ELVIS AARON SCHWARZ MAKES ME LAUGH

Yes, Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell, it's true. Elvis Aaron Schwarz makes me laugh. I'd even venture to say that I giggle hysterically when he's around.

Hi! Remember me?
I'm Elvis Aaron Schwarz.
I love to make my baby doll giggle.
Sometimes she laughs so hard I'm afraid she'll pee.

Elvis Aaron Schwarz has figured out that I'm ticklish. He's not foolish enough to grab me and tickle me, though. Oh, no. Not that sly devil. Instead he puts his arm around me ever so sweetly and then just flicks his fingers across one or two of my ribs. 

The tickling and the chosen method make me scream with laughter. Now all he has to do is move toward me and I go into paroxysms of giggles. I admit it's not very romantic behavior, but HE STARTED IT, MOM!

About ten days ago, Elvis Aaron Schwarz told me he was giving me a piece of jewelry for Christmas that would make my friends' eyes pop out. Wow, I thought, this must be some pretty nice jewelry. And I am a jewelry whore.

Then he showed up on Thanksgiving and said he'd had second thoughts about the jewelry. Figured he'd better show it to me before he bought it to make sure I would wear it.

Here's the item:

My friends' eyes would pop out all right. I can just hear Carol saying, What has gotten into you? First, pink and blue hair, and now crazy jewelry.

I laughed and told Elvis that I most definitely would not wear that necklace. When The Hurricane arrives for Christmas -- oh yeah, she'll be here this year -- she'll probably give Elvis lessons in junebug jewelry shopping. She picked out my marquis-cut amethyst ring, the one with REAL diamonds and no skull with FAKE diamonds. It's my favorite ring.

Elvis has the thought that counts deal going; he needs to learn the method.

Elvis Aaron Schwarz also knows exactly what to say to irritate me, which makes him laugh, and then I laugh. He insists that The Hurricane looks exactly like Chelsea Clinton.

Here's Chelsea Clinton.
She has a father who's a slut.

Here's The Hurricane (left) with her older and nicer sister.
She has a father who's a slut.
Any resemblance to Chelsea Clinton ends there.
But will Elvis Aaron Schwarz stop saying that The Hurricane looks like Chelsea?
Of course not.

Elvis Aaron Schwarz insists that when The Hurricane comes to town, he's going to meet her at the airport, holding up a piece of cardboard that says CHELSEA. Or better yet, he said enthusiastically, he would find some official looking person to tap her on the shoulder and say, Right this way, Miss Clinton.

These assertions on Elvis' part make me sputter and spit that no child of mine looks like Chelsea Clinton. Then Elvis becomes more insistent that, yes, she looks like Chelsea and he's going to call her Chelsea. We argue until I can't talk because I'm laughing so hard.

Last, but not least on the giggles list, is Elvis' Farts Are Fun Club.

Hi! Remember me?
I'm Elvis Aaron Schwarz.
This is what I look like when I convene a
meeting of the Farts Are Fun Club.
Man, farting makes my baby doll giggle.

When the Farts Are Fun Club holds a meeting, we're usually in bed. Elvis makes a motion to fart. I second the motion, and he lets loose. The meeting continues as he waves the covers up and down to blow the stench toward my face, which for some reason I don't understand, also makes me giggle hysterically.

What can I say? I'm just a giggler at heart.

When Elvis isn't calling me baby doll, then I'm his silly wabbit.

How can I not think this man is adorable?

Next time, I'll try to remember to tell you WHAT GETTING READY FOR CHRISTMAS WITH ELVIS AARON SCHWARZ is like.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug