Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,
I'm sure you know by now that don john will be reinstated to the presidency in August, and it looks as if his plan will come off without a hitch.
Uh-oh. I can hear your thoughts and you are thinking that you don't know what the plan is, or if you know what the plan is, you're thinking it can't possibly work.
Oh ye of little faith . . . in the my pillow guy. What is wrong with you? Rejoice in the plan! The big-handed one is on his way back.
Now don't go spreading this news around. The element of surprise is vital.
Here's the way Sweet Cheeks explained it to me:
1. Someone from Florida (I don't know who it is but I hope it's Matt Gaetz) resigns from The House of Representatives, requiring a special election.
2. Trump is elected to The House of Representatives.
3. The members of the Congressional Black Caucus decide to vote with the Republican members of the House because the my pillow guy will reveal all the evidence he's collected to prove Democrats are blood-sucking pedophiles/satanists.
4. The House gets rid of Nancy Pelosi.
5. The House elects Big Hands as its Speaker.
6. Joe Biden and Kamala Harris are impeached––and convicted––because they were never elected (such an interesting paradox).
7. The Speaker of the House becomes President, and we all know who that will be.
Yippeee! He's back in action!
If, for some reason, the plan doesn't go through in August, then it surely will during the 2022 mid-term elections. Get ready to move out, sleepy Joe.
If you don't like having don john in charge again, then don't worry about it because you're going to die from COVID anyway, or be executed by some redneck good ole boys who take great pride in themselves.
That way, everybody's happy.
Infinities of love,
*Graydon Carter's description of Donald Trump in Spy Magazine, 1988. Carter is the former editor of Vanity Fair.