wide open.

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    1. I once photographed a woman for a newspaper story and her eyes disappeared. I told her to keep them wide open and she looked ridiculously startled.

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  14. That mean thing you said about the Brits? Well-behaved women seldom make history.

    Okay, I have said it too.

    And, I needed braces very much when I was a child.

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    1. My new dentist is trying to talk me into braces. I still long for them, but I can't afford them and at this point in my life, why bother?

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    2. I forgot to say that The Hurricane used that quotation about women for her high school valedictory.

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  15. I think you've solved the mystery! Too funny!

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  16. Oh my goodness! lol England…

    I actually can't help but smile, even when I had braces. My senior year in high school though, I felt self-conscious and hardly smiled. My pictures for that year make me look like a gangster with an attitude. Ah well, nothing stops me now.

    Awesome post! Glad you re-posted it :D (<~ that's me grinning)

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    1. I like to smile with my lips held together very tightly, kind of like a puckered asshole.

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  17. I also do not like to smile in photos, why because I look stupid and fake and my teeth are not white but mostly I just don't look that good when I smile, well I don't think I do

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    1. I hate the way I look with a fake smile.

      Delete

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