WHAT A DISAPPOINTMENT

Alas, Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell, 

You have disappointed me. I asked you for job suggestions. Although you came up with a few that were interesting, most of your offerings were quite pedestrian. 

Therefore, I have created my own list of jobs that would be a good fit for me––jobs for which my particular skillset would be appreciated. 

Here we go:

1. A Las Vegas residency that would allow me to dance around in a skimpy costume and warble into a microphone à la Britney Spears
2. Supermodel
3. Arbiter of Grammar, which would lead to me having led the citizens of the United States into correct use of past tense
4. Adviser to POTUS (and it is adviser; you only get to use advisor if you're British or Canadian) 
5. Best-selling author of a book that changes the world for the better and only takes five minutes to write.
6. International Superstar
7. Word maker-upper, especially for new prescription drugs 

And come on! What about Queen of the World?

Now if I can only figure out how to apply for one of these jobs and who does the hiring, I'll be all set.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

THE HUNT

 Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I'm looking for a job. I can use the income and, even more important, the health insurance. My COBRA benefits will end soon.

It used to be that work-from-home schemes were exactly that: schemes, rip offs, whatever you want to call them. Now quite a few legitimate jobs are work from home. It would be nice to toil right here in the Little House On The Swamp. When I need a break, Penelope can take over and answer calls with a French accent.

I started applying Sunday night and posted my résumé on Indeed, which has brought a few inquiries my way. With the labor shortage, I should be able to find something quickly. Or is the labor shortage limited to certain restaurants, every fast-food drive-thru, and all the garbage hauling companies in the world? Those are the places I hear about all the time. I don't think I'll be joining the staff at Mickey D's anytime soon, and garbage pick up? I'd probably throw myself face down in the street and beg the driver to run over me so I could escape the stench and the uniform.

So what's the right job for me? What do you think I should be hired to do? 

Go ahead. Be creative.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

I CHANGED MY PHONE NUMBER

 Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Several months ago I gave up the telephone number I'd had since 2009. I hoped I'd have more privacy with a different number, and I was fed up with certain phone calls.

One type of annoying call came from DirecTV. Their robocalls rang me every single day, sometimes as often as seven times. DirecTV wanted me to call because I qualified for 50% off on my account. I canceled DirecTV at the beginning of the year. I have no account. No matter how many numbers I blocked, DirecTV always got through, so I seldom answered my phone. Farewell, DirecTV.

The other calls began a few days after I got the phone number. They were for a woman named Lisa. I won't reveal her last name or where she lives, although she had no problem giving out my number as her own. Apparently, my number had been hers (I think) before it was mine, but she never stopped using it. At first, the calls were from angry bill collectors who didn't believe my protestations that I am not Lisa and never have been Lisa. Later, I received calls from companies that wanted to deliver furniture and other items she'd ordered, and people who wanted to confirm appointments with her, and on and on and on. I don't know if anyone was able to figure out how to get in touch with her.

Why did she give out a phone number that wasn't hers when she bought furniture? It mystifies me.

I even received text messages from her husband, who begged her to stop messing with his mother's phone. I texted back to tell him it wasn't her number. He was quite surprised.

Then the housing shortage began. In addition to calls and text messages from people who wanted to buy my house, I got calls and texts from people who wanted to buy her house. I have no idea if she actually lives there or just gives out the address as her own.

Whatever. 

I get a few calls at the new number for someone else who had it. But it's not as bad as getting calls for Lisa.

Buh-bye, Lisa.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

Lisa and her husband can't find each other:

Lisa makes appointments:

Poor Lisa:

DOGGY WEATHER REPORT

 Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I awoke Thursday morning to a warm ball of Penelope curled against my lower back and knew the temperature had dropped. We're enjoying sun and lower humidity––what a relief after the heat of summer.

Franklin's thyroid number was too high, so he takes one pill per day now instead of two. He is a happy-go-lucky guy, as long as he doesn't have to get in or out of the car.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

DEAD ARMADILLO BY THE SIDE OF THE ROAD

 Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

On Aug. 19th when I said I needed to take a blogging break, I didn't know I'd be away so long. I still have a long to-do list, but I miss you too much to allow it to continue to keep me away from you.

I crossed one item off my list this morning. I got my flu shot.

On Monday I went to Costco and did indeed see roadkill armadillo. It was not pretty, but far worse appeared before my eyes inside Costco.

It's not even October!

I've done some cleaning and organizing around the house, including a lot of work on kitchen cabinets. These were stuffed. Now I can find things in them.

I also have new light gray sheets for my bed, a gigantic Sensorpedic pillow, and a StoriArts Little House On The Prairie blanket to take the place of my falling-apart quilt.

I love the blanket. It's so soft. 

The next item on the list is taking Franklin to the vet for a thyroid check. He's been on his meds for a month. I'm confident his level will be fine because he's so much livelier. He's even returned to dancing for his supper, which entails trotting backward while moving his front paws around as if he's tap dancing.

If it ever cools down, I hope he'll be willing to take longer walks. I can use some good walkies, too.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug