Gentle Readers,
Does anyone remember Cecil the Seasick Sea Serpent? It was a cartoon that was on TV when I was really little. I had a red Cecil suitcase. Very small, so I couldn't take much loot with me if I decided to run away from home.
Several months ago, I told you how freaked out I was by a creature that was in my second bedroom -- the one I use as my office. I was too upset to say what kind of critter it was, and I'm still too upset; so we'll say it was a sea serpent.
The critter disappeared and I never found it, dead or alive.
Last weekend, I went in the office and there the same critter was on the floor by the bed (the office doubles as my guest room). Was it the same sea serpent, a brand new sea serpent, or a descendant of the first sea serpent?
Anyhoo, I tried to whack it with a box, but it ran under the bed. I got the broom, intending to force the little monster out, but he had outfoxed me again and disappeared.
Move forward in time two hours: I fix my supper and go to the family room to eat in front of the TV because who wants to eat all alone at a dining room table? And there is said serpent in my chair, actually on the pillow I use to cushion my aching back.
I squealed and the dogs looked alarmed. What to do? Oh, what to do? If I ran to get something to kill said serpent, he would be gone by the time I got back. So screaming Banzai, I stabbed him with my dinner fork. He fell off the pillow onto his back. I watched him carefully, just in case he was playing possum. When I knew he was most definitely dead, I got the vacuum cleaner and sucked up my serpent.
Then yesterday I decided to vacuum the entire house. I opened the vacuum to make sure the bag wasn't full and oh my goodness the stench! I had forgotten the serpent and he'd been rotting in there all week. I quickly threw out the bag and replaced it. When I first turned on the vacuum, everything smelled of decomposing sea serpent, but the odor dissipated after a few minutes.
Please, Dear Lord, deliver me from Moby Dick. No more monsters in the house. Just dogs and me.
Oh, but the good thing is that my dinner was unusually delicious with sea serpent guts on my fork.
Infinities of love,
Lola
My motto as an editor: Authors are the authority on their work. I'm a full-service editor. For a reasonable fee, I'm your writing coach from the first suggested revision to the correction of the final typo.
I'm so proud that you got close enough to stab it with a fork.
ReplyDelete*sigh*
Sadly, I usually have to get the shovel out of the garage. Or throw a shoe at it. Don't laugh. I am deadly with stillettos.
hahaha aren't you a tad violent..haha...never heard of that cartoon, way before my time I think..haha
ReplyDeleteThank you Julianna, but I really had no choice. Pat, thou must not flaunt thy youth to thine elders. Keep my violent side in mind.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Lola
Ok now I have to know. Snake, mouse or rat? Come on be nice. I'm so totally curious I should have been born a cat. lol
ReplyDeleteSo you liked the three little piggy story? lol Me too. One of my favorites!
ReplyDeleteLOVE the three little piggies. Will email you with identity of the serpent.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Lola
Last weekend, I went in the office and there the same critter was on the floor by the bed (the office doubles as my guest room). Was it the same sea serpent, a brand new sea serpent, or a descendant of the first sea serpent?
ReplyDeleteAnyhoo, I tried to whack it with a box, but it ran under the bed. I got the broom, intending to force the little monster out, but he had outfoxed me again and disappeared.
I was going to make a comment that this is the most sexually subtle post I've ever read, considering that it might just have been a vibrator left on, but after reading about your dinner that night, yeah, the joke doesn't work as well.
Oh my goodness, great minds think alike. When I was writing the first part, I wondered if someone was going to think it had to do with penises or a sex toy. I suppose I could stab a penis with my fork. Brahahahahahahahaha
ReplyDeleteLove,
Lola
I have seen two of these creatures. One in my garage and today in the Church that I was visiting. It was by the toilet. I thought maybe I was missing something.
ReplyDeleteIt was by the toilet. I thought maybe I was missing something.
ReplyDeleteToilets are the portals to Hell.