Wednesday, May 30, 2012

BERYL, GET LOST!

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I am not happy. And when Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

Actually, that's a lie. The dogs are the only ones here with me and they seem perfectly content.

I, however, am not happy because I am ready for Tropical Storm Beryl to fly away.

Right now.

She's been here since Sunday. This is hump day. Don't you think she's worn out her welcome?
This is Beryl arriving near Jacksonville late Sunday night.

I don't really mind the rain Beryl brought. We've had a drought for more than a year, so rain is good. But two things happened yesterday that bugged the heck out of me.

First, while I was taking a nap, water started dripping from one of the screws in the dining room ceiling vent. By the time I discovered the drip, the dining room table was wet, two of the chairs were wet and had ugly stains, and the floor had a nice big puddle.

I got up on my trusty step stool and discovered the vent was loose. The screw from which the water dripped needed to be tightened. Try as I might, I could not turn that screw.

Sadly, I had to force myself to march next door and ask hot, hot young Anthony to come over and take care of my screwing needs. I was a little sad that Anthony was wearing his shirt, but oh, how very nice it was to have him in my little house for a visit. He tamed the screw. The water stopped dripping.

I was concerned that I had a leak that was coming from the roof to the attic to the vent. Maybe I do, but Little Chick thinks it's condensation because of all the humidity brought by Beryl. Favorite Young Man will check the attic to make sure the Christmas decorations stay dry.

Thus, Beryl = a leak or increased humidity that made a mess. That's a good enough reason for her to go.

But after I was happily screwed, something much worse happened. I took the sheets off my bed and someone ran out of the bed. It wasn't Anthony. It was


Yes! La cucaracha was sleeping in my bed. When I pulled back the sheets, he ran under the mattress. Suddenly possessing superhuman strength, I managed to lift the mattress, but he disappeared.

I sent out SOS texts, and Little Chick came over with upholstery cleaner for the wet dining room chairs, bug spray that won't harm the dogs, and roach motels. She was very sweet and helped me feel better.

But now that I've seen one cockroach in my bed, I know there are others even though the sheets are clean. The roach motels haven't had time to do their job.

So, now the question is this: Unless Beryl takes all the roaches when she leaves, where am I going to sleep?

Anthony, oooooooh Anthony. Do you have any extra room in your bed?

Infinities of love,

Lola
























24 comments:

  1. There are worse things to share yopur bed with, but right now i can't think of anybody--I mean. one!!

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    Replies
    1. I believe I was in bed alone last night except for one sweet dog.

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  2. I HATE when I pull back the sheets and find a bug. Once when I lived in Florida I pulled them back and found a small scorpion.

    Thankfully it was on my ex husband's side of the bed.

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    1. That scorpion was there for a reason.

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  3. You are under attack and must do the right thing and call a priest to pray and swing incense around your house. It won't help, but it will get rid of that musty smell you're going to have coming from your ceiling and, as far as I know, Florida cockroaches will follow the priest to his house.

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    Replies
    1. If the roaches will follow the priest, I'm going to start calling churches now!

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  4. EEEEE! I handle bugs fairly well but cockroaches are just plain nasty! I'm so glad Anthony and Little Chick were able to help out...and I'll keep my fingers crossed that Anthony may help a bit more ;)

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    1. Thank you for the crossed fingers, Maggie, but I am a very bad girl, lusting after a young, handsome married man. His wife is cute, though, and she could easily find someone else.

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  5. It is best to screw when it is wet. Goes in easier. You need cats to control cockroaches.

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    Replies
    1. Wet screwing? I'll be sure to remember that. Sadly, I cannot have cats. Harper the smooth collie would grab them and shake them to death.

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  6. Oh yuk. I'm not too bad with any insect except for big black things with crunchy backs. I remember being in Singapore as a child and my mother literally having hysterics having found cockroaches in the cupboards. I think this may go some way to explaining my revulsion. Yuk yuk yuk. Crunch.

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    1. Yeah, I really hate it when they go crunch. I like to smack them with a shoe or something and then vacuum them up so I don't have to feel the crunching inside a paper towel or napkin or whatever I might use to pick up the monsters.

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  7. GAH! Those bugs can really move fast when they want to. Hope they enter their roach motels soon.

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    1. I couldn't believe how fast that little bastard disappeared. Maybe he was wearing wheelies.

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  8. Ouch, other than Anthony, NOT a lot of fun there... And cockroaches ARE smart enough to come in out of the rain, and are you sure it wasn't a palmetto bug??? Hope things get straightened out!

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    1. Definitely not a palmetto bug. I've seen a few of them in my house and a lot outside during the summer. I was surprised to have a cockroach when I've lived here 2 1/2 years without any, and Little Chick said it was the rain. She also said he wanted to sleep in my bed because I'm so hot. : (
      Why can't Anthony be the one to sleep in my bed? I wouldn't chase him away.

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  9. Thanks to your cockroach-laden tale, I have been struck with hysterical blindness and can't stop shuddering. Nothing, NOTHING, upsets me as much as cockroaches--especially finding one in my bed.

    After that trauma, I'd say you totally deserve to have a nice, cozy, cockroach-free tête-à-tête with hunky Anthony. Perhaps he can send the Mrs. out for some bug spray. :)

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    Replies
    1. I'm very impressed that you can type without your sight. I deserve Anthony even when I haven't experienced trauma, but sadly, I think he sees me as the old lady next door who sometimes needs a bit of help. And I think his wife could easily beat the crap out of me if she knew I'm after her Anthony.

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  10. I pray the sprays and roach motels work. Maybe you can focus on Anthony as you're trying to go to sleep instead of...that picture! *shudders* Yes--think of shirtless Anthony!! ;)

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    1. Honey, I always think of shirtless Anthony.

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  11. cucaracha eewww i don't like that

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    1. Me neither, but I haven't seen anymore.

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  12. Beryl was being a bitch wasn't she? Yes we needed the rain but enough already. Good to see sunshine today finally. Thank God you got a good screw by Anthony. I bet you were so happy afterwards! hahahaha

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    1. Barb, my dear, I feel completely satisfied.

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