HERE A MITCH THERE A MITCH EVERYWHERE A MITCH MITCH

 Dear Governor Andy Beshear of Kentucky.

I know you're frustrated with the Mitch McConnell situation. You haven't seen the senior senator from your state since the middle of June, but you have to learn to ignore all those silly rumors about his health. Yes, he's fallen once or twice but only because some damned democrat tripped him. At the moment he's recovering from eating a tainted  jalapeño popper. And it's summer. Why shouldn't he take time off during the summer? Really, Andy, you expect too much.

Stop demanding proof that your esteemed senator is all right. I can tell you for a fact that he's fine. I talked to him on the phone this morning for 20 minutes –– not one minute more and not one minute less. We chatted about the times he froze in public. He explained to me that every time he froze he had finished a chocolate ice cream cone less than five minutes before. Now he knows he shouldn't have ice cream until he gets home at night and Elaine feeds it to him. 

What's that, Andy? So many people say they've talked to the Great & Powerful One on the phone but you won't believe he's okay unless you talk to him yourself? Well, I can do better than that. Let me sign off and I'll send you photos of our beloved Senator McConnell. Pictures should convince you he's fine and dandy.

Lots of love to you and the whole state of Kentucky, Andy, from your old pal,

Janie Junebug

And here's my favorite photo of our greatest senator:

I was sure Miss Lindsey was keeping an eye
on Senator McConnell from heaven and
now I know it for a fact!