DREAM LOVER

 

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Last week I had a dream that Paul McCartney was my boyfriend. 

It wasn't Paul as he is now, though I'd take him as he is now.

It wasn't Paul when he was a Beatle, though he was adorable then. They all were.

It wasn't Paul when he was this incredibly gorgeous with a baby inside his jacket. This Paul was young and in love with Linda and taking care of their children. I would never be involved with a version of Paul who would cheat on Linda.

It was this middling Paul, after Linda had passed. This Paul was an ardent and devoted boyfriend.

In fact, he wanted to kiss me all the time. Big, wet sloppy kisses. 

After the dream drifted away and the day began, I realized this was my Paul, who must have been kissing me as I slept.

Sweet dreams, everyone. I wish you nothing but sweet dreams and slobbery kisses.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

HI! WE'RE STILL HERE

We'll try to be back to visit with you soon! We miss you. 

HELLO

 Hello, my friends. I'm sorry I haven't been around. I've been ill but I'm recovering and hope to visit with you again soon.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

THE COMMANDS OF A PRINCESS

 Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

During her training, Princess learned sit and down. Here's a picture of her obeying another one of her commands––place:

Place means that Princess is to go into a down-stay in her spot on the couch. Curtis, the trainer, says dogs love to have a job. When Princess is in place, her job is to watch what's going on around her. This spot is an especially good place because it's elevated and because of its proximity to my desk.

I love it that she heels when we go for a walk. When she sees a cat or a squirrel, she looks at it, but she doesn't pull on the leash to go after it. 

Princess knows, although sometimes I have to remind her, she is to sit before we go through a door. Whether she's in her place or in a stay in another spot, free means she's allowed to get up and do as she pleases (within reason).

I say all commands with her name first, such as Princess, place; Princess, sit.

When she disobeys or does something she shouldn't do, I'm supposed to say, Princess, no. I admit sometimes I raise my voice a wee bit and it can take more than one Princess, no to attain the desired result. If I stop petting her and she wants it to continue, she'll paw at me (or a visitor), which is not a good thing. It's annoying, and her paws are big and rough. A much bigger problem is her desperation to go out the front door with me because she wants to go for a ride in the car. Princess does not do well with place or stay if she thinks any chance of a car ride is in her future. 

I do take her in the car with me whenever possible. She's a wonderful companion. Princess can go in Lowe's with me, and sometimes we need to pick up prescriptions at the vet's office. She likes the drive-through at my pharmacy, where she often receives a compliment on her beauty and behavior.

The training has been a tremendous help, but it's a work in progress. We have to continue to practice. We'll train again soon with Curtis. 

And I'll keep telling her, Good girl, Princess. Good doggy.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

A TRAINED PRINCESS

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I finished the training I had to do at work. I'm happy to say it was easier than I thought it would be. Tuesday was my first full day of using my new skills on a different product line. I was exhausted at the end of the day, but I'm always pretty tired because we're so busy. At least I get to deal with a variety of clients and products. The day goes quickly until I get to the last 60 minutes. At that point I'm ready for the day to be over. 

Princess and I have also been going to training together. We've had two of our four follow-up sessions that we need to complete for Princess to have a lifetime guarantee on her training, which means that as long as we complete the four sessions, if Princess needs touch ups on her training, the school will provide the extra lessons at no additional cost.

I haven't told you much about her training, so let's get started. Princess was away from home for four weeks at the end of  November and the first part of December! We missed her so much. Franklin didn't react to her absence, but Penelope was broken hearted, and my anxiety level went to 11.

Every Friday I received a report card from the school, Karma K-9, with photos and short videos of Princess. She always had lots of stars on her report card.

Princess worked with all of the trainers at the school, while I interacted solely with Curtis. When I finally got to pick up Princess, Curtis talked to me about what she had learned and the skills we needed to practice.

Then he told me he was going to ask me to do something really difficult. He said, I'm going to bring out Princess and I don't want you to look at her until I release her.

So I sat in a chair in the waiting room and turned away from the entrance. I wanted so badly to look at Princess when Curtis brought her to within several feet of me, but I waited until Curtis told her Princess, free.

I called her and she ran to me. We hugged and cuddled and kissed. I scratched her back exactly the way she likes it and she was so happy that her back legs moved like she was pedaling a bicycle. 

After the big greeting we had our first training session together. I'll tell you in my next post about the commands we use and what Princess has learned.

For now I'll finish by describing the young lady's homecoming. Although Franklin hadn't reacted to her absence, he was happy to see Princess return. He wagged his tail and wanted to greet Princess and sniff her. But Penelope was thrilled. Her best friend had returned and all was right with Penelope's world. She wiggled and waggled while she and Princess cuddled and kissed. If I had known I could make Penelope so happy, I would have gotten her a Princess a long time ago.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

 

JANIE DREW AND THE MYSTERY OF THE MISSING ROOMBA

 Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

It was a dark and stormy night that Friday morning. In my quiet suburban home, Mrs. Roomba diligently patrolled the living room. Her sleek, circular form glided across the floor, navigating around furniture legs and under tables. Mrs. Roomba's mission was simple: to keep the floor clean, free from dust, crumbs, and most of all, pet hair.

She's had to work especially hard lately. Princess is shedding. Her fur resembles dandelion fluff—soft, delicate, and prone to drifting across the room like tiny parachutes.

As I logged in to work Friday morning, I heard Mrs. Roomba beep off. During a break, I searched for her so I could empty her dust bin and put her on her charging station. But she was nowhere to be found. 

Later, when I had more time, I moved the couch. I moved the chair. No Roomba. Could she have gone into the bedroom? I checked under the bed and in all the closets. Still no sign of her. 

The next day I issued a Missing Roomba Alert. This situation was serious. Clearly, she had rebelled against the increased activity.

I moved the furniture around more, hoping she might be stuck under something. But no luck. She remained elusive.

Then last night, I stepped outside to get a broom from the garage, and there she was––hiding on the deck. The leaves had prevented her clean getaway.

The weather has been nice. While I worked I left the back door open a bit so the dogs could let themselves out. Mrs. Roomba let herself out, too, and not a single dog told me.

I took her into custody, cleaned her out, and charged her overnight. She was back at work this morning, dutifully patrolling the living room again.

Mrs. Roomba might not like it, but she has a job to do, and she's going to do it—no matter what it takes to track her down.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

$83.3 MILLION AND THE BIG ASS KISS-UP

 Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I've completed the first week of training to learn how to work on a new product line. The training isn't nearly as stressful as my regular work, so I feel more relaxed than I have in months. I'd like to remain in training until I retire, please.

I love it that a certain someone has been ordered to pay E. Jean Carroll 83.3 million big ones, and so far, no one has agreed to let him off the hook. As Franklin says when he laughs, *snicker snort.*

Of course, he also continues to insist he doesn't know her. 

I can tell you who she is, donnie. She's the woman who's going to take a significant amount of money from you, and she's going to do good with it. That's her plan.

You should be in prison, but for now we'll have to settle for her taking your money. 83.3 million dollars. Even if you get it reduced some on appeal, she's still going to get a lot of money from you.

*snicker snort*

I also remember when a rapist couldn't have been elected president. There was even a time when a man who was divorced couldn't be elected. But trump supporters represent a new breed of ugly.

Remember all the people who said NOW Melania will leave him after whatever the scandal du jour was? 

Why should she leave? She has money, she lives her own life and seems to pretty much ignore his shit, and she'll probably outlive him by many years and enjoy a long, happy widowhood. If she feels humiliated by his behavior, she doesn't show it.

If James Carville would put on some weight, he might remind me a little bit more of Truman Capote. 

In addition to my amusement over the number 83.3 million, how can I not love the way donnie darko insults his opponents, but when they drop out of the race, they can't wait to kiss up to his big ass, hoping to be his running mate so a crowd will chant their name with the words string him up and hang him? Ooooo, they'll squeal. Is that noose for me? 

How did he insult Ron DeSantis? Let me count a few of the worst ways:

1. In addition to referring to him as Meatball Ron, he said Ron DeSanctimonious groomed high school girls with alcohol when he was a teacher.

2. He accused Mrs. DeSantis, Casey, of committing organized voter fraud.

3. Pudding Fingers: “Ron DeSantis loves sticking his fingers where they don’t belong, and we’re not just talking about pudding.” I don't know where DeSantis supposedly sticks his fingers, but it sounds crude and ugly. 

Tim Scott has kissed up. So has Vivek Ramaswamy. Elise Stefanik wasn't a candidate, but she's definitely running for the vice presidency. She said if she had been vice president, she wouldn't have done what Mike Pence did, which was follow the Constitution, of course. 

As for Nikki Haley, he likes to use her first name, Nimarata, but he pronounces it so it sounds like nimrod. He claims she's not eligible to run for president because her parents weren't U.S. citizens when she was born (she is a citizen of the United States). He also calls her Birdbrain. He said he watched her on the night of the New Hampshire primary "in the fancy dress that probably wasn't so fancy." This from a guy whose clothing never fits properly who puts tape on his tie to try to hold it in place.

He's also furious that Haley hasn't dropped out of the race. I hope she hangs in there till the last minute because anything that makes him more crazy is good. Nikki, please be the one person who doesn't pucker up to plant a big one on that big butt.

I'm better off than I was four years ago, or three years ago. Although I complain about my job, it's still a good job in many ways. It's much better than the last job I had. I handle my finances with care and I can pay my bills. I have lovely friends and a trio of great dogs. 

Knowing that donnie is in the world, knowing that his election is a real possibility, distresses me. He will crap on the Constitution, weaponize the Justice Department, and destroy the economy.

VOTE BLUE BECAUSE YOUR SAFETY, HEALTH, 

AND HAPPINESS DEPEND ON IT.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug