Hello. It is I, Penelope.
When Auntie Rebekah arrived in our home, coffee drinking commenced. Auntie Rebekah stumbles from her bed each morning, bleary and bluggy, croaking out her need for coffee. And she is not fit to live with until she drinks that stuff.
I do not understand this need for coffee. Mom Mom drinks water, milk that has achieved a score of 2 percentage points, and Diet Pepsi. Mom Mom does not drink coffee, although she assures me it is ordinary for most adults in our country to want coffee in the morning. Still, I do not approve because another problem with the coffee has come up.
When Auntie Rebekah drinks coffee and eats her breakfast, we have to stay very close to her in case she chokes on something and needs me to perform the Hymen maneuver. Princess and Fritz must join me to clean up her spills. In the photo above, she has a covered cup, but she usually has an open cup of coffee and my little sister, Princess, might have accidentally stuck her tongue in the cup and now she has developed a taste for coffee.
Every time Auntie Rebekah walks away from her coffee, Princess takes a drink of it. I told her she must not do that! She is drinking the germs and bacteria Auntie Rebekah spits into the cup. Coffee will also stunt her growth, and caffeine will keep her awake at night. I do not think I can deal with a sister who has chronic insomnia.
Thus far, Princess has not listened to me. She hasn't my years of experience that have led to my great wisdom and made me the paragon of virtue that I am.
Please help me explain to Princess that she must not drink coffee.
And please tell me this is not true:
I know it is not true that people who come to live in the U.S. eat pets. I am too smart to believe in such stupidity. I join Mom Mom in reminding you to vote for Kamala Harris.
That is all. Goodbye.
Nicely said, Penelope, though I doubt you will make a lasting impression on the Princess. Well, she will know people who come to live in this country do not eat dogs and cats and geese.
ReplyDeleteMom Mom told us right away that the silly rumor about people eating pets isn't true.
DeleteIt is so nice hear from you dear little doogie!!!! The problem you face and the obedient you are, I swear. A model dog. And I hope for your sake the Dump doesn't get back in office, otherwise, according to him you might be on the menu.
ReplyDeleteMom Mom will never allow me to be on anyone's menu. Besides, that orange man makes up stories about pets being eaten and we know it isn't true.
DeletePrincess! Stop drinking coffee! Next thing you know, you'll want a cigarette with it. That's how it starts.
ReplyDeleteAuntie Rebekah also smokes cigarettes. I must keep Princess away from the cigarettes, too.
DeleteOur animals stay away from coffee, but every cat we ever had loved to sip some iced tea from your glass when you weren't watching,
ReplyDeletexoxo
Mom Mom does not drink iced tea so Princess and I have never faced that temptation.
DeleteI can't imagine not drinking coffee in the morning! Your mom has a strong constitution, Penelope. And yes, keep Princess away from it. Coffee is not good for doggies. Neither is the Orange Menace. If only dogs could vote, eh? 😉
ReplyDeletePrincess and I wish we could register to vote, but we only do what is legal.
DeleteI do understand the need for coffee. It keeps me from causing harm to individuals I might meet at the beginning of the day. Maybe Princess feels the same.
ReplyDeleteI didn't think of that. Princess has very big toofers. Maybe the coffee keeps her from using her toofers on people.
DeleteGoodness I love when Penelope says Mom Mom !
ReplyDeleteThen I will say it again: Mom Mom!
DeleteDon't worry Penelope! She's got my vote!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Auntie Lorraine. That makes me happy.
DeleteI love you Penelope! You're a good girl!
ReplyDeleteTell Mom Mom that there will only be blue votes in this house! :)
Thank you, Auntie Jennifer. I will wear a blue bandanna on election day.
DeleteFrom Auntie Maureen: Oh Penelope, you poor pupper. Sad how Princess won't listen to your experienced wisdom. She will learn one day. I was so happy to see you last night along with Princess and to meet Fritz. Shh, don't tell but you are my favorite :)
ReplyDeleteOh, Auntie Maureen, of course I am your favorite. I am everyone's favorite, but it's always nice to be told.
DeleteWe need more smart Americans like you!
ReplyDeleteYes, we do, Mr. Mitchell! I am such a brilliant dog.
DeleteOh Penelope, thanks for making me smile and laugh! I need those smiles and laughs to deal with the continuous newsfeed from the Orange Man.
ReplyDeleteThe bad orange man makes Mom Mom so unhappy. Princess should use her big toofers on his big butt.
Delete