PITY, PARTY OF ONE

 Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I've had a lot of migraines lately. They make me feel like shit. I give myself a shot of Emgality every month, which usually helps, but my insurance won't cover the Nurtec that helps with break-through migraines. My employer sees record profits so the CEO and other top-level people get millions in bonuses, but they take away our benefits. I know I've bitched about the changes at work before, so please pardon my rant.

My last paycheck was $1.96. A lot of what I earn goes to my part in paying for benefits and into an HSA that doesn't have enough money in it to cover all my medical expenses. 

I've also taken long leaves of absence this year and last because of severe health issues. I won't share them. TMI

The whole X hiring a lawyer thing and wanting to change the settlement hangs over my head like the blade of a guillotine. I wanted to retire after the first of the year. How can I do that when I don't know if I'll even have sufficient funds to live at a greatly reduced standard––not that I'm living the high life now, especially with costs going up non-stop. How can anyone afford to buy beef? I don't eat red meat very often, but I appreciate an occasional steak. I can't remember the last time I had one. 

The letter from the lawyer said when X retires his loss of income will be more than $100,000 a year. Isn't that so fucking sad. I've never had an income approaching that. I don't have a standard of living anywhere close to what I had when we were married, but he wants to cut me off. We were married for 30 years. When he was very sick, I took care of him, although he hated me for being ill.

They haven't filed anything in court yet, but I need a lawyer to represent me. I called numerous law offices in Illinois (the state where we divorced). Quite a few lawyers weren't accepting new clients. I finally found a lawyer to take my case, but her retainer is $4,000, which has to be paid immediately in order to hire her. That amount seems to be typical for a decent lawyer. I don't have a stray $4,000 sitting around. I told X's lawyer we can't talk about anything unless X pays for my lawyer. And I will fight to keep my maintenance (alimony). 

If I have to continue working, there's no guarantee I'll have a job. My employer has adopted the employees are meaningless and can be easily replaced business model, which was the standard at the job I had before. I don't know from one day to the next if I'll be fired. 

When I feel especially bad, when I cry, Princess comes to me and I look into her eyes. She helps me a lot.

I guess that's all I have to say for now. If you're still reading, then I thank you for putting up with my problems.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug