Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,
I headed out to the post office yesterday to purchase 10 postage paid postcards.
Here are my messages to the orange buttface.
Hey Don! I had a nice private lunch with Melania the other day. She said you've been impotent for years, and she confirmed you are not Barron's father. But you already knew that, right? That's why you referred to Barron as "her son."
Sorry. Not sorry.
Dear Low IQ Individual,
That lie you told about lower grocery prices on day one got you The White House, but you aren't staying. Quit blaming Joe Biden for the mess you are making with the economy. Prices are higher now!
Dear President Musk: Stop including that ugly Donald Trump in everything you do. I think he's always drunk or high because he says such stupid stuff.
May I please be your next baby Mama?
When you and JD JD Married Lady met with the President of Ukraine, one brave, fine leader was in the Oval Office.
His name is President Zelenski.
I stand with Ukraine!
Why don't you and JD hire professional make-up artists? Your orange concealer is terrible, and JD overdoes it with the eyeliner. Raccoon eyes are not a good look. Do you both wear denim shorts and crocs, too?
Donald, please seek psychiatric help before it's too late. A combination of medication and meeting frequently with a therapist can help you deal with your delusions of grandeur, narcissism, and breaks from reality. It's not too late for you to have a somewhat fulfilling life.
Dear Fat Pig,
I understand your dementia makes you confused, but you need to be aware of some facts:
1. The millions and millions of dead people who receive Social Security are going to use all that money to come after you (they are zombies).
2. The transgender mice are out to get you, too.
5 Things I Did Last Week
1. Prayed you would go away.
2. Worked hard but still couldn't afford much at the grocery store.
3. Was cheated by a billionaire who lied his way into the Oval Office.
4. Was appalled by all the stupid comments you continue to make.
5. Prayed again that you would go away.
Dear President Musk Melon and your exceedingly stupid, stupid & unattractive wife, Dawn,
Please go away. I will bake cookies for you if you will go away and stop saying stupid shit.
Hey Con Man, or do you prefer Grifter?
Dead people aren't receiving Social Security
Mice aren't transgender.
You are not a very stable genius.
Your talents are lying and attacking. Roy Cohn taught you well. He was fucked up, and so are you.
These are great! I wish they would read them all.
ReplyDeleteOrange's handlers won't show them to him, but I hope #theidesoftrump gets news coverage so he's aware of the hatred at the very least.
DeleteOh Janie, these are fantastic. Thanks for the smile on this
ReplyDeleteSaturday morning!
Knowing you enjoyed them makes me smile, Michael.
DeleteI have mine ready, too, and cannot wait to send them out!
ReplyDeletexoxo
I hope your messages will be on your blog.
DeleteBrilliant, Janie! I laughed at each and every one of your messages!
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad. Maybe the mail room staff at The White House will laugh at a few of the messages they will soon receive or nod in agreement. It has to be hell to work there.
DeleteI hope they appreciate your time and efforts at honest communication. ;) And I hope they are flooded with bags and bags mail!
ReplyDeleteI was definitely honest, although I might have made up the part about having lunch with Melania.
DeleteI wish the Donald could read them all; however, I like your suggestion that the mailroom staff will get to enjoy them at least!
ReplyDeleteIt was a stress reliever for me, too. I'm going to start doing it regularly.
DeleteI had no idea this was going on, but we definitely picked them up on Saturday. He'll never see them, but it's revenue for the PO and at least it gets voices heard.
ReplyDeleteGood for you! Nice to see you.
Delete