Wednesday, September 3, 2014

I BRUISE EASILY

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I'm in the mood to chat about bruises today. This is the bruise I got from the IV that was in my hand when the alien inserted the probe in my butt, a.k.a. I had a colonoscopy.


It's more noticeable in person. The back of my hand looks as if it's been attacked.

I have always bruised easily. My mother bruised easily. The Hurricane bruises easily. No one has ever been able to tell me why I brush against something and get a bruise. Draw a little blood from my arm, and I look as if I've been punched.

My bruise reminds me of something that happened at the nursing home. I had a ton of bruises when I worked there. I was always bumping into things––like the patients' beds––or the patients would fall on me, unintentionally. One of them (sort of) intentionally threw her bed alarm at me. I caught it and felt rather proud of myself. She had dementia and didn't really know what she was doing.

Occasionally I had to work with a charge nurse I detested. Her name was Carolyn. One day I was in the midst of patient care, and she was passing out medications. How did you get those bruises on your arms? she inquired smarmily.

I don't know, I said. Bumped into something, most likely.

It looks kinda like, you know, handcuffs, she said snarkily.

For a moment, I thought she meant that my husband (not yet X) and I had played with handcuffs.



Then I realized she was insinuating that I had been arrested!

I bruise easily, I said.

I don't remember which of my colleagues was working the floor with me that day, but she became quite irate.

Janie is not the sort of person who would be in handcuffs! she said boldly, and loudly.

I felt very pleased that I had someone who would speak up for me. I usually have good relationships with co-workers.

As for Carolyn, she ended up being fired. I don't know why. Maybe she suggested that the Director of Nursing had been in handcuffs.

Some people don't know when to keep quiet.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug


I wish my hair looked like Art Garfunkel's.

41 comments:

  1. I've never been in handcuffs. I freak out if I'm not in full control of my body. Like, I've been tangled in the bed sheet and woken up from a dead sleep to a panic attack because I was restrained. My boyfriend is the only one I trust to pick me up. I had friends that would do it because I was smaller than them, but I freaked out because I wasn't in control anymore.

    I don't know where my bruises come from. I've had several times where Ioom down and my hand is bleeding. That's when it starts stinging.

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    1. I seldom know how I get my bruises, unless I've had an IV or blood work.

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  2. I know it's old fashioned but in the uk female charge nurses are always called sister
    I do like that title.....as for charge nurses... They are only men...I know I used to be one many moons ago

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    1. I've always wondered why the term "sister" is used. We reserve its use for nuns.

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  3. I also bruise easily, and have incredibly sensitive skin. I still have a scar from last year's flu shot. I'm glad your co-worker stood up for you. Nurse Carolyn sounds more like Nurse Ratched!

    Julie

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    1. She had a few supporters, but for the most part, she was unpopular with the rest of the staff.

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  4. Officer Shecky here, Janie Junebug, and I'm placing you under arrest for distracting male motorists with your alabaster skin and causing numerous accidents.

    I'm taking you in. (Here's your chance to lay down the law!)

    When you play around with handcuffs it's a good idea to have a safe word. Mine is BAZINGA!

    You bruise easily because you are blessed with fair skin. It's a modest price to pay for drawing admiring glances from men everywhere you go.

    Happy Wednesday, dear friend Janie!

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    1. "Bazinga" is an excellent safe word. Mine is "bada bing." As for my fair skin, people wonder if I'm about to faint.

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  5. Hasta la vista, Carolyn! I wonder if people are becoming more politically correct at work, but I doubt it.
    I bruise easily, too, always have. Now I just say "it's the drugs." If they're of a certain age, they're probably taking some of the same drugs. If not, let 'em wonder. I didn't mention it first.

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    1. I think that's a good response, Joanne.

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  6. I can identify! I bruise easily as well, and now that daily teeny dose of aspirin doesn't seem to help matters.:-) Have a good Wednesday!

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    1. I don't take aspirin. People always think I do. I'm sorry you bruise easily, too.

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  7. I've noticed the older I get, the more bruises. My sister was just telling me yesterday, how she bruises easy too and has them all over.Iron deficiency maybe???

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    1. I've bruised easily all my life. My mom was anemic, and The Hurricane has to be careful to make sure she gets enough iron. I donate blood often enough to know that my iron is fine.

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  8. I also bruise easily and in combination with being a huge clutz...it ain't pretty. I sometimes look in the mirror and see a massive bruise on the back of my thigh, no idea how it got there.

    I have low platelets, which explains the bruising. Nothing I can do about it.

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    1. Some of my bruises shock me. Sometimes I notice that my leg is sore in a particular spot, and I find a huge bruise.

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  9. I'm sure you would never do anything that would require your hands to be cuffed. You are a good blog mom!

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  10. Okay, time to fess up: do you own a pair of handcuffs? I can get you some.

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  11. I am listening to Simon & Garfunkel right now. Weird. Art was cute as a young'un.
    I used to bruise easily. I don't anymore. Multivitamin? I rub them out as soon as I think I'm going to get one.

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    1. I take a multivitamin, and if I notice I've bumped into something, I use an ice pack.

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  12. I am listening to Simon & Garfunkel right now. Weird. Art was cute as a young'un.
    I used to bruise easily. I don't anymore. Multivitamin? I rub them out as soon as I think I'm going to get one.

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    1. I don't know why you're here twice, but it's nice to see you again.

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  13. I'm sorry you bruise so easily. I'm also a bit perplexed that med professionals don't know why. I guess it doesn't have a simple answer, like diet/iron (?) Well, I'm listening to Art Garfunkel's wonderful tune, and you're in very good company. Poor guy, still bruised by Simon.

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    1. Willy Dunne Wooters told me that Simon and Garfunkel tour together sometimes. I looked it up, and he was right. I felt quite surprised (not because he was right, but because I thought they didn't speak--maybe they don't). I saw Paul Simon in concert a number of years ago. He is the most boring performer I've ever seen, and probably the shortest. I would not want to see him again unless Art was with him.

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  14. Hey, Janie! As a former nurse (I prefer sister...how can I make that happen?), I can say that some folks just have fragile capillaries. It is what it is. Short of having a documented problem with clotting, it might just be a huge dose of Janie-ness.

    I used to love Simon and Garfunkel, but Paul Simon went through several phase post-S&G that were just subpar, in my humble opinion. I wish Art had more solo stuff. But I'm with you - I'd want to see Simon ONLY if Garfunkel was included.

    Glad you liked your cartoon. <3

    Cherdo

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    1. Sister Cherdo, I am quite a fragile creature, so easily harmed. Paul without Art is sometimes okay on recordings, but definitely not okay in person. And he's really short. I knew he was short, but then I saw him and I felt a bit shocked that such a big star could be that short. I adore my cartoon. I'm going to put my cartoon on an altar and worship it.

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  15. Why you bruise? Well its simple: you're a delicate little thing, aren't you? lol Sucks, but at least it seems to be more of a sensitive skin thing for now than a condition or vitamin deficiency. You being on top of knowing your iron levels and reminding The Hurricane to keep an eye out is a good start. I think, but what do I know? I'm no Carolyn . . .

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    1. I'm grateful you're no Carolyn. And yes, I'm quite delicate. I represent the flower of womanhood. I am the angel in the house.

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  16. Right after my split, but just before me divorce was final, I suddenly had bruises ALL over my legs. One of the girls at work looked at me, asked what happened, and when I said I didn't know, she pulled me away privately and said she could help me if he was still hurting me.

    He wasn't, but I never forgot how nice she was for wanting to protect me. :) Turns out, my bruising is directly related to my diet. Low carb = bad bruising.

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    1. It's nice that someone had your back. And your legs. Interesting about low carb. I eat low carb now, but didn't in the past.

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  17. Smarmily and snakily…good word choices! Not ones you'd use when talking about someone you like. Carolyn sounds like she got what she deserved.

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    1. Nurses were needed so badly that they weren't fired unless they were quite awful.

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  18. It's must be tough to bruise so easily.... I guess I'm lucky I don't... I'm always cracking my hip bones or elbows on something. OUCH! No bruises by achy bones. LOL..

    Hang in their Janie.... conceal those bruises with a bit of coverup makeup... You don't want people to think you're battered.

    Sending you a GENTLE hug....

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    1. Thank you so much for the gentle hug. I broke my back several years ago. When I was able to go to church, the pastor grabbed me and gave me a big hug. I squeaked out, Broken back! That hug was painful, but he didn't mean to hurt me.

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  19. Snarky old nurse--Bah!!
    I never used to bruise easily, but have noticed small bruises occasionally when I have no recollection of bonking myself. My skin is changing texture, though. Seems thinner than it used to be. Getting old, I tell you!
    I loved Simon and Garfunkel and knew they still tour together on occasion. Have watched some videos of performances. But I also loved what I have heard of Paul by himself, too. (Adored Graceland!) They are both very talented. It was pure magic when they we young, wasn't it?!

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    1. Sound of Silence, Bridge Over Troubled Water, the stuff used in The Graduate --so many great songs. Artie had such a pure, beautiful voice. I'm not that crazy about Paul alone. I used to like him, and then I saw him in person and he wasn't very good. He had absolutely no enthusiasm. He might as well have been a mannequin standing there while someone played his CDs, but he's a great songwriter. I know something nice I can say about Paul: someone who is related to Paul told him that a teacher who was killed at Sandy Hook Elementary loved The Sound of Silence. It was her favorite song. Paul played and sang at her funeral. That was a kind thing to do. As we get older, our skin gets thinner, and eventually it can be like tissue paper. A lot of elderly people get skin tears.

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  20. I bruise easy nowadays but that is down to the blood thinners I take to prevent stroke, not that I have ever had a stroke but my mum did when she was 38 so they give them to me to prevent it happening to me the down side is I bleed easy and I bruise easy

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    1. Yes, blood thinners have some troublesome side effects.

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  21. My ex is a cop. That pretty much ruined any possible chance of ever having a handcuff fantasy. I've had a couple of really bad bruises from blood draws. Usually when they completely miss and the needle is basically poking out the other side of my arm. I have really nice, accessible veins, too. I could probably do a better job myself.

    -andi

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