Before I tell you about the neighbors, I feel I must--again--reply to those of you who think I'm cruel for killing lizards who enter my home:
IT'S MY HOUSE.
Now for the happy story of the neighbors who disapparated, and no, I did not stab them with the scissors. First, I should make it clear that we are do not speak of Hot Young Anthony and Sweet Young Allison, parents of Adorable Little Caroline. My angel neighbors remain in their places. Hot Young Anthony even cleaned up my leaves. I did not ask him to do so. He simply did it. I think he feels sorry for me, and he should so it's okay.
The neighbors who disapparated are the ones on the other side. The ones who chat loudly in their driveway at three a.m. Right outside my bedroom window. The woman wanders in and out of her house all night, as she smokes one cigarette after another. Her wheelchair makes a thumpa-thumpa noise as she goes up and down her ramp. They also have weeds growing out of their roof. I don't know why, but the weeds bother me even more than the chatting and the thumpa-thumpa.
I last spotted these neighbors a few days before Thanksgiving. It was dusk as Franklin and I returned home from a pleasant walk. The woman and her wheelchair were out in the front yard. How are you? I inquired.
I have three angry cats in cages, she replied with a mouth so sour I suspected she had just sucked on a lemon.
Oh, dear, I murmured and made a beeline for my door.
I figured Wheelchair Smoker Woman and Silent Husband were going to drop off their cats at her daughter's home and then head out for a vacation.
It is now January seventh, and I have not seen them. No one has mentioned them. No FOR SALE or FOR RENT sign is in their scraggly front lawn. Occasionally lights are on in their house during the evening, and I think, They've returned.
But, no, it must be the daughter checking on the house. But I haven't seen her coming or going.
They have disapparated. I love the spells I learned by reading the Harry Potter books.
heheheheheheheh
Bubble, bubble, toil and trouble . . .
Infinities of love,
Janie Junebug
Now that's a mystery. Let us know if they show up or a for sale sign shows up on the lawn.
ReplyDeletePeople thought I was cruel for poisoning rats that came into my home. Whatever! IT'S MY HOUSE!
ReplyDeleteMy horrible neighbors never seem to go away. Even if they do disappear, someone worse shows up. There is no winning the neighbor thing.
Maybe Hot Anthony will mow their roof.
ReplyDeleteHello, dear Janie Junebug!
ReplyDeleteI, too, have a Hot Young Anthony neighbor.
He doesn't rake my leaves. He hauls my ashes.
(BA-DUM-BUMP)
Your annoying neighbors, the ones "who chat loudly in their driveway at three a.m.," do so for good reason. They need to chat loudly to hear each other over the din you and WDW make in your bedroom.
(BA-DUM-BUMP)
I hope that couple moved out because I'm looking for a new residence. Let me know as soon as you find out for sure that the house is vacant. I'll pack my bags and in no time be the proud owner of waterfront property on Lake Junebug.
Happy Wednesday, dear Janie!
When I first saw the title of this post, I looked up "disapparated" hoping I may have learned a new word. But, alas, it was not meant to be as you tricked me into learning some Harry Potter crap! You know what I do when Harry Potter stuff enters my house? I stab it. That's right, watch yourself, Daniel Radcliffe, or I'll dispatch you as inefficiently as Janie does lizards (really, stabbing just isn't efficient for killing a lizard, maybe have a stomping boot nearby, or is that too cruel).
ReplyDeleteDon't we hope they went to assisted living! And the kitties went to good homes.
ReplyDeleteI think they might have been my neighbors before they were yours. Maybe we will both luck out and they won't move back. :-)
ReplyDeleteThe lizards know what you did with those neighbours. Oh, they know alright.
ReplyDeleteYou're magical! This could come in handy. We need to discuss some services I need...the sooner the better.
ReplyDeleteIT'S MY HOUSE. That's a great sentence to start a story or a book. It is a hook.
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year, Janie.
Where have they gone. Are you sure there isn't a murder/suicide involved? Now is the time for you to start writing your story about the mysteries of the thumpa, thumpa and the smoking lady.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if they left with the cats still in the cages at home? Smell anything rank?
ReplyDeleteCue the Twilight Zone music. Do you have a spell to get rid of the roof weeds too?
ReplyDeleteYou're so brave to kill lizards. I'm too afraid to kill anything with blood---even spiders that look unnaturally meaty.
So glad your spell on Wheelchair Smoker Woman and Silent Husband worked!! (Actually, my owl told me before you posted this.)
ReplyDeleteVery curious. Perhaps they've been beamed up by aliens.
ReplyDeleteIf you start smelling a funky odor I would call the police. The wheelchair lady reminds me of a film "Waking Ned Divine". There was a nasty wheelchair bound cat lady in this film....heheheeee. What will the Lizard King say? Do they taste like chicken?
ReplyDeleteYikes. Does that make you wonder if they got evicted? I'm glad for you but rather curious about the end of the story. Hmm...
ReplyDeleteOh, happy 2015!
Isn't it great when a neighbour we can't stand just vanishes for a while and we hope they never return
ReplyDeleteHi, Janie,
ReplyDeleteHmmmm. Intereasting... Let's hope they never return. I HATE people yammering outside my windows in the middle of the night. I used to live on the second floor of condo building and always hated summer .... In the city, people walk around all hours of the night especially the drunk kids coming out of the bar a few blocks away.
THANKFULLY, I finally sold my condo and now I am on the 17th floor. Now I hear the bus' computerized voice every time it stops in front of my new building. This I can live with... LOL.
Wishing you no lizards and NO returning neighbors for this year!
Or maybe they've become invisible. That's possible, right?
ReplyDeleteHarry Potter - source of great and useful information! Never had cages for our cats. Perhaps they missed out on something.:-) xo Nellie P.S. - I wouldn't like to have a lizard in MY house, either!
ReplyDeleteI came here very early when there were no there were no other comments. I might have been number 1 - but alas - I don't know much about Harry spells. And I'm major terrified of mixers. Green witches make me puke, so I left.
ReplyDeleteYou might suggest to the lizards that there's a home next door available. Not to worry, once the cats return - well, the neighbors might invite you over for Lizard Kebabs. Be polite, take crackers...everything sits on a Ritz. Good cracker.
(Kiss, kiss)
Well maybe they went to Florida for the winter? Oh, right...you already live in Florida. Hmmm. Oh! Maybe they have moved into their attic, because that is where they have a magical forest, hence the weeds growing out of the roof?
ReplyDeleteI'm laughing at Pickleope. What a way to start the new year....having crappy neighbors disapparate! Let's hope it's a permanent spell.
ReplyDelete-andi