BULLY FOR YOU: LINDA RECALLS PHYSICAL BULLYING OF HER DAUGHTER

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Our BULLY FOR YOU guest postess today is Linda of PRACTICAL PARSIMONY. True to her blog's title, Linda regularly presents ways to save money. Today she shares with us the physical bullying her daughter experienced in her dance class and in school.

When my daughter was five, she took tap and ballet along with about eight other little girls. She complained about another little girl kicking her. I asked what were they doing. My daughter said they were all lined up, holding the bar, listening to the tap/ballet instructor. Well, they had on tap shoes. She said one girl behind her kept kicking her in the back of her ankle every day. I suggested she get in line in a different place. She said she did, but the girl would come and get behind her. L had bruises all the time from weeks of kicking. My daughter tried to solve the problem by moving and telling her to stop. She did not retaliate by kicking or yelling.

I suppose I sound like a annoying mother right now, but my daughter L was beautiful. She was the prettiest girl in the room and this annoying little kicker was a mousy sort. I can only assumed she fixated on something she was not to make L's life miserable. People on streets and restaurants mistake my L for Mariah Carey now that my daughter is grown. So, I am not the only person who sees something pretty there.

The next time tap class was held, I went inside to watch. I stayed out of sight and watched the interaction before the kicking. Okay, I watched through a crack in door that was partially open. I wanted to see if my daughter and this little girl were equally guilty before I complained. My daughter was not teasing the other girl, did nothing to instigate the kicking. As a matter of fact, my daughter was basically ignoring her and everyone else as they all listened to the teacher, all but the kicker. The kicker did look at the dance instructor but still kicked my daughter. My daughter could not turn and complain because the dance instructor had told them to face him and listen as they held the bar.

The mother of the kicker was sitting in her car, waiting for the class to end. I went to her and related what L told me and what I observed. She asked very defensively what my daughter did to her daughter. I told her she had better take care of her child's behavior!  After the class, I went to the tap teacher, an elderly man. He said he had never seen anything my daughter described, practically calling her a liar. I told him I had just observed the kicking and suggested he make a general announcement, then speak to the kicker. That ended the bullying.

THEN, my daughter was in the same public school classroom with the kicker in the second grade. UGH! She never bothered L until the winter. L came home soaked every day. She said the kicker accidentally spilled her carton of milk on L's chest, back, or hair every day. I told L to stay away from her. She said that she had tried sitting in a difference place during the milk break.

This time I called the principal. He said I should try to be understanding because the child's father had died suddenly the year before. I knew this and told him I was sympathetic but that my child should not have to be soaked in milk if the kicker needed therapy. I also related the kicking incident that occurred after father died. Since I called him shortly after 8 o'clock, I told him to solve the problem before break time because she had instructions to call me if she got wet again. If the problem was not solved/stopped that day, I was going to the school board and insist she spend time in therapy and be removed from my daughter's classroom since L was her target. I suggested maybe that more drastic efforts should be made to stop her.

L came home dry that day. I commented on it and asked how she managed to avoid the kicker/spiller. She was all smiles and said the principal came in during break and sat in one of their little chairs and visited. The kicker/spiller approached him, faked a trip and extended her milk carton to soak him. He reached out and grabbed the carton. I and L were vindicated because he saw what happened and surely realized it was a fake trip. So, my daughter was not a liar!

My daughter was instructed not to be mean to this girl but to just ignore her from now on. I thought any friendship that could occur might just be seen as weakness from this kicker/spiller and that she would be even more devious in her bullying efforts in the future.

This bullying was always physical, never verbal. My daughter was very sociable and the other little girl was not. Make of that what you will. As the mother, I was in agony at the fact my little girl was kicked and soaked, mostly in cold weather.

Every year, I chose my child's teacher. After that year, I reminded the secretary of the physical acts of aggression towards my child and made sure the bully would not be in my daughter's class because the kicking was an overt act that could not be called an accident and left bruises that did not soon fade. So, the bully moved to an overt, still non-verbal "accident" to torture and control my child every day of the school week for weeks. I worried what the little bully might think up next when she learned to be covert and maybe more verbal in her attacks.

Thank you so much for writing this post, Linda. I'm glad the principal acted. The kicking must have been painful for your daughter, and getting soaked with milk would have been uncomfortable. I'm sure it caused a lot of worry for you, along with the extra work of washing her hair and clothes. It's so sad that "the kicker" fixated on your daughter.

I encourage you all to check out Linda's blog and to leave her some bloggy love in the comments.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug