Friday, March 19, 2021

PENELOPE SPEAKS: STOP SQUEALING OVER MY TOOFERS

 Hello. It is I, Penelope.

We do not have many visitors in our home because of the stupid virus, but when people do visit, they see me and make foolish noises. Then they squeal, 

She has an underbite! Look at her cute toofers!

I am disgusted by such behavior. Why must they call attention to my toofers? Grandma (Carol) criticizes Mom Mom for not getting me braces. Ridiculous. Nothing is wrong with my toofers.

The only person I like––other than Mom Mom––is Auntie. She lives across the street. Auntie strokes my beautiful fur so nicely and never mentions my toofers.

I also liked it when Grandma lived with us because she shared her snacks with me. I enjoyed Cheetos and Skinny Pop Popcorn.  

I do my best to keep my toofers hidden, but I can't help showing them when I smile.

I allowed Mom Mom to take this photograph because she was scratching my neck. I shall never permit her to photograph my toofers again.

When the hideous virus goes away, you may visit us as long as you do not mention my toofers. 

If you bring them up, I shall call you simple-minded and give an interview about you to Oprah. You must obey me. I am Her Royal Highness The Duchess Of GoSuckIt.

That is all. Go home now. Do not poop in your neighbor's yard on the way.





34 comments:

  1. Oh, Her Royal Highness The Duchess Of GoSuckIt. I wish I had that title!

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  2. I love Penelope's wise advice in her final sentence. And would never, ever mention her toofers.

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  3. Penelope, you should come to Canada. "Toofer" means something completely different here. It is our slang way of referring to the number twenty-four. As in: "Bring over a toofer of beer for the May toofer long weekend, eh?"

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    Replies
    1. Perhaps I'll suggest to Mom Mom that we use toofer in that fashion.

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  4. Dear Duchess of GoSuckIt, always SO nice to meet another Royal Highness! We must all STICK TOGETHER in this world of COMMONERS who hate our pedigrees and privilege! I hope YOUR human is more tolerable than MINE. I'm sure MINE would refer to your toofers CONSTANTLY.

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    Replies
    1. Your human must embarrass you terribly.

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    2. Oh gawd, you don't know THE HALF OF IT. My life is one long exercise in MORTIFICATION.

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  5. Toofers are always an issue, especially when it comes to dental bills:)

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    Replies
    1. I have no dental bills. Mom Mom brushes my toofers.

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  7. Buster says he would be more than happy to give you a few smooches under the covers hoffers and all.

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    Replies
    1. Perhaps Buster will pay me a little visit so we can get to know one another.

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  8. you are SUCH a pretty girl, penelope! I'd like to pet your soft fur.

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  9. Penelope, your smile is beautiful. And please notice is did not say bootiful.

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  10. Penelope you have a beautiful smile and fur !
    iwinston and Agatha will defend you.
    cheers

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    Replies
    1. I am grateful for the protection from your noble dogs.

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  11. Oh, Penelope, you have the sweetest face :)
    Please give Mom Mom a big ol' hug from me.

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    Replies
    1. I shall do as you ask. Mom Mom is pleased to see you here. She misses you.

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  12. Sweet smile Penelope! Btw, though I post here as Anne in the Kitchen, you might like to know my title. Anne Elizabeth, Tzarina of the Mundane!

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  13. Nothing wrong with your smile Penelope

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    Replies
    1. I appreciate your confidence in my good looks.

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  14. You are so pretty and your smile is lovely. Some humans think dogs don't understand when they are being talked about. They would be so surprised if they knew.

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  15. Hi Janie - Penelope is much loved despite her toofers ... look after yourselves - stay safe too - cheers Hilary

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    Replies
    1. We are well and staying safe. I protect Mom Mom.

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