MILE HIGH LOLA

Gentle Readers,

We are up to 25 followers. Can you believe how quickly this has happened? I thank every one of you who referred someone to me and those of you who followed me after I followed you and those of you who showed up of your own volition, maybe because you had nothing better to do. It's all good Mama.

I'm so happy that I came right out of the closet and said I wanted more followers. It reminds me of a song I used to teach my Sunday School students, and yes, I know it's scary that I taught Sunday School and Vacation Bible School, but as far as I know I didn't cause permanent damage to any children. Anyhoo, the chorus of the song went like this:

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If you will ask, it will be given to you.
If you will seek, the Lord will help you find.
If you will knock, the door will open to you
Because God gives good gifts to those who ask him to. 

I also went out on a limb and risked the bough breaking and the cradle falling and down will come Lola (isn't that a creepy song for little kids when you think about it?) when I asked Cinderita if I could write a guest post for her. She could have said no. I would have been disappointed, but I would have lived. We have to risk failure sometimes to get what we want, and happily, Cinderita said yes. So,

NEXT FRIDAY IS A VERY IMPORTANT DAY! I GUEST POST AT The Adventures of Cinderita.  YES, I KNOW THAT PREVIOUSLY THIS MESSAGE SAID I WOULD GUEST POST TOMORROW. BUT BECAUSE OF TECHNICAL GLITCHES, MY DEBUT IS DELAYED. 

I know it might seem kind of strange to you that a woman of my age  considerable experience could be a virgin at anything, but I am a virgin guest poster. Please be gentle with me next week. Hold me as you would the finest china. Go to Cinderita's blog and read my post and leave me some love there so Cinderita knows that there are people in the world who like me! Who really like me! And remember, it will be NEXT Friday, not tomorrow.

Now let's get down to posting. Life 101 wrote a post on Tuesday about some folks who on 9/11, on a commercial airliner, in the bathroom, caused a considerable amount of trouble because they got caught  attempting to? or actually did? join The Mile High Club.

I have been confused by The Mile High Club for many years. I am most definitely not a member, and I strongly suspect that the club is a joke that doesn't really exist. If you want to tell me I'm wrong and you know the club exists because you belong, then feel free to write a comment complete with details that make everybody scream TMI, and I promise nobody will snicker at you (yeah, right).

Let's be logical about going in the bathroom of an airplane. I don't use airplane bathrooms unless I absolutely must. The water in the toilet is way too blue, for one thing, and for another, you open the nasty folding door and you slither into the bathroom and then you pretty much have to press yourself against the toilet to close the door. It's rather difficult to walk in and turn around to close the door. There is not enough room to turn around comfortably.

If it's difficult for one person to get in an airplane bathroom, then how could two people get in there? Did the guy drop to his knees and the woman rode in on his shoulders? Did one of them stand on the toilet seat while the other squeezed in (oh gross, what if your foot slipped and ended up in the blue water?)? Were they really skinny contortionists? You tell me how it's done. I always found it difficult to get into an airplane bathroom with a tiny toddler.

Now let's assume that somehow the two of them got into the bathroom, which apparently, actually happened. Once the two are in that teeny-tiny space, uh, how do they manage to do it? There's barely enough room for one woman to get her pants down. How do two people have enough room to get their pants down? And then do they bump uglies standing up? That would be so uncomfortable, and I can see how those people got caught if that's what they did. Somebody would be banging (intentional use of pun) up against the door as the act occurred. I think that would alert the plane's staff pretty quickly.

Another possibility, and this is so disgusting, is that one person sits on the toilet and the other person is on his knees, and I just don't want to think about the rest. 

Or maybe somebody put her bare butt on the sink . . .  This is something people want to do because it's sexy? Oh puh-lease.

I could go on and on and on because I am Lola and I have so much to say, but I'll try to stop for now. 

I'll just make an even greater effort to stay out of airplane bathrooms because who knows what has gone on in there besides peeing?

Infinities of love,

Lola

Seriously: I want to know if The Mile High Club is for real and how doin' the nasty in that tiny stinky disgusting space is accomplished and why would anyone want to? Are there people in first class shit-faced enough from the free liquor to actually think woo-hooing in the toilet is sexy? You get off the plane after a while. You go home and get in your nice comfy bed. Or, if necessary, go to a hotel. Or if you're that desperate, drive the Chevy onto a back road and climb in the back seat. A back seat would be more comfortable than an airplane bathroom. I think I'm really finished now, so good night.