NAME GAME

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I am appalled by all the weird names floating around today. I wrote a post recently about one unusual name of which I heartily approve, that of Apple, but in the comments section, Julianna of Surviving Boys mentioned the following:

We knew people with the last name of Coffin. Fine right? They named their daughters Oak and Maple. No joke. And then there were the Tanners. They named their daughter Fawn.

I think Oak and Maple Coffin are particularly cruel monikers.

When I lived in Illinois, the Horneys were in the neighborhood. And haven't we all known someone with Dick as a first or last name?

Having one name that provokes teasing is bad enough. Parents, don't make it worse by naming your kid Maple Coffin.

Here are some "interesting" designations for you to check out at http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/WolfFiles/story?id=116513&page=1,

And for some rather unusual names celebrities have given to their kids, including Kal-El Cage (son of Nic), have a look at
http://www.cracked.com/article_15765_the-20-most-bizarre-celebrity-baby-names.html.  

However, the cracked.com article includes two names that, in my not at all humble opinion, don't belong on the list: the aforementioned Apple (child of Gwyneth Paltrow and the guy from Cold Play), and Coco (child of Courteney Cox and David Arquette). What's wrong with Coco? As in Chanel?

But some of these other names. Oi! My friend Mr. Fox said some celebrity parents should just plain send their kids to school with KICK ME signs on their backs. Mr. Fox chided Penn Jillette and wife in particular for naming their child Moxie Crimefighter Jillette.

According to the article: "Apparently, Jillette's wife had no middle name, and their theory was that you never use the middle name anyway so why not have some fun with it. This does not explain the "Moxie" part."

I certainly don't understand Moxie or Crimefighter. I'm glad to be plain old

Lola

P.S. I worked part-time at a department store for a while when I lived in Illinois. One day I helped a very nice lady fill out a credit card application. Her last name was long and complicated and I do not remember what it was. After spelling it for me, she said with a smile, No matter how tough that name is, it's better than my maiden name: Buttkiss.

I said, I bet you would have married just about anyone to get rid of that. 

WHO AMONG US . . .

Gentle Readers,

Earlier today I wrote an email to a beloved friend and asked the oft-heard, Who among us has not said that if women ran the world there would be no more wars?

Immediately after sending the email I pondered what I had written and realized I am no longer sure it's true.

With the likes of Sarah Palin in the spotlight, I fear we are no longer safe in the hands of a woman.

I thank the Good Lord that McCain was not elected president and we do not have Sarah Palin in line to be president. I will be surprised if she is elected president in her own right, but America is a strange place that's getting stranger all the time.

Infinities of love,

Lola

BULLIES

"European reaction to the Gabrielle Giffords Arizona shooting is seen strongly through the lens of the tea party rhetoric and as symptomatic of a superpower in decline and at the mercies of 'radical' politics."

Dear Ms. Palin:

You and your buddies who are all over radio and television preaching negativity are nothing but school yard bullies whose antics have gone too far.

I have no way of knowing if your "targets" in cross hairs on your Web site encouraged the gunman in Arizona to kill six people and injure 14 others, with political assassination of someone YOU targeted as his main intent.

But if you truly think you did nothing wrong, then why did you immediately remove the map of targets with cross hairs from your Web site after the shooting? And it came off your Facebook page soon after. Someone who believed she had nothing of which to be ashamed wouldn't hide the evidence.

You know, if you were a student in school who drew up such a hit list, you would be suspended at the very least but more likely expelled, sent to "alternative school," or whatever was required to keep you from being a danger to other students or from urging others to commit mayhem.

When I was a reporter, I wrote stories about a middle school student in Pennsylvania who had a hit list and was showing it off to other students, some of whom laughed, and some of whom were frightened. Fortunately, the principal found out and the student, who had a troubled past, was removed from the school. I can't tell you where she is because of privacy issues, the principal said to me, but she's gone.

Sarah, you need to attend "alternative school" so you can be taught that denigrating humankind and encouraging violence are not acceptable ways to solve problems in these United States. So, get your book bag, Sarah, clean out your locker, and get ready to learn. The staff at your new school will treat you with all the love and understanding every person deserves. You will learn how to problem solve by building up people, not tearing them down -- because tearing down people doesn't get us anywhere. It just leaves us with shattered human beings who are incapable of helping anyone else.

I have a story for you Sarah. This incident took place some years ago in an elementary school where I was a volunteer. A girl in the fifth grade was attacked by a boy who used a kick boxing move to leave her bruised, while students who were watching laughed and cheered for him. What was this girl's crime? She was too smart for her own good, people said. I even heard parents gossip about the incident and praise the behavior of the boy.

The girl did nothing to harm anyone. She was never violent; she didn't call the other children names; she didn't brag about her good grades. But the other students knew and they hated her for her superior performance because they were insecure and because America is a country that worships the uneducated bully.

Sarah, you are that bully.

Stop it. Stop it now. You have the opportunity to repent and shine a light for Bill O'Reilly, Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, and the other ranters and ravers to follow.

Do it, Sarah. For once, do what's right.

Lola