Tuesday, November 27, 2012

ELVIS AARON SCHWARZ MAKES ME LAUGH

Yes, Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell, it's true. Elvis Aaron Schwarz makes me laugh. I'd even venture to say that I giggle hysterically when he's around.

Hi! Remember me?
I'm Elvis Aaron Schwarz.
I love to make my baby doll giggle.
Sometimes she laughs so hard I'm afraid she'll pee.

Elvis Aaron Schwarz has figured out that I'm ticklish. He's not foolish enough to grab me and tickle me, though. Oh, no. Not that sly devil. Instead he puts his arm around me ever so sweetly and then just flicks his fingers across one or two of my ribs. 

The tickling and the chosen method make me scream with laughter. Now all he has to do is move toward me and I go into paroxysms of giggles. I admit it's not very romantic behavior, but HE STARTED IT, MOM!

About ten days ago, Elvis Aaron Schwarz told me he was giving me a piece of jewelry for Christmas that would make my friends' eyes pop out. Wow, I thought, this must be some pretty nice jewelry. And I am a jewelry whore.

Then he showed up on Thanksgiving and said he'd had second thoughts about the jewelry. Figured he'd better show it to me before he bought it to make sure I would wear it.

Here's the item:



My friends' eyes would pop out all right. I can just hear Carol saying, What has gotten into you? First, pink and blue hair, and now crazy jewelry.

I laughed and told Elvis that I most definitely would not wear that necklace. When The Hurricane arrives for Christmas -- oh yeah, she'll be here this year -- she'll probably give Elvis lessons in junebug jewelry shopping. She picked out my marquis-cut amethyst ring, the one with REAL diamonds and no skull with FAKE diamonds. It's my favorite ring.

Elvis has the thought that counts deal going; he needs to learn the method.

Elvis Aaron Schwarz also knows exactly what to say to irritate me, which makes him laugh, and then I laugh. He insists that The Hurricane looks exactly like Chelsea Clinton.

Here's Chelsea Clinton.
She has a father who's a slut.

Here's The Hurricane (left) with her older and nicer sister.
She has a father who's a slut.
Any resemblance to Chelsea Clinton ends there.
But will Elvis Aaron Schwarz stop saying that The Hurricane looks like Chelsea?
Of course not.
Elvis Aaron Schwarz insists that when The Hurricane comes to town, he's going to meet her at the airport, holding up a piece of cardboard that says CHELSEA. Or better yet, he said enthusiastically, he would find some official looking person to tap her on the shoulder and say, Right this way, Miss Clinton.

These assertions on Elvis' part make me sputter and spit that no child of mine looks like Chelsea Clinton. Then Elvis becomes more insistent that, yes, she looks like Chelsea and he's going to call her Chelsea. We argue until I can't talk because I'm laughing so hard.

Last, but not least on the giggles list, is Elvis' Farts Are Fun Club.


Hi! Remember me?
I'm Elvis Aaron Schwarz.
This is what I look like when I convene a
meeting of the Farts Are Fun Club.
Man, farting makes my baby doll giggle.

When the Farts Are Fun Club holds a meeting, we're usually in bed. Elvis makes a motion to fart. I second the motion, and he lets loose. The meeting continues as he waves the covers up and down to blow the stench toward my face, which for some reason I don't understand, also makes me giggle hysterically.

What can I say? I'm just a giggler at heart.

When Elvis isn't calling me baby doll, then I'm his silly wabbit.
How can I not think this man is adorable?

Next time, I'll try to remember to tell you WHAT GETTING READY FOR CHRISTMAS WITH ELVIS AARON SCHWARZ is like.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug


30 comments:

  1. Farting under the covers and sticking your head under there, too, is called A Dutch Oven. Sniff away, hon.

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    Replies
    1. Once again, I have learned something new from you. I appreciate stinky knowledge.

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  2. There is nothing quite like a man who makes you laugh!!

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    1. Is laughter the secret of your long and successful marriage? Or is it that Bud earns enough bucks to take you where you want to go?

      Love,
      Janie

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  3. I must say I don't understand this fascination some of you women have with Johnny Depp. I mean, what's he got that I don't got? Be kind.

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    1. Johnny Depp? Who's fascinated with Johnny Depp? Those photos are of Elvis Aaron Schwarz. But if I were fascinated by Johnny Depp, I would still think you are superior because you tell such great stories about Ricky Delgado.

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  4. Janie, I guess I'll come here for giggles, not from Elvis because he's yours, but to giggle from your jokes. I like the writing style. Elvis will be well documented.

    I like the "Hurricane" name. I know Hurricane will ensure that Elvis tickles you "right" and buys you that big diamond.

    Farting in bed is just a no, no, especially when it's that kind of toxic explosion that permeates the entire room or the house, I should say.

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    Replies
    1. I'm glad you can visit me and giggle. And I might as well just get used to the farting in bed because he does it a lot.

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  5. Tony makes me laugh all the time. With him... At him... whatever. :)

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    Replies
    1. It's so sweet to be able to laugh with the man you love.

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  6. Normally, I would agree that laughter is the best medicine, but I don' think it works for divorce, at least it's not working for me...Glad you have yourself a funny man, you are indeed lucky.

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  7. My computer wouldn't allow me to "reply", but the answer to both questions is YES!!

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  8. i'm very happy for you Janie. every woman should aim for a man who makes her laugh.
    :)

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  9. Love reading your posts. I learn stuff. And I learn stuff from the comments also.

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    1. Everyone should learn about the Farts Are Fun Club.

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  10. Wow. You must really like him if THAT makes you giggle. Let me tell you something, sister---it ain't so cute after 20+ years.

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    Replies
    1. Remember, I was married for 30+ years. It didn't make me laugh then the way it does now.

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  11. Threaten to wear that necklace and nothing else on Christmas day. (Tell him you wanted to showcase the necklace for him.) That should do it.

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    1. He would say, That's a wonderful idea.

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  12. That is so funny! It's good to have a man who makes you laugh!

    And no, the Hurricane most definitely does not look like Chelsea Clinton! How could he even make that mistake?

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    1. I don't think it's a "mistake." He says it to see my reaction.

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  13. Your girl most certainly does NOT look like Chelsea Clinton! haha I always felt sorry for that girl she is so homely. I'm so happy that you seem to really like this guy Jane. Oh and by the way... I've been putting blue and pink streaks in my hair since before Halloween also! haha. I figured it's time for me to have some fun. I don't have to work or impress anyone. The good part is... My big manly husband has been doing my hair and nails because I can't anymore and damn if he's not good at it. :)

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    Replies
    1. Thank you! Chelsea Clinton was a homely child. She looks better now that she's straightened her hair, but she certainly doesn't look like my Hurricane. Phil is a man of many talents.

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  14. Having a man you can laugh with is the best aphrodisiac there is!! Good for you two--farts and all. ;)

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    1. I must admit I fart every now and then. Not frequently, but one slips out occasionally.

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  15. That is my dream relationship. Well, I could do without the farting part, but a man who makes me giggle? Yes, please!

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    Replies
    1. All men are farters. We might as well get used to it.

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