Monday, August 4, 2014

SILLY SEARCHES

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I hope I don't make a lot of errors in this post. I've had quite a morning.

First, I took Franklin to the vet for his annual exam. He was very well behaved.

Even though we added Willy Dunne Wooters
to our account and got a 20% discount because
he's such an old dude, the cost was $464.


While we were at the vet's office, I made an appointment to have Harper's teeth cleaned later this week.

Harper needs senior dog blood work and an
EKG before he has his teeth cleaned. The technician
mentioned 500 or 600 or something. I don't
even know if that includes cleaning the teeth.


I had to hire a new yard guy. When Franklin and I got home, he was doing something in the yard. I'm not sure what it was. He might have been mowing the grass.

I would pay him to walk around the yard, gazing
at the weeds surrounding Lake Junebug.


I feel rather faint. Perhaps my corset is too tight. Finding Mr. Darcy in my yard pushed my brain into whirly-twirly time.

It's been a while since I wrote a post about the search terms people use to find my blog. I admit that some terms make sense, such as, why does mr. rogers wear a sweater? I wrote a post a long time ago debunking an email that circulated for years. The email claimed that Mr. Rogers wore a sweater to cover the tattoos he got as a grizzled warrior in our armed forces. Some forms of the email claimed he was a sniper. Mr. Rogers was never in the military. He was a veteran of the seminary. Mr. Rogers is always in my top ten list of searches, and that's fine with me. I loved Mr. Rogers. I miss his gentle voice and sweet demeanor.

But I do have some strange stuff on my stats page. My favorites from the past week are as follows:

  1. margaret rose foot fetish
  2. anne hathaway yoga pants toe
  3. boobs on deck
Foot fetish has shown up before, but never with margaret rose. I've also seen boobs on deck previously. And, no, I don't mean that I've seen actual boobs on the deck of a ship so don't attribute your naughty ideas to me. I don't know why that search has popped up again, similar to a cold nipple. I wear bras that promise to provide maximum nipple coverage. 

What do you suppose the meaning is of anne hathaway yoga pants toe? Recently, I posted a photo of Anne Hathaway wearing, or almost not wearing, a sheer dress, but yoga pants toe? If you know what that means, please whisper it to me in an email, because I hope suspect it's something absolutely filthy interesting and educational.

The search term with the highest numbers is rusty yates. I know that's because my most popular post ever is about Rusty Yates leaving his wife Andrea alone with their children when he had been warned not to do so. She was very sick (psychotic), and, of course, she drowned the children. That's a news story I'll never forget.

On a happier note, one dunked in chocolate, ryan gosling shows up in my top ten search terms.



I don't know why photos of Willy Dunne Wooters appear when I search for Ryan Gosling, but I have no complaints.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug












28 comments:

  1. How much would you pay ME to walk around Lake Junebug? Be kind.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Uh, um, I can't afford you because you live so far away. I would feel compelled to pay for your plane ticket in addition to your walking around fee.

      I think I got outa that one pretty well.

      Delete
  2. What an amusing post. This is my first visit and I'll be back. That yard guy is something to behold!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I like your posts. Question: Can "Mr. Darcy" come over and stand in my yard? He doesn't have to mow or anything.

    I never questioned Mr. Roger's walking through the (front) door and putting on a sweater and changing shoes. In the middle of the twentieth century, professional men came home from work and did exactly that. I just assumed he was coming home from work and getting comfortable for a quiet evening at home with the wife and children. I think I'll go "Google" it . . .

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. Mr. Darcy apologizes, but he must spend every second of the day satisfying me. I think Mr. Rogers' mom made his sweaters. I saw one of them in the Smithsonian.

      Delete
  4. I had a lot of plastic pants searches way back when. I posted a pic of myself in plastic pants at the age of two. I did not know that certain people get off on that. I removed the post since it gave me the heebie jeebies.

    Enjoyed your post. Haha.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lotsa freaky people in this world.

      Haha.

      Delete
  5. I get some weird searches too, but the most popular search is for Siegfried and Brunhildr and the Witch - it's the German legend. It's over 7000 pageviews because it related to a reference to Django Unchained. It's on my 21st Century Blog. I sympathized with Brunhildr. (not Broomhilda, the cartoon witch)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love Django Unchained. I didn't even think about Brunhildr (the legend) when I watched the movie. Would you please send me a link to that post? I'll be viewer 7,001.

      Delete
  6. If Harper is that "senior" in years, I'd be leaning more toward not having his toofums cleaned. Of course I feel the same about myself.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Harper could leave me in a few months or a few years. I think he'll live longer and be more comfortable if his teeth are in good shape. I like having my toofums cleaned, but my dentist is so darn hot . . . I can't even describe him.

      Delete
  7. "Camel toe" is the pants in the Anne Hathaway "pants toe" reference. I get weird searches, too. Can the father of that yard guy come walk into my house?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, someone else explained the Anne Hathaway camel toe to me, too. Weird. I'm sorry, but Mr. Darcy's parents are deceased. That is why he has inherited his estate. Fortunately, he prefers to hang out with me.

      Delete
  8. Oh my, I suddenly need a gardening job, and I don't even have a lawn.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My yard guy is staying put. I convinced him that he lives here.

      Delete
  9. Who wouldn't like to come home and find Mr Darcy mowing the yard..............the guy who mows my yard looks like an old bear that needs a good hot shower...............but he is cheap and no am not referring to the love of my life but our next door neighbour who is called "bear" just saying

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My real yard guy is pretty young and cute.

      Delete
  10. Hi Janie .. gosh I never look to see what searches are aimed at my blog - let alone me ... sadly I have no lake to stand by ... so I don't even have a chance to entice Mr D'Arcy away from you ...

    Strange world we live in .. but fun post - cheers Hilary

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your blog is probably discovered by people using intelligent, erudite search terms, while I get boobs on deck.

      Delete
  11. Heavens, I would come down with the vapors! Such funny search items- some of mine are unfit for print. Some things I will never understand.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I tell Willy Dunne Wooters all the time that truth is stranger than fiction. Quite often when we watch a movie or TV show--Breaking Bad is a good example--WDW says over and over, That would never happen in real life. I tell him he hasn't spent enough time in Crazy Town.

      Delete
  12. Those are priceless! I like Anne H. but #1 & #3 are freaking hilarious!

    I think Ryan Goslin tagged himself in all of Willy Dunne Wooters pictures, so that might be why. :P

    ReplyDelete
  13. If you could get Mr. Darcy to pay your vet bills, you'd have it all and be a saint to women everywhere - complete with your earthly miracle.

    Coco had a $190 re-check (second on this month, include a gazillion meds) and is chomping down the $33 a bag sensitive skin food. I feel ya.

    Hugs!
    Cherdo
    www.cherdoontheflipside.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You feel me? Why, Cherdo, I had no idea you were interested in me in THAT way. I don't know what to say except that Harper had an ear infection that cost a few hundred bucks. Maybe you'd like to help with the cost in exchange for a feel.

      Delete
  14. I don't even know how to find what people have searched for to land on my blog--LOL! Technologically inept. I swoon when I see Mr. Darcy---ahhhh! (Wasn't he just the best one?!) I hope you do go bankrupt taking care of your sweet dogs. Good Lord!!

    ReplyDelete
  15. I still love Colin Firth. When I click on the orange "B" at the top of my blog, it takes me to my "blogger" page. I click on statistics. Under statistics I can find the number of times someone from a particular site has visited my blog, and beneath that I see lists of the most common search terms people use to find me. They're crazy.

    ReplyDelete

Got your panties in a bunch? Dig 'em out, get comfortable, and let's chat.