I assume most of you are seated when you read blog posts, but if for some strange reason you are standing, then please sit down. I have some news, and I don't want one of you fainting, falling, hitting your head on the bookcase, needing ten stitches, and then suing me.
All right. Here's the news: I have a date tomorrow.
Stay calm. Stay very calm . . . because I'm not.
I haven't been on a date in more than 33 years. The last time I had a date, we went disco dancing.
I am going to meet my date at a restaurant, where I assume we will dine. But I wonder how dating has changed.
Will we bring our cell phones and text each other to have a conversation rather than actually talking? If he wants to tell me something really important, will he step outside and call me on his cell phone while I stay at the table?
What if I have gas?
What if he tries to get me to eat a pickle? I can't tell him on the first date that blow jobs are okay, but pickles are out.
Jiminy Crickets.
I know you're supposed to get Movie Movie Weekend today, and I actually saw two excellent movies this week (movies I think you'll like, Dee); but you're simply going to have to wait till next week for movies.
I am too busy reading, editing, writing, and worrying to tell you about something as trivial as excellent and unusual movies. Oi!
I have not met this man in person. We have emailed each other and talked on the telephone. He knows the difference between your and you're and it's and its (oh, thank you, Jesus).
I promise I will not bring him home with me on the first date. Or if I do bring him home, it will be if he offers to wash my windows and clean my house.
Pardon me now. I am the one who is going to faint, and it's not from surprise. It's because I'm so nervous and because I need to start NOW to get my hair to cooperate.
Infinities of love,
Janie Junebug
I am so happy for you. I know you are scared, excited, and dreading all at once. The only advice I can give is just be yourself (don't try to be what you think he wants you to be) and go commando (makes for easier access.) It's just dinner, not a life long commitment (an maybe a roll in the hay), so enjoy the company, conversation and penetration.
ReplyDeleteOh Coffey, I can't help loving you.
DeleteI absolutely cannot wait to read about this. I hope you have a marvelous time. Behave yourself!!!
ReplyDeleteI will definitely behave myself, if I can figure out how.
DeleteOh Janie, I don't think dating has changed that much...except for the pickles and blow jobs, which are a definitely NO {at least not on the first date, but that is personal preference}
ReplyDeleteI'm sure your hair will be on it's best behaviour, just act normally.
If you have already talked to this guy, then I'm sure that things will work out fine.
Just don't get too inebriated that he is forced to give you a piggy-back home or you force him into doing house-work for little or no wages.
Looking forward as to this turns out, good luck ;)
There will be no inebriation because we aren't drinkers. In reality, all I do to my hair is wash it and comb it. I don't think he knows yet that I have pink and blue streaks. Surprise!
DeleteI agree with coffee... go commando. Although, it would be much harder to hide the gas...
ReplyDeleteIs that because the gas will be squirty? Ewwwww. Maybe I should wear a diaper.
DeleteIf you don't know how to act, maybe it's pointless for me to tell you to 'act like you're a lady'.
ReplyDeleteYeah, pointless.
DeleteI'm nearly as excited as you are!
ReplyDeleteWell, probably not, but I can't wait to hear about it!
I hope you aren't as nervous as I am cuz that's plenty nervous.
DeleteAs to THE QUEEN BEE's comment of "Behave yourself!"--I thought you wanted to have a good time!! Just be yourself, if you can figure out who that is!
ReplyDeleteI already explained to him about Janie and Lola. I hope he understands I'm naughty but nice.
DeleteHope you have a great date! I'm sending good thoughts so you won't pass gas or have to eat pickles.
ReplyDeleteI can avoid pickles but sometimes the gas can't be helped. And mine tends to be audible.
DeleteWoo HOO! Just relax, be yourself, and have a good time. Oh, and don't worry about the pickles. Um, don't think that's gonna be an issue.
ReplyDeleteI will tell the server not to put a pickle on my plate and I won't mention blow jobs.
Deleteoh wow. excited for you really.
ReplyDeletehow did it all go ? cant wait for the story ;)
I'll meet him in about four hours. I'll provide a report in a couple of days.
DeleteHe'll dig you. We all do!
ReplyDeleteOh Rory, you are my sweetheart.
DeleteJanie, I'll trade the movie review for an entertaining post about your date. It's more intriguing as you are the actress in this movie.
ReplyDeleteAnd, sorry I'm late for the before-the-event news, but I'm happy that I can learn about the details. Fill me in.
Were you nervous?
Did he pass gas or did you?
Did you take him home or did he ask you to go home with him?
Did he talk on his cell phone?
What about pickles?
I'll try to write a post tomorrow with all the news that is news. Thank you for asking, Peaches.
DeleteI haven't been on a date since around 1991 or 1992, if I can even remember that far back. Good luck! I hope it was a good date and he was a nice guy. :):)
ReplyDeleteRita, he's a very nice guy. You'll hear more about him.
DeleteSo how did it go? By the way does he know you have a blog??
ReplyDeletewww.thoughtsofpaps.com
It went very well, and I'm about to write a post about it for tomorrow. Yes, he knows I have a blog, but he hasn't seen it.
DeleteDEar Janie, I'm looking forward to the movie reviews! I've read your report on the date, so I'll go to that posting and leave another comment! Peace.
ReplyDelete