BABY IT'S COLD OUTSIDE

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I've just finished watching Jimmy Carter's funeral, which was very moving. President Biden gave a magnificent eulogy. As the president returned to his seat, Hillary Clinton smiled and nodded her approval, while I cried because the eulogy was so good and because we're losing a man who returned decency to the presidency. 

The presidents, vice presidents, and their spouses were appropriately somber and respectful, with the exception of donold, who always looks restless, itchy, and bored. Eventually, he closed his eyes. I guess it was too much for him to even pretend to pay attention. 

I noticed back in 2018 when donold and melanoma attended George H.W. Bush's funeral they clearly didn't know how to behave in a church. They didn't sing the hymns or follow the order of the service. donold is held up as a savior by so many "evangelical Christians," but he––and they––don't really have anything to do with Christianity, certainly not the kind of evangelical Christianity Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter embodied.

I also cried when Garth Brooks and Tricia Yearwood sang Imagine. Jimmy Carter was known for his love of music. When he was running for president, The Allman Brothers Band played at a fundraiser for him. I don't remember who mentioned it this morning, but it drew a laugh when someone brought up that Jimmy sang On The Road Again with Willie Nelson.

 

I didn't recognize Garth Brooks at first. In fact, I didn't recognize a lot of people because they've aged and changed. It was a good thing their names popped up on the screen. Of course, I could put a name to all the presidents and vice presidents without help, but George and Laura Bush are showing their age. I picked out Marilyn Quayle right away because she still has the same flip hairstyle (I don't mean that as a dig; it's a fact). Barack Obama looked lively. I'd love to know what he said to donold. Michelle Obama wasn't there. Joe Biden looked good for someone who was supposed to be too old and stupid to be president. Jill Biden, Kamala Harris, Doug Emhoff, and Hillary Clinton looked great. Al Gore still appeared robotic. I don't think Tipper was there; she and Al have been separated for years. Melanoma is also showing signs of age. She wasn't as thoroughly made up and carefully coiffed as usual. I wonder if donold will replace her with a younger model. I'm looking at you, Ivanka.

Anyway, we can now consider Jimmy Carter well-eulogized and remembered. His casket is on the way to his home in Plains. 

I thought I would have to play hooky from work to be able to watch the funeral today. Instead I'm on what I hope is a short-term leave of absence from work. Sunday I developed an infection. Monday I saw a nurse practitioner at my PCP's office. She prescribed an antibiotic and sent the script to the pharmacy I use for immediate needs. (I have as many 90-day supplies of meds mailed to my home as possible.) I went to the pharmacy immediately to give them my new prescription insurance information. The person at the pharmacy asked, This is for workers' comp?

Uh, no. This is my prescription coverage associated with my healthcare benefits through my job.

Pharmacy person: We probably just need to call them. We'll do it after the lunch break.

I drove home to call the insurance company. My coverage was active and in place, but the representative told me there was a known issue with employees from my company going out of network to get their prescriptions filled and the pharmacy being unable to accept the insurance. The rep gave me a phone # for the pharmacy to call and made that pharmacy my preferred location. I have no idea how that pharmacy could be considered out of network since we're allowed to use any pharmacy we want.

I waited a while and went back to the pharmacy. The "system" still didn't accept my insurance. I gave the pharmacy tech the # to call. He said, I can't call now (they were very busy), but I'll be here till 10 so I'll call later.

I can't drive after dark. How much does the prescription cost?

$22.10. I paid with my Health Savings Account and went home. But from the time the script was sent to the pharmacy and the time I received it, six hours had gone by. Six hours of my going back and forth to the pharmacy and making phone calls while feeling terrible because of the infection and a lovely IBS attack, probably triggered by the infection and anxiety. 

I feel better now. Antibiotic conquers infection! But I'll take all of the pills as directed.

I wasn't able to work at all on Monday because what should have been simple turned out to be a punishing because our prescription coverage changed (I'm also finding it's lousy coverage. My prescriptions cost 3x more than they did with the previous company).

So I logged in Tuesday morning, thinking I was ready to work. You know what? I think I need a nap. I have to finish this later. You all might need naps, too, because this post is so long.

Hi! I'm back. I couldn't sleep, but I rested for a while and ate an early supper. Fed the girls, too. So back to Tuesday morning, which is when we start the day with our team meeting. This week's topic was filling out our self-appraisals for 2024. I had a shit year at work, so it was no fun for me. The way we fill out these things changes every year. We have to enter numbers, percentages, percentiles, blah blah blah, how we think we improved, what our goals are. 

We were filling out our individual appraisals but everyone was talking at the same time and asking questions about what to put in where and how to use the calculator that gave us a median for one part of the appraisal. I could not think with so many voices speaking and a couple of times when I asked questions, wanting an answer from our supervisor, instead someone on our temporary team, someone I dislike intensely, answered me. It became too much for me. I broke down and sobbed.

I work from home and I muted my microphone so no one knew. I PMed J, the supervisor, to let him know I was done and would sign back in later if I could.

I couldn't. 

So I knew I needed at least a short leave of absence. It has to be a leave instead of taking sick days because I don't have any sick time.

My anxiety has been on overload. The holidays are hard for me because I miss my kids so much, and early January was the time of the attack. Thinking about the attack has bothered me more this year than it did last year because I would like to lift the restraining order. The attacker is doing well and has moved to another state. I have some things that belong to him that I'd be happy to give to him if he wants to return to Florida to pick them up. I've emailed him twice. I don't know if he receives my email. I don't know if he has the same email address. I don't know his address. I emailed his dad to request assistance and received no response, which isn't a surprise. Somehow anything that someone else does wrong ends up being my fault.

Another big contributor to my anxiety is the upcoming inauguration of President Melon Musk and his wife, Dawn. All this talk about taking over the Panama Canal, Greenland, Mexico, and Canada is insane and embarrassing. Massive deportations will be a mess. I dread the next four years, and what if he manages to stay in office after that? He talked about wanting to be president for life. He wants to set aside the constitution. He could do it and we of the opposition are in the minority.  

Even with this leave, my anxiety is bad because of all of the above and I'm accomplishing so little. Yesterday my major accomplishment was trimming my toe nails. This evening, if nothing else, I am determined to take a shower. I am stuck in my inability to do things because anxiety overwhelms everything I try to do and I break down and cry. At least I have a reindeer who comforts me.

When I'm upset, Princess comes to me and stares directly into my eyes. She knows when something is wrong and she longs to make it better.

Princess is such a devoted dog. She is glued to me most of the time. I'm so glad I adopted her while Franklin was still with us. Having her here has made life better for me and for Penelope as we carry on without Franklin.

Princess is wearing her sweater because we're experiencing a lengthy cold snap. We've had early morning wind chills in the 20s and afternoon highs in the low 50s. As Maureen said, I thought we were in Florida.

Our cold weather is nothing compared to the cold and blizzards much of the rest of the country has gone through while Los Angeles BURNS! My Little House On The Swamp, built in 1940, and other homes in the area, weren't constructed to stand up to cold weather, but we're fine. I'm using a small space heater in the back of the house where the girls and I spend most of our time, and I have an electric blanket. 

We're pretty much closed up in the house since the dogs don't want to spend much time out in the cold, and one of us has gas that could peel paint. I'm pretty sure it's not coming from me. Besides, dog gas can be extra amazing. I don't know if the culprit is Princess, Penelope, or both of them.

If you want to enjoy some laughing gas, I encourage you to visit one of my favorite people, Debra, at She Who Seeks. Furthermore, Debra, I see your Brandenburg Concerto No. 3 and raise you Cello Suite No. 1.

At long last, let's wrap this up and say good night. I'll take my shower soon and maybe I'll even manage to clean up a thing or two and start putting some Christmas decorations away. I've joked that if I don't put away the ornaments and and lights, it means I'm already prepared for next Christmas, but I don't really want to have the tree up in July. 

I'll be in touch. I have fun things I want to tell you, too.  

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug