Monday, August 11, 2014

THE REFRIGERATOR THAT THOUGHT IT WAS A SHOWER . . . OR MAYBE A WASHING MACHINE

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

A while back I told you I had a problem with my refrigerator. Many . . . A number of you . . . Some . . A couple of you wanted to know what happened. I said I would tell you after we finished the BULLY FOR YOU series, so now, here is the story of the refrigerator that thought it was a shower or maybe a washing machine.

Here is a photo of Frigidaire:



If you look to the left of Frigidaire, you can see he's the kind of refrigerator who dispenses water and ice.

He is also a depository for magnets and some postcards, such as Leda and the Swan, which The Hurricane mailed to me from Italy when she was in high school. I think she'd been home for two or three weeks before the postcard arrived. She sent this particular card because I read Yeats' poem to her.



Leda is covered with a magnet because she is bare ass nekkid.

Frigidaire also boasts the postcard from the donkey sanctuary The Hurricane visited on her eighteenth birthday. To the right of the donkeys are two of my favorite girls in the whole world. They are Middle Child's two oldest children.



So you can see Frigidaire keeps quite busy giving me ice and water and holding cards and photos. Oh! and Frigidaire is covered with tiny words on magnets. Anyone who visits my house is allowed to rearrange the magnets, even if what the person creates with the words is considered naughty by some other people who are prudes.

The problem with Frigidaire began one weekend when I thought I heard water running in the kitchen. I looked around. No leak under the kitchen sink. No water to be found. I told Willy Dunne Wooters that I heard water running. He said, I don't hear anything. (Well, what in the hell did you expect him to say? He's as deaf as a post.)

On Monday I spent more time wandering around the kitchen. The noise was coming from the refrigerator. I looked in the freezer. Nothing. No puddle coming from under the refrigerator.

By about 7 p.m. that Monday, the noise was really getting on my nerves. What was going on?

I decided the sound came from behind the refrigerator, so I decided to pull out the refrigerator in case I could spot a problem. Before I pulled, though, I looked at the water pipe that's behind and slightly to the left of the refrigerator. I'm sorry it's kind of hard to see in this photo, but there wasn't anything to see at the time because no water was coming from the pipe:




So putting my puny muscles and bad back to work, I pulled on the refrigerator. I pulled Frigidaire more and more. I could feel that he was going over some small bump as I pulled. Suddenly he jumped over the bump, and water began to squirt out of the plastic tube that carried the water from the pipe to the refrigerator so I can have my water and ice. The bump had been that tube. I realize it's difficult to see the water coming out of the shower head, but it was a lot like this:



Water wasn't pouring out. It was spurting out, streaming out, gushing out, spewing out, shooting out. I hope that gives you a general idea of how much water was coming out of the tube, and how it was erupting.

It seemed that Frigidaire had been sitting on his own tube for a long time. He had finally worn a hole in the tube. When I moved Frigidaire off the opening, the kitchen became very, very wet in a very, very short time. Eek! I squealed.

I ran to grab a stack of old towels, which I scattered in the deepening pool, and I tried to turn off the tap.

Of course, it wouldn't budge.

So I stood on top of the hole in the pipe, like the little boy who kept the damn dam from bursting by putting his finger in the hole. I texted Favorite Young Man. No response. I emailed Willy Dunne Wooters. No response. (We'll talk about that lack of response more on another day.)

I couldn't just stand there forever. I ran to my closet as quickly as one runs in sopping slippers, and grabbed my sandals. I ran next door and knocked. Then I knocked again. Sweet Young Allison opened the door.

Eek! I said. Water! Eek! Is Anthony home? (She doesn't know that I call him Hot Young Anthony.)

Sweet Young Allison said that (Hot Young) Anthony was on his way home and asked if she should send him over when he arrived.

Eek! I squeaked. Please!

I ran home and went back to standing on the hole in the tube. I called Tony the plumber man and left a message for him. I accidentally touched the back of the refrigerator and felt a snizzle. I am standing in a pool of water with an electrical appliance, I thought. This is not good, I thought, though my brain felt quite foggy from the emergency.

I unplugged Frigidaire.

Just then Hot Young Anthony, my beloved savior, ran in the front door. I turned off the water to the house, he said. What happened? he asked.

I showed him.

Hmmmmmm, he said. Just then the phone rang. It was Tony the plumber. He already knew what was wrong although my message had mostly consisted of me squealing, Eek! Water! Hole in tube!

Tony said he was on another job and couldn't get to my house for at least 90 minutes.

He started to tell me what to do and what not to do. I said, Anthony is here. Please tell him.

And I turned the phone over to my deliverer. (Tony the plumber is also Hot Young Anthony's plumber. I found Tony because Anthony told me that Tony is the best plumber ever, and Anthony knew of what he spake.)

Anthony said, Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Okay.

He gave the phone back to me.

Hot Young Anthony said, Tony said to go to Lowe's and get a steel cable. He said it's easy to hook it up.

That's easy for you to say, I thought.

I must have looked more than my usual crazy because Hot Young Anthony started wiping up the water with the towels. Then he offered to go to Lowe's to buy the cable.

Yes, please, I said.

He returned a few minute later (Lowe's is very close). He took off the old plastic tube, and put on the new steel cable. He went outside and turned on the water to the house. Everything worked, and water no longer spurted.

I thanked Hot Young Anthony about a million times and asked if he wanted to get laid. No. I would not really do that. He is married to Sweet Young Allison, and I am in love with Willy Dunne Wooters. But I sure felt like making the offer.

Hot Young Anthony said, It was no trouble at all. We're always glad to help.

He said that the good thing about what had happened was that now the kitchen floor was clean. I felt a tiny bit embarrassed about the amount of dog hair that had been behind and under the refrigerator, and then I got over it.

Everything was fine. I have the best neighbors ever and the best plumber ever. Tony called back very quickly after I left my Eek! message. Although it was a Friday evening, Tony was willing to come here to take care of the problem, and he was even more willing to save me a good bit of money by telling Anthony what to do. The cable cost $16.

I would have preferred to fix it myself, but I was in Eek! mode so I was very grateful to have a rescuer.

I have saved a life here and there and written newspaper articles on stuff that came up twenty minutes before deadline, but squirting water overwhelmed me.

And that is the story of the refrigerator that thought it was a shower, or maybe a washing machine.

Mr. Frigidaire has been on his best behavior since that night.

And so have I, because I don't want God to have a reason to punish me. Not that He would do that.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

43 comments:

  1. If you had my neighbors, you could have eeked all day and they would not have even noticed your house floating away. I suppose this was a lesson to all of us to never leave the refrigerator on the water hose. Refrigerators are always dirty underneath. Who pulls out the refrigerator every week to clean? Oh, yes, I have a friend who must pay someone to pull out her refrigerator and clean the floor every week. If you kept it spotless under your refrigerator, I would think you were weird. Mine is dirty underneath. I am sure it has pills and peas under there.

    There have been days I might have put out for repairs...lol. No, don't suppose so.

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    1. I doubt if anyone actually wants me to put out for repairs.

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  2. Hi Janie - one of those oh! dear! brain cancelling moments - can quite understand the lots of EEEKS ... anyway glad it's fixed and thank goodness for good neighbours ...

    and a dry Janie .. cheers Hilary

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    1. I was wearing a sopping wet nightgown and robe, Hilary. I must have resembled a drowned rat.

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  3. I couldn't help but think, "The sound is coming from inside the refrigerator." Only you could make a leaking refrigerator sound like an Indiana Jones-esque adventure. And both Willy Dunne Wooters and Allison should and probably would understand that the proper payment for light plumbing is sexual offerings.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I don't think it would bother Willy Dunne Wooters if I added a little sexual adventure to my life, but Sweet Young Allison might not take it well if I seduced Hot Young Anthony. I appreciate the compliment about "an Indiana Jones-esque adventure." Some people would say I'm a drama queen. It's true, but some people think that's a bad thing. I love finding drama in my microcosm.

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  4. How did you get so lucky, a nice neighbor and a good plumber?! Glad everything is fixed up.

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    1. Me, too! I have the nice plumber because I have the nice neighbor. When I have a problem, I just ask Hot Young Anthony what I should do. He almost always has a good answer. God was looking out for me when he led me to this house.

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  5. Oh no! That can be very scary!!! Good you a handsome young man to help you out. Our house flooded during the 2010 flood, so I know what a mess water can be, but it sounds like your kitchen just got a good mopping!

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    1. I've never had to deal with a flood. That must be terrible. I didn't even have to clean up the water. Hot Young Anthony did it, while I stared with my mouth open and drool running down my chin.

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  6. We have a bottom of the line fridge with no ice machine. I think I'm glad about that now. Maybe I should stand in a puddle next to an electrical appliance. I'm thinking it might help. Ha. Ha.

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    1. Cheap ECT. I have been frightened by the thought of that procedure ever since I saw One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.

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  7. What a funny story! Well not funny for you, obviously, but funny to read your reactions, etc. Thanks for sharing.

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    1. It was pretty funny for me, too. As it occurred, I thought, Oh, yeah, this will make a good blog post.

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  8. Hello, Janie Junebug! Your refrigerator is in the kitchen? My place is laid out differently. The Frigidaire can be found in the bedroom (every time I hop in bed with Mrs. Shady - BA-DUM-BUMP).

    My goodness, I'm sorry to learn that Mr.Frigidaire turned your house into a water park. Your story reminded me of the 1986 Tom Hanks - Shelley Long movie The Money Pit. Like you, I don't handle water emergencies well. When water starts gushing I usually collapse to the floor and start crying like a little girl. At times like those I usually find comfort sucking on my binky.

    Good golly, Miss Molly! The way you described Hot Young Anthony makes ME want to date him!

    Brain buster question: What do former president Jimmy Carter, Janie Junebug and Shady Del Knight all have in common?

    Answer: impure thoughts

    Stay dry (where it's supposed to be dry) and have a wonderful week ahead, dear friend Janie!

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    1. You made me laugh with the comment about Frigidaire in bed. I don't think it's wise to mention that joke to Mrs. Shady. I'm sure she's a warm, wonderful woman.

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  9. Ten or more years ago my daughter sent my grandson, of whom I had custody until he graduated in June, to fill her ginormous mug with ice from the dispenser. He returned: "It doesn't fit." "Well, jam it." He did. The mechanism broke. The cost to repair exceeded my budget. The absence of the ice handle gave more room to jam a glass in the water space, and, yes, the same grandson broke that. We just have a hole in the door now. Guests look and try and wonder, and we serve ice directly from the freezer and water from the tap.

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    1. Well, I guess you weren't too thrilled with your daughter, but there are worse things than having a refrigerator that can't dispense ice and water. I don't know what those things are, but I'm sure they're out there.

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  10. So, water and electricity are a bad combination?
    That Benjamin Franklin guy was so full of it.

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    1. What in the hell did he know? He wanted the turkey to be our national bird.

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  11. Ah. "I Love Lucy, The Lost Episode." Or something. Thanks for an enjoyable read.

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    1. No, if it were I Love Lucy, I would have done the Lucy cry. I stuck to "eek."

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  12. I'm sorry you had problems with Mr. Frigidaire. He is a nice magnet-holder, though. My dad has a Mrs. Frigidaire. She doesn't do anything but hold magnets. I don't know why my dad keeps her. Perhaps his Mrs. and your Mr. should get together and make Frigidaire babies. Maybe those would work!

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    1. That is an excellent plan. We can raise those baby Frigidaires and make some money with them. Genius! You are a genius!

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  13. You're very restrained to merely unleash out Eeks! and very generous to sacrifice your clothes and well being for the cause. Did you happen to get this recorded? I'd like to see Hot Young Anthony come to the rescue. I'm glad you have him next door. I mean, not that you've had him. But if you have, go, you! If you haven't and WDW is enough for you, would you kindly tell him that my pipes need to be replaced? Thanks, Janie.
    Love backatcha.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. No recordings. I was a little too busy. I try not to go beyond "eek" because it frightens the dogs if I get upset. WDW is more than enough for me, but I don't think Hot Young Anthony has time to travel so I'm sorry--I can't put him in a box and mail him to you. We can dream, though.

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  14. Some day (now) we'll laugh about all thus!!

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    1. I knew it was funny as it was happening. The older I get, the more hilarious everything is.

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  15. I miss putting magnet art on my fridge. But the one we have is stainless and magnets won't stick. Bummer!

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    1. Wow! I can't imagine living with a magnetless refrigerator. You have my sympathy.

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  16. I think it thought it was a misplaced lawn sprinkler.

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    1. That's possible. My sprinkler broke a while back and now I can't find it. Maybe Mr. Frigidaire thought I would shove him into the yard to help out.

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  17. Panic and squealing has always worked for me. I remember I onced was helping Judy fix a leak in her washing machine. I was trying to tighten the damn faucet and broke it off. Water was shooting up three feet or more. Her son, Steven (twelve at the time), was with me and all I could do was laugh. It shocked him because he said his dad would have been cussing and yelling. I told him it was only water and would mope up or leak into the crawl space. I went to Home Dept, got what I needed and fixed it. Be we laughed the whole time. Now, I just shut off the water and call a plumber... or Steven, who is a genus with stuff like this.

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    1. God bless being able to shut off the water, call a plumber, or call Steven. It sounds as if you contributed to raising a good guy.

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  18. Yowza, I hate these kind of emergencies - the soppy, wet mess kind!

    Our refrigerator has a high dollar filter on it. If you don't have the filter, you don't have water in the water/ice delivery system in the door.

    We found a great discounted brand that promised to do the job for a third of the price! Popped that sucker in there, and for the next three days it popped itself out enough to leak on a fairly regular basis. Discount, my eye. Finally, I pulled it out and in the final acknowledgement of the stinging betrayal of kitchen technology, I just bought a ten pound bag of ice and poured it in the bin.

    I don't have access to cute neighbors. I must suffer through it.

    Hugs,
    Cherdo

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    1. I have icky neighbors on the other side. Does that make you feel better?

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  19. Hurray for Hot Young Anthony and Tony the Plumber!! I hate mechanical emergencies of any kind. I have had to deal with some on my own, but vastly prefer not to. :) I hope the frig lasts for many years now without issue. :)

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    1. Everything needs to last because I can't afford replacements after buying the new dishwasher a few months ago.

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  20. Holy moly! Glad you didn't get sizzled in that mess!

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    1. It would be quite a shocking way to go.

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  21. I remember when my dishwasher hose sprang a leak and I got up in the morning to find the kitchen, hall and loungeroom flooded not a nice morning and what a bloody big mess to clean up.

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    1. That sounds horrible. Toilets are the worst though.

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  22. What the hell? I want pictures of Hot Young Anthony. Stat.

    -andi

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Got your panties in a bunch? Dig 'em out, get comfortable, and let's chat.