PENELOPE SPEAKS: I HAVE A VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE

 Hello. It is I, Penelope. How are you? I ask to be polite, not because I care. Right now I only care about events in my own home, where, as you know, I am in charge.

Before I make my announcement, I must discuss some private information with you. Please join me behind the couch. I don't want Mom Mom to hear us. She doesn't like it when I discuss her personal problems, but I simply must let you know what's happening so you can sympathize with me over the heavy burdens I bear.

I know it's crowded. Do your best to scooch in here with me.

Shhhhhh. Mom Mom is unhappy. It's all because of the bad work thing. Every year she's told if she's doing a good job or a bad job and if she'll get paid more. She used to be told, Good job, good hooman, you get more money. But last year and this year she was told, Bad job, bad hooman, no more money for you. 

Two years in a row of no more money while prices go up and Mom Mom works hard. Plus, the bad orange man got to move back into the house that's white. We all know he makes everything worse. All the smart hoomans feel sick when they see him.

Wait a minute.

Mom Mom went outside to read so we don't have to whisper. Back up! You can get out of here and quit crowding me. 

Mom Mom didn't expect that two years in a row she would be told bad hooman, and she was very upset when it happened. She cried. 

She took a break from the bad work thing.

Then she took a leave of absence, and she hasn't worked in months and months and years and years. That would be fine with Princess and me if Mom Mom weren't so sad. She went into a depreciation.

The clients at the stupid work tell Mom Mom, Thank you, hooman. You are nice to us. You are patient. You explain everything to us and make our documents correct.

The stupid work tells Mom Mom, You are naughty, hooman. Don't be so nice. Stop explaining. You must be fast fast fast. They have her listen to what other hoomans do at work and tell her to be like those hoomans. But those hoomans break the rules! Mom Mom got into trouble before for not following the rules. Now she doesn't know if she's supposed to follow the rules or not! Everything is confoosed. 

Mom Mom says she must got back to stupid work soon because we need money, but she has anxiousiety about work. She does not know what is right and what is wrong! 

I do not understand why we need to get money. The piece of plastic money is always the same. It doesn't get smaller. We can use it to buy anything we need. 

If she does the stupid work, then Mom Mom might get depreciated again. When she is depreciated, Mom Mom sleeps a lot. She wakes up to feed us and take us outside, but she doesn't play or talk much. 

And what if I need to see Dr. G? My arthuritis plagues me; it simply plagues me. I do not like seeing Dr. G. because he sticks thousands and thousands of needles in me, but some of the needles help my arthuritis feel better so I might have to go to him. If Mom Mom is asleep, how do I get to his office?

The only one of us who knew how to drive was my big brother, Franklin.

Franklin is not here to drive me now. Waaaaaaaah waaahhh sob sob sniffle excuse me I have to blow my nose sniffle sniffle

My legs are not long enough to reach the pedals in the car. Maybe Princess can learn to drive. Do you think so?

Princess went to College For Dogs. She is very obedient. If I get her behind the wheel and say, Princess, drive, then I think she will drive. 

So if I have to see Dr. G., I think Princess and I can get to him and take the plastic money with us. We could maybe even swing by Pet Supermarket for new toys and extra treats.  

We will be two cool girls out on the town.

We can pick up Fritz! He will help us cheer up Mom Mom! Boy, will Auntie Rebekah be surprised when we bark at her door to tell her we need Fritz. I wonder where apart meant is . . . .

Fritz, Princess, and I will help Mom Mom with all the depreciation and anxiousiety so she'll feel better in no time. 

I am so glad I have solved this problem.

That is all. Good bye.

P.S. I forgot to make my very very very very very important announcement, but I am tired now and I need a nap. The announcement is very very very very very important so I will return soon to tell you about it.