Wednesday, May 31, 2017

WHAT I DO WHEN NINE-YEAR-OLD BOYS ARE HOME ALONE

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

For the first part of my enticing tale about the two adorable nine-year-old boys who live behind me, please click HERE. For the second part, in which I reveal even more about what cuties they are, please click HERE.

We are so fortunate today to have a special guest to help us continue our story. It's the highly overrated actress known as Meryl Streep.


Highly overrated Meryl is a parent herself, so she was quick to agree when I asked if I could channel her in order to deal with the boys.

That pretty woman next to Meryl refused to help us.
She claimed she had to go to her best friend's wedding
during August in Osage County.

As you may recall, the two nine-year-old boys who live behind me were at home alone and were making quite a ruckus. I decided to use my inner Meryl to turn myself into


Yes, I used my acting talent to turn into a Mama Grizzly Bear––a feat that highly overrated Meryl has never achieved.


I marched up to the fence to screech, THERE WILL BE NO MORE CLIMBING. YOU'RE GOING TO GET HURT. THERE WILL BE NO MORE THROWING THINGS AT THE FENCE. YOU'RE GOING TO CAUSE PROPERTY DAMAGE AND IT WILL BE EXPENSIVE AND I'M NOT THE ONE WHO WILL PAY FOR IT. THERE WILL BE NO MORE THROWING THINGS OVER THE FENCE. YOU'RE FRIGHTENING MY DOGS AND I'M SICK OF IT. SICK! SICK! SICK! YOU DON'T BELONG AT HOME ALONE, BUT IF NO ONE IS WATCHING YOU, THEN I'LL WATCH YOU. I'LL BE WATCHING YOU ALL THE TIME AND IF YOU DO ONE MORE THING YOU SHOULDN'T DO, THEN YOU WILL BE SO SORRY. 


Although highly overrated Meryl was shocked that I could do something she couldn't, my mad skills earned her approval.

The boys seemed to be impressed, too. They looked frightened as soon as they saw Mama Bear. They withered at my gaze and sidled into the backdoor of THEIR house.

But highly overrated Meryl and I had to do one more thing. I picked up my cell phone to call the police. Although the state of Florida has no law regarding the age of children who can be left alone without supervision, I decided it was a good idea to try to scare the crap out of the revolving adults who sometimes visit the house.

Hello, I said. This is The Queen Of Grammar. I live in The Palace on Royal Avenue.

Then I recounted the behavior of the darling boys for the police. I didn't want to confront the parents myself. Besides, I still don't know who in the hell lives in that house, other than the boys.

The dispatcher asked if I wanted the officer to come to my house.

No, that won't be necessary, I said. I require my royal nap now. My performance has left me exhausted.

Now I think we'll have one more to be continued regarding the aftermath of Mama Grizzly attacks nine-year-old boys.


Oh, highly overrated Meryl!
You can wait a little longer to find out what happened.
You're such a drama queen.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug
and highly overrated Meryl


42 comments:

  1. Well I hope your performance stops the 9 year old boys from being a pain in the arse, darling. Here's your Oscar.

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  2. Look at you taking initiative. That's much more productive and more civilized a solution than my suggestion of trained skunks. If there is one more post, may I please request a substantial decrease in the number of gifs? This post killed my laptops battery power.

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  3. I'll be watching for your acceptance speech at next year's Oscars!

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    Replies
    1. But I don't know which designer dress I'll wear.

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  4. I hope the police took the little shits away for good! We shall see.

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  5. I can't wait to hear what happens, Mama Grizzly! LOL

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  6. Well, I sure hope your Mama Grizzly was effective. It seems to me from my many trips to Florida and the reading of the news from there that parenting skills are sorely lacking all over the state. You have my sympathy.

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    Replies
    1. Everyone in Florida is crazy, including me. The heat fries our brains.

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  7. Good for you! Everyone has the right to defend their own territory and those boys shouldn't be left unsupervised as much as they are, regardless. Shall be waiting for the final installment of the aftermath. ;)

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    Replies
    1. And better to defend my territory with words than with a gun.

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    2. Oh most certainly! I'd pick verbal abuse every time--ROFL! ;)

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  8. An Oscar-worthy performance, Janie! Overrated Meryl should be jealous. I'm looking forward to the conclusion of this saga. You are a fierce Queen. Love it! ☺

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    Replies
    1. Meryl was jealous, but she went home to look at all of her awards and she got over it.

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  9. You sure know how to keep up the suspense! I'm so bad at confrontation. If it becomes necessary at some point in the future, I will have to remember to channel Meryl.

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    Replies
    1. I keep up the suspense to keep everyone coming back.

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  10. I'm dying to hear what's next. I so want the police to go to their house and find nefarious going-ons that will lead to a number of front page stories in your local paper... I love a good scandal!
    I'm staying tuned for the next morsel in this yummy saga...

    Michele at Angels Bark

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    Replies
    1. I'm afraid no scandal exists and the saga is not as yummy as dark chocolate.

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  11. Can't wait for the last act and the curtain call!

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    Replies
    1. Turn on the applause sign now, please.

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  12. Release the hounds!!! Oh wait, they are scared...grizzlies it is then!

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    Replies
    1. The hounds run away! Penelope hides behind my chair, while Franklin sits in the chair next to mine.

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  13. Well I am not waiting with bated breath for the ending, ok that is a lie I am tell me now...............or when you are ready no pressure just need to know the ending

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  14. Did you thank your momma when you received your Oscar. Good mamas should be thanked. She'd be so proud :)

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    1. Of course! I talked all about how she was looking down on me from heaven and how proud I knew she was because she prepared me to be a Mama Grizzly.

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  15. Good for you, Janie. Hope that takes care of the problem.
    Though I'm on the other side of the fence about Meryl.
    I think as far as acting, she's one of the best.

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    Replies
    1. I love Meryl Streep. I was making fun of Donald Trump for calling her overrated.

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  16. You deserve the Oscar.
    I can not wait for the ending. I need to send flowers !
    I have a lot to say about Merly but I will leave it for my blog.
    cheers, parsnip and thehamish xx

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  17. I somehow missed part two and had to read that one first. But goodness! They sound like a handful, and probably all because they have no supervision.

    Looking forward to part four now.

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    Replies
    1. They're more than a handful. They're a pain in the butt.

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  18. You are very brave. I hope something good comes from your Mama Bear performance.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you. I'm not always brave, but those boys brought out the best Mama Bear in me.

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  19. Good for you, Janie! More people need to do that to those 9-year-olds!

    Lately, if I am skating and young boys try to break rules, I often sternly say to them that if they don't stop misbehaving they will get hurt. I guess it intimidates them because they stop. It's just sad that their parents don't do much. :(

    Love,
    Jessica

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    Replies
    1. Good for you, Jessica Marie! Young boys who learn they can get away with crap turn into adult males who act like Donald Trump. Of course, girls can get into trouble, too, but the young lady who lives the closest to me is so kind and responsible.

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  20. Wait!!! They SIDLED? I haven't heard that term in years. Who sidles anymore? I'm surprised they didn't shoot you the bird and tell you to fuck off. Kids do that now more that they sidle.

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    1. I swear to you that they sidled. Maybe they know their parents have something to fear from too much attention.

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