THE CHOCOLATE PUDDING NIGHTMARE

 Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I had a horrible nightmare last week. It was the kind of nightmare so vivid that I think everything is real and I try to escape but can't. But I remembered this nightmare and thought about it and decided it was really pretty funny.

The nightmare begins: A man I used to know came to my house to demand I loan him $19,000. I was shocked and kept trying to find a private place where we could talk so I could find out why he needed the money. I also needed to tell him I didn't have 19K. 

We couldn't find a place to talk, however, because he had brought friends with him. The friends were a married couple and their three young children: two girls and a boy. Everywhere I went in my house, the kids were up to no good. I found the girls going through the drawers of my dressing table and removing, of all things, band-aids! The band-aids had green wrappers. The girls were opening the wrappers and ruining the band-aids. I told them to leave my things alone and they ignored me! Next they'd be stealing my jewelry.

Then I found the boy jumping on the couch! The horror! He was the youngest and I was afraid the little idiot would split his head open on the wood floor and I'd have to clean up the blood.

I went to look for the parents to tell them they had to control their children. The evil parents were in my kitchen making chocolate pudding. How dare they? Plus, they were making the pudding with my stand mixer and the larger of the two glass bowls. Completely inappropriate for the preparation of chocolate pudding. They hadn't asked for permission to use my kitchen and it was not okay for them to use my Oster mixer and the glass bowl. Shame on them! Shame!

I was furious, yet frightened these people were in my home. 

I decided the man and I should go out to lunch. At a restaurant, I would be able to talk to him alone about the $19,000. But the hideous parents and their three vile children piled into my car to join us. 

At that point, the nightmare ended. I have no idea how seven people could fit in my Nissan Sentra anyway. 

I awoke, frightened, but fortunately thought it hilarious later.

Too bad I can't wake up from the nightmare of the orange demon who defies court orders. 

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug