Monday, December 15, 2014

THE GREAT DELUSIONS OF INGENUITY DINING ROOM CHAIRS PAINTING EPISODE

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

That rotten no-good showoff Andi at delusions of ingenuity hasn't blogged much lately. I miss her even though I'm jealous of all the cool stuff she does. Andi can find a crappy piece of furniture that someone has thrown out and turn it into a showpiece. A while back, she had a chair that needed a booster shot, so she painted it with fabric paint. It looked ab-fab, sweetie baby.

My dining room chairs hadn't looked too good for a couple of years (I kept the white fabric seats in pristine condition for more than ten years, but then I allowed children to enter my house--big mistake! huge!). I decided that I would pull an Andi and paint the seats because having them reupholstered is more of a challenge than I'm willing to face, and I don't have the bucks to pay someone else to reupholster them.

So I went online to trusty Amazon and bought cheap inexpensive fabric paint. I'm not sure how many months the package of various colors of fabric paint graced my dresser because I was too lazy concerned that I wouldn't do a good job so I didn't do anything at all I spent long hours pondering how I would use fabric paint for the first time in my life. The chairs continued to look like this:







Then on a day early in November I decided that the package of paint had gathered enough dust to make me want to try the project. The sun shone, so Franklin and I dragged the chairs out to the deck.




I picked out four colors because I wanted to paint each of the four chairs a different bright, cheerful color. I applied the paint with wet sponges. A brush didn't work well. I quickly learned that one little bottle of paint wouldn't completely cover the seat of a chair.

Change of plans: Franklin and I decided that each chair would have a base color for the main part of the seat, and a complementary color on the edges of the seat. It didn't look all that great.

Another change of plans: I'm a Jackson Pollock fan, so I took the little bit of paint that was left in each bottle and squirted some on the chairs.




Franklin and I agreed that it was fun to splatter paint around. We think Jackson Pollock must have had a pretty good time––aside from being an alcoholic and dying in a car crash when he was drunk and driving a young woman to her death.

Frankie and I are a good team. We liked the chairs.

Frankie Pollock (not an alcoholic)

We let them sit outside for a while. Then we dragged them back in the house and forbade everyone from sitting on them. That means me; Franklin; and on part of the weekend, Willy Dunne Wooters (who was pretty darn enthusiastic about the chairs and thought they looked like sunrise, sunset, a forest, and my ass  something else I can't remember).

I worried that the blobs of paint would come off after they dried, but they didn't. We sat in the chairs for the first time when we ate Thanksgiving dinner. Favorite Young Man joined us. He liked the chairs, too, or at least he was smart enough to say he liked them. This is what the table and chairs looked like on Thanksgiving before we put food on  the table and our butts on the chairs:


Thanks in advance for telling me that the chairs are cool.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug





48 comments:

  1. This is your brain on drugs, Janie Junebug! No kidding, I really do think those chairs turned out cool, and I'm not just telling you that in hopes of eloping with you to Rattlesnake Gulch. The nice part about those festive. multicolored, abstract art chairs is that even if you spill Thanksgiving dinner on them, nobody will know the difference. Way to go, kiddo. I honestly do like what you did there!

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    1. Why does eloping turn up more and more often in your comments? I don't have time to elope unless it includes the long visit to England that I want to make. Wales, too. There will be no Rattlesnake Gulch.

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  2. Well, they are cool! I like them. I probably would never attempt such a thing....kind of stuck on the look of wood, but I think they are cheery and bright. Nice work!

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    1. I like the wood on the table top. If the seats of the chairs had been wood, I wouldn't have had a stain problem.

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  3. Very cheery! And now if anyone drops something on the chairs while eating/drinking, it will blend right in. Bonus!

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  4. The chairs are cool.

    You're welcome.

    (Really! I like them. Very artsy fartsy cheerful!)

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  5. Hey Janie,

    Franklin and your good self have created sitting masterpieces. Three chairs for you. Hip, hip, hooray!

    Oh no, blog hop alert! Make them STOP! Thanks, I feel better now! :)

    Gary

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    1. The Christmas bloghop will be fun, fun, fun till her daddy takes the T-Bird away.

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  6. Okay, you and Franklin did a tremendous job! (Did I ever tell you Emma's Beetle was named Franklin??) And not only did you use the word "dragged," you used it TWICE! You're both my heroes now. I must say, I momentarily confused Jackson Pollock with Kevin Pollak and my head was in the major scratch-zone for a bit, but I got over it eventually. I love that you squirted all over your chairs. Not everyone can own that ability. Well, I'm off to bed with my favorite schnauzer. Love the chairs....glad you finally put that paint to work.

    Love,
    Andi and Eddie

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    1. I considered writing drug to drive you crazy, but I didn't want you in the asylum on Christmas. I don't think I knew about Emma and Franklin. I love the name Emma. I don't know who Kevin Pollak is. As for my ability to squirt, what can I say? It comes naturally.

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  7. They look cool. Kind of like cupcakes!

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  8. Those chairs are amazing! I think you've found a new career - should you give up whatever it is you're doing now!!! Design them as slipcovers and sell a bunch! I'm serious, Janie.

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    1. This is not the first time I've been urged to make something and sell it. When The Hurricane had braces and head gear, I took little pieces of very soft pink flannel and made them into pillows that went around the outside of the headgear. She only had to wear her headgear for about eight months instead of a year or more because the pillows made it more bearable. The orthodontist said if I went into business I could sell a million little pillows. The problem is that I don't want to make a million little pillows, and the only business I want is Janie Junebug Writing & Editing.

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  9. Those chairs are way awesomely cool! Not only are they unique, but they were a nice way to bond with Franklin.

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    1. Franklin and I enjoy our bonding experiences, but sometimes we get carried away with the super glue.

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  10. Those chairs aren't just cool. They're really cool! I love the whole set. In fact, I need a kitchenette for my new place. Can I have it - the whole thing? (It couldn't hurt to ask.)

    Love to you.

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    1. You're right: It doesn't hurt to ask. But the answer is no. I need my table, and it also has a matching big clock with cabinets where I keep my crystal. I can't give up the storage space for my crystal.

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  11. They are really cool! Very colorful, artistic, and fun!! :) :)

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  12. HI, Janie,

    LOVE the chairs! UBER CREATIVE! As an artist I must say they are AWESOME!!!! You and Franklin did an amazing job....

    What's your next project? Don't wait until the dust suffocates you... just jump right in! LOL.

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    1. My next project will be decorating the Christmas tree. I hope to get that done before Christmas. Otherwise, it will be a New Year's tree.

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  13. They ARE cool!

    I just re-did a desk chair; it wore me out. You win!

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    1. Did you reupholster or refinish or paint or spit on it or what?

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  14. The chairs are cool. You're welcome.

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  15. You did an excellent job of turning those chairs into art. But those chairs can easily be changed with scrap materiel from the fabric store and a staple gun. I've changed our seat fabric dozens of times. But I still like what you did.

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    1. I don't think I can be trusted with a staple gun. I would probably end up stapled to a chair and unable to free myself. Then I would starve to death and the house would stink and who would feed Franklin?

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  16. I love the chairs!! We did that once on a wall in Anna's room. We painted the wall in a yellowish glow in the dark paint and then splattered purple and pink paint all over the glow wall. We then took the pink and purple paint and slung it on canvases and the bedspread. It was an awesome room and super cheap.

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    1. I've been thinking about doing it to a wall in my family room for a long time. Favorite Young Man said I would regret it so I haven't forged ahead. But you did it and it worked. FYM can be a real party pooper.

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  17. Ok they look original you will not find chairs like them in every bloody store and that I like because they are so original you did good my friend

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    1. What a nice comment. Thank you, Jo-Anne.

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  18. A comment from a real artist (ME)--WHOOP-TI-DOO!! I LOVE THEM!!

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    1. A comment from a real grammarian who is not at all artistic: It's a miracle that they turned out okay.

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  19. Those are chairs with personality! Much better than the plain white versions.

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    1. I liked the white when I wanted to be kinda fancy-schmancy. I'm over that phase in my life.

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  20. I. Love. Them!

    So different, and yet they have a fantastic cohesiveness that really works well. Really, really great job Franklin and Miss J. :)

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    1. Thank you. I was surprised that I liked them so much. I didn't think it was possible for me to create something cute or cool or whatever.

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  21. Those are awesome!! I love this idea so much. I am a HUGE fan of color and I love that they are all different. Great job, missy :)

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    1. If they were truly ugly, I wonder if anyone would tell me.

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  22. Those chairs are way cool and an excellent idea! You done good, Janieola, you done good. Love, Stephanola

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    1. Thank you, Stephanola. It's so nice to hear from you.

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