Thursday, December 29, 2011

NAME GAME

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I am appalled by all the weird names floating around today. I wrote a post recently about one unusual name of which I heartily approve, that of Apple, but in the comments section, Julianna of Surviving Boys mentioned the following:

We knew people with the last name of Coffin. Fine right? They named their daughters Oak and Maple. No joke. And then there were the Tanners. They named their daughter Fawn.

I think Oak and Maple Coffin are particularly cruel monikers.

When I lived in Illinois, the Horneys were in the neighborhood. And haven't we all known someone with Dick as a first or last name?

Having one name that provokes teasing is bad enough. Parents, don't make it worse by naming your kid Maple Coffin.

Here are some "interesting" designations for you to check out at http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/WolfFiles/story?id=116513&page=1,

And for some rather unusual names celebrities have given to their kids, including Kal-El Cage (son of Nic), have a look at
http://www.cracked.com/article_15765_the-20-most-bizarre-celebrity-baby-names.html.  

However, the cracked.com article includes two names that, in my not at all humble opinion, don't belong on the list: the aforementioned Apple (child of Gwyneth Paltrow and the guy from Cold Play), and Coco (child of Courteney Cox and David Arquette). What's wrong with Coco? As in Chanel?

But some of these other names. Oi! My friend Mr. Fox said some celebrity parents should just plain send their kids to school with KICK ME signs on their backs. Mr. Fox chided Penn Jillette and wife in particular for naming their child Moxie Crimefighter Jillette.

TantrumAccording to the article: "Apparently, Jillette's wife had no middle name, and their theory was that you never use the middle name anyway so why not have some fun with it. This does not explain the "Moxie" part."

I certainly don't understand Moxie or Crimefighter. I'm glad to be plain old

Lola

P.S. I worked part-time at a department store for a while when I lived in Illinois. One day I helped a very nice lady fill out a credit card application. Her last name was long and complicated and I do not remember what it was. After spelling it for me, she said with a smile, No matter how tough that name is, it's better than my maiden name: Buttkiss.
I said, I bet you would have married just about anyone to get rid of that. 
custom smiley

29 comments:

  1. Why do so many celebrities give their kids stupid names?

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  2. Your last line really cracked me up!

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  3. That is so funny. Specially the Buttkiss. I know as I have said in my blog my name is so long it is really a headache specially when you have to fill forms. That's why I stick to Paps.
    www.thoughtsofpaps.com

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  4. I like the name Coco. This may sound silly, but I've always liked the name "Circuit" for a guy. I think it's so manly!!!

    Maple Coffin?? Oh God...Why would someone do that to their child?!

    I went to school with a Roman Numerals. Like, why would someone do that to their child?!

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  5. My ex worked with a guy whoes last name was BUTTS but the one that had me rolling was Vagina. He walked in and called out "Is there and airman Vagina here?" The kid stood up red faced and said 'It's pronounced VAGEENNA. I don't know who was more embarrassed. I laughed my butt off.

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  6. I love this little daugther Lola, look some my daughter when she have two or three and make the same, and still sometimes (lol)

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  7. I'm old fashioned too. Think of the child and what they will endure with the name you give them. Great post. Butkiss? haha. I would have tattooed lips on my ass if that was my birth name.

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  8. Years ago, Texas had a governor named HOGG. He had 2 daughters, IMA & URA.

    We used to have a beach house in a small California town. The paper printed local births & deaths. One day I saw that a little girl was born & that her parents named her EUTHANASIA. I read it again--no mistake.

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  9. I love the name Apple. So my fiances name is Richard and his friends call him Dick obviously. That's how we were introduced so that's what I call him too which wasnt weird for me because I have a grandfather named Richard who we call Grandpa Dick. The only time it gets weird is when I introduce my fiancé to someone new- I usually just stick with Rich.

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  10. I hated my maiden name.. When people asked me will I keep it when I was getting married I instantly said : No, can't wait to get rid of it :D

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  11. Lmao. I knew a Jim Shorts and once I met a Hairy Butts--I didn't want to see him naked . . . Ever ;)

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  12. Ew Coffin is a gross last name anyway, but it's not your fault if you get stuck with it. The Oak/ Maple part is, though.

    In high school, there was a girl named Crystal. Her last name? Chandelier. That's awesome.

    And there's a woman who comes into my store sometimes, her name is Catherine [middle name I don't remember] Kathryn. And a woman named Antoinette Marie.

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  13. 29 SOMETHING's comment reminded me--Norman LEAR named his daughter SHANDA.

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  14. hahaha Buttkiss, damn that would be embarassing. And celebrities just like to see their name in the paper, so they name their kids something stupid.

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  15. Lola, did I ever send you my secret post about my maiden name??? If not, let me know and I'll send it ASAP! :)

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  16. that is so funny :P
    good post

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  17. You don't want to know my name. :/

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  18. Ha! When choosing my kids' names I always checked first and middle names to make sure nothing was awry and THEN I made sure the initials didn't spell anything disgusting. You can't be too careful.

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  19. Princess, No you have not sent me your secret post. I can't wait to see it.

    Love,
    Lola

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  20. They're all better than Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116.

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  21. I had an HR manager named Carolann Bass. She married and took her husband's last name of Wierdo.

    Then there's the customer that comes into Tony's office often. Her name is Shirley Shirley.

    And then we have the poor woman on Route 3. Her name is That Phatho (Pronounced That Fat Ho.)

    Seriously, I could go on for days. :) And thanks for the linky love!

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  22. Bookmobile cards for schoolchildren I about fainted when I issued a card for a Mary Joan ***. That one's gonna stand out!

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  23. Until I read your closing line, I was going to make that very same joke about my first fiancee, whose last name was Horr.

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  24. We had a customer's whose name was Rusty Nail. But worse was one whose last name was Null. Doesn't sound bad, unless you're a programmer and the program says, "if field = null, skip". It took FOREVER to get Mr. Null's loan processes which required someone to change the last name in the system, process the paperwork and manually change the name on every document.

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