Tuesday, April 6, 2021

MY GUESTS SOMETIMES DIE

 Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

When I moved to Florida I was surprised by all the lizards running around outside. 

Then I was really surprised when the lizards sometimes came in the house.

So I made a deal with them. If they didn't come inside, then I wouldn't kill them.

They didn't keep their end of the deal. So I sucked them up with the vacuum cleaner (not a good idea because they stink stank stunk), or I stabbed them with a fork.

Eventually I gave up and learned to appreciate the sight of a lizard sunning himself on a window sill or darting around the living room.

About a month ago, this guy turned up:


I took the living room curtains down to wash them, and there he was on the back of a curtain. I shook him off because I didn't want him fooling around in the washing machine.

He ran off to live in a closet in the foyer, but came out occasionally to torture Franklin and Penelope, who longed to remove his little lizard head.

Today, though, I found his corpse. Lizards usually like to die under the piano, but my lizard friend was right in the middle of the living room. We had become such close friends. He was a quiet companion. I tossed him out the front door.

Farewell, dear friend.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

33 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Nope. Come to my house and die and I'll toss you out.

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  2. Your lizard, there in the photo, is cute. (Not sure it's legal to ever say such about a lizard.)
    I'd call her Lizzy and think of Pride and Prejudice, putting the canines into the fable.

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    1. Now I think Mr. Darcy would be a good name for a dog.

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  3. Some days I would like some specific guests of our own species to die. Slowly and painfully. So far I have resisted temptation.
    Spiders and lizards I escort outside (sweeping them up in the dustpan). I have not (yet) treated visiting humans the same way, despite longing to do so. Perhaps if I did so I would no longer plot their demise.

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    1. Last week Carol and I were talking about cancer. She said it's so horrible she doesn't even wish cancer on trump. But I have no problem wishing it.

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  4. That little lizard was rather cute. He looks like a Harry, like on Death in Paradise. I still WOULDN'T want them in the house though. I would freak! I don't do well with lizards and amphibians.

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    1. I freaked over the lizards for years and have become stoic about their presence.

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  5. Come into my parlour said the junebug to the lizard. (I grimaced at the idea of you vacuuming them up -- oh the smell, I thought.)

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  6. A lizard in the house is a great way to keep the bugs in control. Years ago I was going down the coast of West Africa on an unairconditioned ship, and at each port of call kids would come selling lizards they had caught, and we would buy one for our cabins. Never had a problem with biting insects!

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    1. I don't have biting insects in the house, but I also didn't have that problem in non-lizard houses.

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  7. Yeah, that is a sad side-effect of life in Florida -- anoles in the house. (Better than roaches, though!) I used to open a door and chase them outside. Not always easy!

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    1. I'm used to my lizard friends, but palmetto bugs make me scream.

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  8. Oh, I had an aquarium full of anoles when I was a teenager. Love them! I caught flies and raised mealworms for them. Also would buy crickets. They are sweet little things. I had horned lizards, skinks, cordylus lizards, leopard geckos (who are so cute and friendly I can't stand it), turtles, tree frogs, underwater African frogs, axolotls, salamanders, newts, toads, soap dish crabs...quite a variety of amphibians and reptiles over the years. I don't only love critters with fur and feathers. Having lizards in the house is good luck. They eat all kinds of bugs for you and love houseplants to hide in. Will eat tiny annoying plant bugs, too. I am actually jealous that you have anoles wild where you live. But I will never get the picture of you stabbing one with a fork out of my head.

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    1. My stabbing days are over. Now the lizards and I live peaceably.

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  9. When Son2 was a kid he loved critters of all kinds. We have anoles in abundance around here and he caught about 20 of them and let them go in the house (unknown to me) I would be walking through the rooms or halls when a leaping lizard would launch from wherever onto me. Needless to say we had to have an immediate critter round up.

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    1. I would have been pretty upset about 20 lizards released without my knowledge.

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  10. I am not a fan of lizards, I usually get Tim or Leo to remove them

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  11. I was thinking, what a quiet and unassuming house guest.

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    1. They are excellent guests. They don't complain about the sleeping arrangements and don't ask to borrow the car.

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  12. I hated the lizards when I lived in So FLA, but it was just a part of the deal. We had a Jesus lizard (not sure what the actual name is, but they have webbed feet and run on water) in the backyard once. It would stand up and hiss when aggravated, and fan out it's head like a cobra or something on Jurassic Park. Found out years later it was venomous. Good times.

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  13. On rare occasions, a small lizard will hitch a ride in the house on Frank the cat.
    Glad you had a good Easter;)

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  14. We have the occasional skink scurry across our sidewalk, sometimes even the porch! Were they to attempt to enter the house, all matter of mayhem would occur! Not welcome inside, that’s for certain!

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    1. It's easy for them to slip in via the old windows in my house.

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  15. Ah so sad. I had a spider who lived under my computer desk and came out every day to see me. Then one day - no more.

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