IF MY LAPTOP DOESN'T RECOGNIZE ME, THEN DO I STILL EXIST?

 Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Sometimes when I attempt to log in on my laptop, I put my index finger on the doo-dad and the computer says it doesn't know who I am. 

What? Then who in the hell am I? I try again and sometimes it says I have to enter my PIN. Fine, whatever. 

Times are hard, boys and girls, very hard.

I wanted to write about dreams, but I can't remember them. I take a prescription medicine to help me sleep that can cause vivid dreams. The longer I'm on it, the less vivid the dreams are, or they go away, or I don't remember them. I ran out of it recently and after I began taking it again, I had some wild dreams. 

The first dream was pleasant. Mitchell and I were conversing. He was in the US. I don't know what we were talking about, but it was such a pleasant dream that I wanted to write about it. Alas, the details are gone.

Then, early Monday morning I had a nightmare. It was real, and I was terrified. I came out of it when I heard myself ask, Is this a nightmare? I don't remember what that was about either. 

I have lost track of the number of supervisors I've had at work. They come and go constantly on the supervisor merry-go-round. They quit or they're promoted or they disappear. The first one, Bryan, was so good that I thought the company would have other good supervisors, too. Not so. I had interacted in the past with my current sup. She's in another state, but she seemed great––thorough and pleasant. She isn't. She is disrespectful and can always find something wrong.

I did learn something from her, though. Months ago when I had this year's job review and J hadn't quit yet, he told me I wasn't meeting company standards. For the second year in a row, I didn't get a raise. At the time, my depression was in remission. 

It left its parking spot in remission and went on the attack. I haven't completely recovered yet. However, I learned from the current sup that I was meeting company standards. While I can do some things better, she described one aspect of my numbers as phenomenal. 

I don't know why J lied to me. But his lie did a lot of harm to me. Other supervisors with this company have also lied to me. Do they do so at the behest of management, or do they not know what they're doing? J also lied to a friend of mine who received correct information from her new sup. 

What I know now is I also have other problems. My eczema is terrible on my left hand and arm. Anxiety follows me everywhere I go. I haven't been able to work most of this year because of depression. I am looking for a lawyer who can represent me in Illinois because I received a letter from a lawyer representing my ex-husband. He wants to change our divorce settlement. 

I will be 67 in February, 2026, and I hoped to retire at that point. If X gets his way, I won't get to retire. I'll continue to work for the crappy company with the supervisors who lie. I also won't have enough money to keep my house. I could move into a low-income seniors apartment building, but that won't work for Princess and me. While many of the buildings allow dogs, they don't allow Princess-sized dogs. I'd rather get a tent and pitch it in the woods than give up my Princess. 

Everything seems very dark and dismal to me now. I've been calling law offices. Perhaps the place I called this afternoon will be the right one. I have some retirements funds, some of which I received in the divorce, but X misled me for years about the amount we had saved for retirement. What I have isn't enough to live on combined with the bit I'll get from Social Security––if it still exists.   

The world has always favored men, and I don't see that ending any time soon with the felon's regime in place. Will no one stop him?

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug