BEFORE THERE WAS LINDSAY CLANCY THERE WAS ANDREA YATES

 Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Instead of asking you a new WHAT WEDNESDAY question, I want to return to the subject I brought up Sept. 16 in WHAT WEDNESDAY: A TOUCHY SUBJECT.

I realize some of you don't know who Lindsay Clancy is, or you don't want to think about women who kill their own children. But the more I learn about postpartum depression, and especially about the horror of postpartum psychosis, the more I realize this issue pertaining to women's mental health does not receive the attention, and thus, the treatment, it should. 

That's no great surprise since it only happens to women and doctors so often ignore women's symptoms and women's pains and women's fears and women's thoughts. 

For more than 20 years, I told every doctor I saw that I had a headache nearly every day. Terrible headaches. Every. Damn. Day. We moved around quite a bit, so I saw a lot of different doctors. The doctors who delivered my babies. My primary care physicians. Doctors in Kansas, Indiana, Washington, two parts of Maryland. 

They said you have tension headaches. They said you have sinus headaches. They said there's no reason for these headaches you say you're experiencing. If you take this antihistamine it should make your headaches go away. If you'll rest for a while it should make your headaches go away. There's really nothing you can do for these headaches since there's no reason for them. Take some Tylenol™.

My head hurt so much that at times I felt as if I couldn't think. It was a constant battle to function. I was tired all the time. I never got enough sleep. And I was irritable. Boy! Was I irritable. I could explode in anger. The hopelessness was probably the worst part. I was nobody and nothing and I was never going to be anyone. 

Then when I was in my early 40s, X became ill, and because of his illness, I saw a therapist who told me I should see a doctor to ask for an antidepressant. I followed through. Within a week of taking the new medication, the headaches went away. I tutored a college student who pronounced the word chimney as chimbley and it didn't infuriate me. 

I was still tired, and I'm tired to this day. I have chronic fatigue. As for the hopelessness . . . let's not go there.

But the headaches, the exhaustion, the irritability, and the hopelessness are all symptoms of depression. I certainly told doctors I was worn out and felt like life was difficult. Not once did a doctor ever ask about the possibility that I could be depressed. I get migraines now, at times, but when I have headaches, Dr. Spooner (my beloved psychiatrist) says they're probably depression headaches and he found a medication that helps with them (off label). I also continue to take an antidepressant and a medication that helps keep my anxiety in a corner instead of bursting out all over the place.

It took more than 20 years for me to start getting the help I needed. As I commence learning about postpartum depression and psychosis, what I have already seen is how difficult it is for women to get help. 

I'm going to take time to research these issues, especially as seen through the lens of two famous cases: Andrea Yates and Lindsay Clancy. If reading about them and what they did to their children is unbearable to you, then I understand, but I sincerely hope you will brace yourself and join me in learning about this plague that afflicts only women because you never know if a young mother in your neighborhood might need help, or your sister who had a baby at 43, or some woman you've never met before who is hearing voices telling her to kill her children and you could make the difference between whether she gets help and those children live. Let's educate ourselves about what happens to these women and what symptoms and signs we should anticipate.

The latest news about Lindsay Clancy is she will be retried. She remains hospitalized. 

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug