Dear Kathy,
You know what is wrong with us? We are no longer the basis of a family unit, as we were for so long. For so many years, our family unit was us and our children. Then our children grew up and became oxymorons -- adult children. But we were still the basis of a family unit because we had our husbands. Then our husbands went POOF! and our family unit went POOF!
It doesn't matter that we have church families, friend families, oxymoronic children, siblings, and in your case, parents. We are no longer the family unit. The kids have their own lives to live, as do the church families and friend families and relatives who are family. They have their own family units and we don't. God is our real family now, and I don't think we'll be happy --completely happy -- until we are with Him.
One of these days one of my oxymorons might get married and perhaps my husband will be there but not as my husband. We will never be grandparents together. We will not grow old together and travel after we've retired. We will not comfort one another in our old age.
Ladies used to go into mourning when their husbands died. I wonder if you should have gone into mourning. I believe mourning lasted at least a year and sometimes longer. The lady would dress in black the entire time she was in mourning and she didn't make calls or attend social events. She focused on being in mourning. Maybe what you needed was to go into mourning and do nothing but mourn for as long as you wanted.
As long as you would laugh with me when we had something funny to talk about and send me a toy lizard that makes me scream with surprise and delight, it would be fine for you to just mourn.
As for my mourning, yes, I have some fun times, but all too often there is this monster and his name is Sad. He climbs on top of me and crushes me until I don't think I can possibly breathe for another second and sometimes he hurts me so much he makes me cry. I might be watching a movie or reading a book and all of a sudden Sad attacks me. Sad is a most unfortunate holiday guest and he has me in his grip. I wish he would disappear, but I fear he is here to stay.
But we will still have our moments of fun and laughter before Sad jumps back into my lap.
Infinities of love,
Lola
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I wish I could send my friends Happy and Content to help you send Sad packing. But they don't seem to do my bidding. They appear when I don't expect them, and then some days they disappear as quickly as they came. Sometimes they are scared off by my near-constant companion, Worry; other times by a less frequent visitor, Frustration. And Sad comes to visit me sometimes, too. He can be very hard to get rid of. I hope you are able to banish him for the new year!
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