Tuesday, December 11, 2012

ELVIS AARON SCHWARZ GETS COLD FEET

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Elvis Aaron Schwarz has gotten cold feet. What? What's all that yammering about?

Oh, you thought Elvis had backed out of our friendship. No way! That's not what I meant by cold feet.

Hi! Remember me?
I'm Elvis Aaron Schwarz.
My baby doll is the one who has cold feet.

You see, on Thanksgiving I gave Elvis kind of a nasty surprise. I was cold so I climbed into bed with him for a warm cuddle. But I touched poor Elvis with my feet. That's how he got cold feet.

One touch of my feet and I heard a grown man squeal like a little girl. Your feet are freezing, he screeched. You have ice cubes instead of toes.

I know, I said. That's why I put my feet on you. I need you to warm my feet.

As my feet explored Elvis's warm body, I discovered that Elvis was wearing socks.

Uh, honey, I said. Are those the kind of socks that are tight around your ankles?

Yes, he grunted.

It's really not a good idea to sleep in socks like that, I told him. They cut off the circulation to your feet.

A minute later Elvis made some strange wiggling motions.

What, pray tell, are you doing? I inquired.

I'm taking off my socks, Elvis answered.

You're taking off your socks because I said it would be good for you? I asked, feeling quite pleased that a man had listened to me.

I've learned it's easier to just do what a woman says than to argue, Elvis replied.

Oh, that Elvis Aaron Schwarz. He is so intelligent. 

Because Elvis is diabetic, I've taken it upon myself to care for his feet because I want him to keep those tootsies. Elvis loves it when I soak his feet in warm water with peppermint sprinkles. Then I scrub his feet gently and massage his feet and legs with peppermint lotion. I even trim his toenails. 

What a simple thing to do, and it makes Elvis so happy.

As for my feet, I can take care of them myself. But Elvis does like something about my feet, as long as I'm not touching him with icy toes.

It seems that Elvis likes peep-toe shoes.

As soon as I found out, I bought a pair. They're black and pink.




 Do you think he'll like them? I hope so.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug



21 comments:

  1. Sounds like you need a product I saw on the Steve Harvey show yesterday. Dunno what they're called, but they're slippers meant to be warmed in the microwave, so they keep your tootsies nice and toasty. Of course, Harvey went on about how HIS mother would react to somebody putting something in HER microwave that had been on somebody's feet.

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    1. I have electric slippers. I plug them in and they're kind of like an electric blanket for my feet, but they're sewn together. I can't get up and walk with them on. Besides, I'd have to unplug them to be able to get up. I guess I'll just have to stay in my chair forever.

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  2. "I've learned it's easier to just do what a woman says than to argue, Elvis replied." That makes him an instant keeper and a brilliant man!
    Love the shoes and love his taste in shoes! Any man who loves peep-toes is a man with good taste! (but we all knew that anyway since he's taken a liking to you ;)

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  3. How is it that women always have cold feet? when I'm sat next to my wife on the sofa she sticks her feet up my jumper to get them warm.

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    1. I don't know why women have cold feet. The Hurricane's feet are like ice and they always have been. When she was little and she wanted to get in bed with me, I'd say, All right, but don't you dare touch me with those feet. It's very sweet, though, that you let Mrs. Van Helsing warm her feet on you.

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  4. Did you get a pair for him, too??

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    1. Yes, for Christmas. I think he'll look great in them.

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  5. Oh my goodness. Reading that is like reading a teenaged love note. How completely adorable ARE YOU!!!??? So cute! You are a good woman!

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    1. Aw, shucks. Thanks, Rita. I'm smitten.

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  6. When we married, I worked hard to initiate Stud into the joys of foot massage. MY feet, HIS hands. He was so trainable. I now get an hour of foot massages every night. You might want to train Elvis instead of training yourself. The day will come when he expects a massage and you've got sore arms.

    I love those shoes!

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    1. Stud must be as smart as a good dog if he's so trainable. I actually enjoy massaging Elvis's feet for him. I feel as if I'm putting my healthcare training to good use.

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  7. He's gonna love those shoes. Or rather, he's gonna love your ice cold tootsies in those shoes. :)

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    1. He'll love the shoes because when my feet are in them, my feet won't be touching him.

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  8. It must be love to be soaking and massaging feet and clipping toe nails. Of course, then it IS Elvis, after all. ;)

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  9. don't they say cold feet warm heart? oh wait... that's cold hands warm heart...???#! love the shoes!

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    1. My hands are cold, too, so I hope I have the proverbial warm heart.

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  10. Of course he loves it that you take care of his feet. We diabetics are terrified of losing our feet.. That's the begining of the end. Good for you! Phil does the same thing.. He trims my nails and paints them too. See you are taking care of your diabetic and i have someone to take care of me. :) He will love the shoes.

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    1. Cutting someone's toenails means it's true love. And if Elvis asks me to paint his nails, I'm going to giggle and do it.

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  11. It's a nice trade-off...he has to put up with your cold feet, while you take good care of his :)

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