Friday, May 19, 2017

PENELOPE DISCUSSES THE LIVING ROOM RUG

Hello. It is I, Penelope.

Mom Mom edited two books, so she ignored you and she ignored Franklin and me. We have not been fed or petted in weeks. Or perhaps months.

Mom Mom neglects me.
She treated us even worse during February when she went on a vacation to a place called the hospital. I do not know what she did on this vacation, but when she came home she was very tired. I think she went to that place to drink frozen margaritas. (So selfish!) It is true that Human Brother was here and he stroked my beautiful fur for hours, but Mom Mom has no reason to ever go away from us.

When Mom Mom came home, she said that she and Willy Dunne Wooters could not stand the odor emanating from the area rug in the living room. She and Daddy Dunne Wooters told me that the ammonia coming from the rug made their eyes burn and it was MY fault. I did not and still do not know what this statement meant.

This is what I say to Mom Mom
and that Daddy Dunne Wooters.

Get over it, Mom Mom.
And I tell you that Mom Mom is NOT the real
Lorelai Gilmore.
Daddy Dunne Wooters rolled up the living room rug to take it outside. A neighbor said he would like to have it. Mom Mom asked him how he could stand the odor. (Smart Ass Mom Mom!) He said that he had been in an accident and does not have a sense of smell.

I am glad the rug went to live in another house. It was ugly. (And Cheap. So Cheap!) (Bad Taste!)

Now the floor in the living room is made of wood. Sometimes when Mom Mom goes out, she comes home to find a puddle. Mom Mom says if I continue to leave puddles on the floor, I will have to go in the prison cell while she is gone.

I think I shall make two or three puddles the next time Mom Mom is gone because when I go in the prison cell, I get my Kong. It is always frozen and has peanut butter inside. (Delicious! So Delicious!)

Ha ha on Mom Mom.

That is all. Goodbye.

Mom Mom is The Queen of Grammar,
but I am The Queen of This House.

36 comments:

  1. Ha ha, how dare Mom Mom ignore you for so long! Well done for making them getting rid of the rug. You obviously need to pee on everything in the house you don't like and then they'll have to get rid of them too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are very intelligent, LL Cool Joe.

      Delete
  2. Hi Janie - well I'm glad someone had the rug. Oh dear Penelope - do try and control yourself and don't puddle - it's somewhat unfair on the two legged variety of animal - they have to clear it up and then clean it .. so that nasty smell doesn't 'invade'! Take care and look after each other - cheers Hilary

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I swear I have nothing to do with the previous puddles and will only make future puddles to get what I want.

      Delete
  3. Oh, Penelo-pee. Why must they make up these lies about us?

    Love, Gracie.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I do not know, my good friend Gracie.

      Delete
  4. Dear, dear Penelope, this outcome could be disastrous.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think it will all be fine. I'm in charge.

      Delete
  5. Ha! Go, Penelope. It's all about the perspective.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes. I shall go. Then I get my Kong.

      Delete
  6. Oh, Penelope, the hardships you must endure! If I were you, I'd report that ungrateful Mom Mom to the Humane Society.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Do you think they would take away Mom Mom? That is not good. She should stay here to serve us.

      Delete
  7. Penelope! Where are your manners? It's not nice to pee in the house. You are a crafty little devil, manipulating Mom Mom into giving you that frozen Kong. ☺

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, I am crafty, clever, and so beautiful.

      Delete
  8. Penelope, you remind me of some of my favorite pets, who liked to tell me, "I didn't do it, and I'll never do it, again!"

    Maybe your Mom-Mom will let you help select the next rug to pee on... I mean, to nap on. Your opinion matters, too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mom Mom says no more rug in the living room because it's my favorite place to pee. Not that I ever did that on the rug.

      Delete
  9. Oh no! Revenge is never good. :(

    ReplyDelete
  10. Now, now, Penelope, I'm sure Mom Mom hasn't been neglecting you all that much!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You don't know Mom Mom the way I know Mom Mom. I am so neglected.

      Delete
  11. Mom mom may write a book, "Penelope and Her Pernicious Pee-Pee"!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mom Mom already spends too much time on books.

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  12. A busy mum sucks, she is too busy to worry too much about others and it sucks because we feel lost and unloved when mum hasn't time for us but staying busy doesn't last forever and soon she has time for her babies again so all good

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  13. Kongs with frozen peanut butter are the best!

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  14. Mom mom has been hitting those frozen margaritas again, has she? Naughty mom mom :)

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  15. Penelope, no need to pee on the bad rug.
    Just sit and stare at the freezer. Mom mom will understand !

    cheers, parsnip

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mom Mom is too drunk to understand.

      Delete
  16. Aw, Penelope. I'm sorry Mom-Mom ignored you for so long and that you might be getting some revenge, but you're such a cute and precious little girl. :)

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  17. Awww PUPPY NEEDS PETTING!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I do. I need petting so much. No one ever pets me.

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  18. This is hilarious ... um, I mean ... Penelope has been completely neglected, Mom Mom is under the table, and phoo on the rug, who needs a rug anyway ...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am not hilarious. I am neglected by drunk Mom Mom.

      Delete

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