Wednesday, May 16, 2012

ALL BY MY SELFS

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

On Saturday we went to a mall by ourselves for the first time in almost three years. Favorite Young Man has taken me to a couple of malls, but we dash into Sears to buy a vacuum or dash into Penney's for some blinds.

We actually walked through a lot of this mall to reach Lola's destination. The mall was horrible. Noisy. Crowded. Confusing.

Of course, we shouldn't have gone the day before Mother's Day, but the whole experience reminded us why we don't like malls and other public  places.

We went because I needed vacuum cleaner bags from Sears and Lola wanted to go to Victoria's Secret. She got a black bra with leopard trim and a pair of black and white panties with lace around the top. She looks good in them.

This is not a photo of Lola. She's prettier than this.

How do you feel about visiting a mall? Is it something you do regularly with no problem, or does it make you want to scream and cry (like us)?

Our GPS has been giving us fits lately. It got us to the mall, but the last four times before that when we used it, it took us to crazy places. It's convinced that our dentist flips burgers at a Hardee's that isn't even in the same part of town as his office.

We went in the Hardee's and looked for him. He definitely wasn't there, so we called his office. Someone tried to tell us how to get there, but we were so far away we missed our appointment. His office has a rule that if you miss two appointments he won't see you anymore. Even if you call and say, I'm sick, which I did the last time I had an appointment. So we're at two missed appointments. They're cutting us a little slack because our GPS is a lying fucker. It has a woman's voice, but I'm pretty sure it's a man.

We're now on what's called the cancellations list. If they have a cancellation, they'll call and offer us the appointment time. I don't know if this dentist is so fabulous that it's worthwhile to put up with his rules.

Do your doctors or dentists have rules like these?

Life all by ourselves is kinda difficult sometimes. We really don't have anyone to consult about our problems. The Chubby Chatterbox, who is very, very funny, so funny he makes us laugh occasionally, is trying to convince us to have a colonoscopy. We have seen someone go through the prep for a colonoscopy. She was having diarrhea while trying to vomit into the bathtub. We don't want to poop and puke at the same time with no one to give us a little moral support.

Someone also has to drive you home afterwards. We don't have anyone to drive us home.

Good thing we have no family history of cancer. That's one point for our side.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug






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26 comments:

  1. I don't mind going to the mall by myself, at least that way I don't have to go in stores I'm not interested in just because the other person wants to (and someone always drags me in the pet store, which is cute and all, but smells horrible.)
    But I agree, I'm not a fan of public places that tend to have crowds.

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    1. I think you could be happy with The Hurricane and me.

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  2. My rule regarding doctors & dentists--if they have rules like yours, I see someone else. No one is that good!

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    1. I think it's time to find another dentist.

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  3. i like malls on week days, and since i'm usually off on week days, it's all good for me.

    i don't know of any dentists like that. sometimes, it's fair i think? if you cancel at the very last minute, it's unfair for others who's been trying to get appointments desperately.

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    1. But, Jaya, when our GPS leads us astray, what are we to do?

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    2. that's true. i'm sorry to hear that.

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  4. I don't go to malls a lot, as I'm not really big fans of most modern styles. But I will go to one to hit up the M.A.C store and sometime J Crew.

    xo,
    Em

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    1. If you don't like most modern styles, then what do you like? We're curious.

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  5. I like to shop so I go to malls. But we dont have malls here. Well two. Others are all individual big shops like supermarkets. Which I hate more than a mall.
    www.thoughtsofpaps.com

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    1. PAPS, The supermarket type stores sound hideous.

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  6. I'm not too impressed with VS. I prefer to see her in a t-shirt or a man's dress shirt with only the two bottom buttons in place. Or a denim mini skirt. Works every time.

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    1. Coffey, Victoria's Secret isn't just little tiny sexy undies and lingerie. They also have my favorite granny panties. Judy wears some interesting things for you. I never thought of the man's dress shirt.

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  7. Dear Janie, . . . my response to malls is the same as yours: I have something to buy; I go immediately to the store where I plan to buy it; I ask a clerk to direct me to the right aisle; I choose my item; I pay; and I'm out of there!

    No browsing; no shopping; no looking for bargains. I'm Out Of There!

    Peace.

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    1. Dee, We won't go back unless it's absolutely necessary.

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  8. I do my best to avoid malls. My husband and I walk there when it's the rainy season here in the Pacific NW but we're creeped out by all the ancient people there who are somehow able to walk faster than us. :-o

    I know people who've had similar pre-colonoscopy experiences. Yikes! Sounds SO much worse than the procedure itself. I'm just not that motivated yet...

    --Susan

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    1. Isn't it amazing how old people who can barely lift their little fingers suddenly turn into Olympic marathoners in a mall? Welcome. I am following you, too. Your cartoons are adorable and just the right level of naughty.

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  9. I worked in retail for over 19 years. I avoid the mall like the plague on most occasions. But this past weekend, while Tony and the kids took in a movie, I wandered around the mall for about an hour. I went into stores the boys wouldn't be caught dead in, and when I had had enough, I sat down and read my book.

    But normally, malls and are are not a thing. Christmas shopping is done by October to avoid the crowds.

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    1. I do almost all my Christmas shopping online, and I get it done before Cyber Monday hits.

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  10. I think I must've been standing in a different line when the shopping gene was handed out. Except for antique shopping in big messy stores, and grocery shopping, I'm not a fan.

    As for colonoscopies, there's lots of cancer in my family, so I've already had four of five of those disgusting tests. But it beats the alternative. And the test is MUCH better now than it was when I had the first one. But yeah, you absolutely need someone to drive you home afterwards.

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    1. I know some people who can shop all day, almost every day. I think it's boring and uncomfortable.

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  11. Lola is prettier than the woman in the pic...Lola would make me swoon!

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  12. weird rule. he must not be hurting for clients. i live next to a huge mall, del amo. i'm always passing through. luckily, my route goes past victoria's secrets.

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  13. Yes, I think he's a very popular dentist. And when you pass V.S., do you stop for something pretty? I remember you were in the closet.

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  14. As a woman, I can lay no claims to "womanly excursions". I hate shopping. If what I have still fits, I wear it. The ONLY place I can say I enjoy shopping is Lowe's or Home Depot. I've always been handy and love to stroll the aisles.

    And I doubly hate shopping with another woman who has to touch every damn piece of clothing while saying "Ooooo."

    Yes. It's cotton. Move on.

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