Since it has become ridiculously hot and humid of late, I have noticed something occurring on my deck after dark: Gigantic cockroaches holding gigantic cockroach races on the deck rails.
The first time I saw one of these monsters I thought it had to be an anomaly. There couldn't possibly be more than one of these creatures in existence.
But then I saw another and another and another.
And then the unthinkable happened.
Twice during the past week I have opened the door at about 10 p.m. to let the dogs in and a major cockroach has trotted in with them.
These
mofos
are
bigger
than
the
chi
hua
huas.
In fact, I'm surprised they haven't carried the chihuahuas away.
These things are so big I'm too afraid to try to smash them with a napkin or paper towel because if I missed and the man-eater got away and ran up my arm or even worse, down my nightie, I would scream so loud that the neighbors would think I was being attacked. Then when they found out I was screaming because of a bug they wouldn't bother to come over when I really am attacked.
So both times, squealing like a pig, I have managed to plug in the vacuum cleaner and suck them up, where they can build their roach cities in the bag until it's so full of collie hair that I throw it out.
Thank God I don't have the kind of bag that has to be emptied.
If this is going to become a regular problem, then I have to have a better way to kill roaches.
Bazooka?
Sawed-off shotgun?
I avoid Wal-Mart like the plague, but perhaps I will have to go there and check out the fire arms section.
La cucaracha, la cucaracha
Ya no puede caminar
Por que no tiene, por que le falta
Marijuana que fumar
Learned that from my Spanish teacher in eighth grade. Now I'm the one who needs the marijuana que fumar.
By the way, that squeal like a pig thing is in the movie Deliverance
, but it is not in the novel Deliverance by James Dickey
, which is beautifully written and indicative of Dickey's skill as a poet, for which he was primarily known.Love,
Lola
Hahahahaha
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