Thursday, October 3, 2013

MOVIE WEEKEND: IDENTITY THIEF

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

This is the second week in a row that I'm going to present a movie I don't like: Identity Thief (2013, Rated R, Available on DVD).


I've seen two DVDs that I absolutely love, but I'm not telling you about them because I'm too sick to do them justice.

Okay, in this piece of crap Sandy Patterson (Jason Bateman) has his identity stolen by Diana (Melissa McCarthy). Sandy is so frickin' stupid that when Diana calls him posing as someone from something, I think it's his bank or credit card company, to "verify" information, he fricking tells her everything. All the stuff we're warned not to do, and you know what? I do stupid things, too, but this is just too stupid because Sandy lives in Colorado and he actually drives to Florida to pick up his thief and take her back to Colorado. Stupid road trip ensues.

I kind of liked one little somewhat heartwarming moment at the end.

Jason Bateman and Melissa McCarthy, you are too good for this movie. Do you need money that badly? Are you afraid that if you don't work all the time that you'll never work again? Don't you have any money from the TV series you were on?

I'm especially disappointed in you, Melissa, because you were Sookie on MY show, and you were really good. I realize that some of you don't know that I am the real Lorelai Gilmore from The Gilmore Girls, and The Hurricane is Rory Gilmore, except she's mathematician Rory instead of journalist Rory because newspapers are going down the toilet. Here's what I really look like:


I look good, don't I? Melissa, you played my best friend and chef at my inn and you were so sweet and nice. Why do you make crappy movies now?

Jason Bateman, I don't remember what show you were on, but you were very good in Juno, even though you ended up being not very likable.

Stop making these stupid movies. Just stop it. I don't think you should let kids watch this movie unless you want to show them an example of a bad movie. Besides, it's Rated R.

If you like this movie, then more power to ya. I want you to be happy. But with me, Identity Thief earns The Janie Junebug Seal of Crabbiness and Crappiness.

And, no, I wasn't sick when I watched it, but I'm sick now and blogger isn't working right. It's not fair.


Infinities of love and sickness,

Janie Junebug



19 comments:

  1. I agree that Melissa's talents, especially, were wasted in this film. She is one amazingly talented woman, and I hope finds another film more worthy of her. And I surely hope you get to feeling better soon.

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    1. Comedies seem to be going to heck in a hand basket. Thank you for your kind wishes.

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  2. This movie didn't seem very appealing and I do believe I'll accept your opinion and avoid it. Hope you're feeling better soon.

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  3. Replies
    1. Stop giving me those big slobbery kisses.

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  4. It was difficult to read this review after, "in this piece of crap."

    Get well soon. I'm looking forward to the good movies. Horrible Bosses did indeed suck, as you said it would.

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  5. I didn't like this movie either... I'm usually up for a good comedy, but this I did not find good...

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  6. Jason was on Valarie and Arrested Development. Both of which I liked. AND... I liked this movie simply because it was so stupid and required no thought what so ever. But that is what I wanted to get out of it, so I was happy. Favorite line in the movie, when she's running away, he chases her, stands in front of her after about 100 feet and she says "What are you, a Kenyan?"

    I also feel pretty crappy for what it's worth. Damn pine pollen.

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    1. I'm so sorry you don't feel well. I know Jason from Arrested Development, but never saw the other show. Sometimes a movie that doesn't require any thought is the perfect thing. That's when I usually dig out something I've seen before that makes me happy.

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  7. ok I don't know if my first comment got through, but just in case, I'll do it again

    - I didn't like this movie either. I always enjoy a good comedy, but this is not one of them.

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  8. I am not a movie person, rarely go to movies, rarely rent movies. I think I'm not good a picking movies. Clearly, you would agree with my self assessment! Turns out I picked this ridiculous movie recently. What a waste of time!! I've been intrigued by many of your reviews and plan to watch some of the ones you've liked!

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    1. I hope you enjoy some of the movies I like. I'm not much of a mainstream person.

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  9. I'm so sad because now I won't be able to watch this movie and I really like MM and JB. But if this movie is suck-ola then I won't waste my time. I also loved Gilmore Girls, and Sookie was awesome. If you haven't watched Arrested Development on Netflix, you're missing out. Jason Bateman (and the whole cast) is freaking hilarious. Brilliant show. Oh yeah...hurry up and feel better, dammit.

    -andi

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    1. You can still watch it. You might like it, and I won't make fun of you if you do. I love Arrested Development and I know Bateman is in it, but wasn't he a child actor too? Maybe I'll Google him, if I remember, and that's a big if.

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  10. Sadly, I think Melissa's talents have been wasted ever since Gilmore Girls. She may be making a butt load of money, but I cannot imagine she will look back 30 years from now and be proud of jumping on the crap bandwagon. Maybe she will be. Who knows? But I am sick of these awful comedies and I am glad you confirmed my decision to pass on this one in the first place.

    Hope you feel better soon. :)

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  11. When I saw the shorts to this movie I thought it looked like a one laugh movie if that, but I haven't seen it so I really don't know

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