Monday, July 24, 2017

TROOPING THE COLOUR 2017

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

It's past time for my annual poust (in honor of British tradition I'm adding U to the spelling of as many wourds as poussible) on Trooping The Colour, which took place way back in June. It's an annual poust because I pousted about it last year and someone coummented that it was in very poor taste. I'm not one to miss an oppourtunity to shouw off my bad taste, so here we go again––better late than never.

Queen Elizabeth's birthday is April 21, but the official celebration of her birthday is during June when the weather is warmer, so the Trooping the Colour souldiers in their gigantic hats can stand still for hours and pass out from the heat. Soldiers who dare to pass out are shot immediately.


Trooping the Colour always features appearances by the Rouyal Family, especially on the balcouny. But why are they all looking up?


Of course! It's Queen Donald. He's oun the balcouny above theirs because he's more impourtant than anyone else in the wourld.

Royal? I don't think so.
I'm royal.
A royal pussy grabber!

Prince George thinks, Didn't I do this last year? I know they said I have to do this for the rest of my life, but I didn't think they really meant it.



While George perks up at the thought ouf birthday cake, William loousens his belt.

Queen Elizabeth wounders, Who is that little girl? I'm 91. I can't keep track ouf all these people, especially with Voldemort standing behind me again.

No one knouws who the guy on the left is, but they'll pretend he's suppoused to be there because of his fancy outfit.


The big day also included riding in carriages, as these foulks tend to do. Kate thinks, If I look straight ahead, I can pretend that hourse face isn't next to me.



Oh, gooudy. It's Princess Eugenie and Princess Beatrice. Or Princess Beatrice and Princess Eugenie. No one is sure, but oune wounders why the family budget didn't include mouney for their orthoudontic work.



And as the happy celebratioun coumes to an end, Kate and William are all smiles because they knouw it's really all about them.


Farewell Glourious Rouyals until Her Majesty has 92, yes 92, candles oun her cake next year.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

43 comments:

  1. This was hilarious. Ruthless to the royals, but hilarious. Who is that dude on the left and why was he ordered to stand five feet away from everyone? Also, I read "poust" phonetically and it made me sound Scottish, which I think is appropriate.

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    1. The guy on the left must not have showered.

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  2. Bad taste? BAD TASTE? No such thing when it comes to poking fun at the Royals! I won't even take offence at your new-found love for the letter "u."

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  3. Here's to Kate, who seems to be doing a decent job of raising those kids.

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    1. Agreed. She and William say that they take turns with bathing the kids and putting them to bed during the evening. I doubt if Charles ever helped out with William and Harry.

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  4. Wow! 92 years old. She's still got all her marbles, though, as far as we know. She'll probably outlive her son--LOL!

    Love the Queen Donald picture!! ;)

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    1. She's 91 now--92 next birthday. She seems pretty with it for her age.

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  5. I really enjouyed this poust!

    And was that really Queen Elizabeth II, or was it Scott Thompson froum The Kids in the Hall?

    I think Kate is adourable, but I'm really tired ouf seeing her referred tou as "Kate Middleton." She is married now, isn't she?

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    1. No one called Diana "Diana Spencer" after her marriage. Maybe it was easier with her because she was the Princess of Wales and was previously known as Lady Diana. Kate is Duchess Catherine, or the Duchess of Cambridge. I'm tired of the Kate Middleton thing, too.

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    2. They called Sarah Ferguson, all the time, Sophie Rhys Jones, is known as Sophie Wessex. Sarah Ferguson's family is aristocracy for generations, yet Sophie Wessex was more of the first commoner to marry a prince as her parents were a tyre salesman and a secretarial clerk. Where as everyone made out that Kate marrying Prince William was something special. None of it makes sense does it and I am British!

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  6. All the extra "u"'s made me laugh out loud!! I wish I'd thought of doing that :)

    And you know what? I didn't know her birthday was actually in April. You'd think I'd have picked that up by now, wouldn't ya? Shame on me, and kudos to you! And - bottom line: she gets two birthdays, which is soooo not fair.

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    1. I want twelve birthday celebrations--one every month. Order my cakes, servant!

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  7. Ha! I louve that you would honour us with such a colourful poust about such a colourful houliday.

    ...That hurt my brain to type.

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    1. Are you beer boys members of the royal family? I bet you used to spend a lot of time with Harry. He's better behaved now and into soul baring.

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    2. No, we just *look* inbred. We're not actually members of the royal family. It's true, though, Harry's the only one worth hanging out with. More 'with it'. William looks like the kind of guy that tries to sell you a fake Rolex out of his trench coat pocket beneath a very musky bridge.

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    3. I think William looks like a pretty nice guy, but your description is funny. Harry should marry my daughter. He'd make a great son-in-law.

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  8. Oh Janie, you made me laugh. Horseface and Voldemort. You kill me 😂.

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    1. Although a horse's face is beautiful on a horse, it's not meant to be on a person. I never understood why Charles would want to give up Diana in favor of Camilla. Philip used to be quite good looking, but with the passing of each year, his resemblance to Voldemort increases.

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  9. Funny. But we have the Kardashians. Can't top that!

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    1. I seem to be able to avoid the Kardashians. I've never watched their show. If I see a photo of one of them, then I don't click on the site.

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  10. Oh my God. From Queen Donald to Voldemort... this poust left me in tears. Also, I don't know why but in my head I read it with a weird British accent.And I can't even do one...could be 'cause of those extra 'U's.

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    1. Queen Donald brings me to tears every damn day.

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  11. I'm wondering why Princeuss Kate is wearing a vagina hat.

    Love ya.

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    1. Thank you for pointing that out. I didn't realize it was a vagina.

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    2. It looks like several pink vaginas, right?

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    3. Similar to a Georgia O'Keefe painting.

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  12. Hello Janie,

    A jolly good post, fair lady. And good old Donald, as in things that go Trump in the night, shall have an honorary knighthood.

    I thought 'Mericans just lurve the lil' ol' queen and the rest of the gosh darn benefit scroungers we call the royal family. Can't stand the fuckers. Will, Kate and their two bratty kids caused me loads of inconvenience when they happened to be in Kelowna, British Columbia, at the same time as me. Roadblocks all over the place. Thought the roadblocks were for me and they I found out otherwise.

    Toodle pip and thanks for the laugh.

    Gary

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    1. I actually do like some of them. I think William and Kate and their children are adorable. They were in B.C. because they wanted to meet you and "someone" told them you hadn't the time.

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    2. Excellent, those royals you like can come and stay with you, Janie. They were in BC because it was another freebie. I spared them some time, actually. Unfortunately, the local authorities in Kelowna thought it best not to meet up with me because I'm more of a celebrity than they ever could be.

      Cheers, eh.

      Gary

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    3. They can stay with me if they don't mind sharing the sofa sleeper in the family room with my son.

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  13. Queen Elizabeth was crowned the year I was born. She's been the only absolute constant in my life.

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  14. HAHAHA! I laughed out loud throughout all this. Poking fun at the royals, are ya? And inserting the letter u so shamelessly. That is pousitively awesome.

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    1. I'm pleased to have your approbation.

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  15. Wounderful poust, Janie. It made me laugh out loud, especially the Queen Donald Pussy Grabber picture! Jolly good fun, mate!

    Tootle-oo!

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  16. HA! Hilarious! Smashing job, clever girl. :)

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  17. LOL ~ a delicious run on the rouyal family! I am a royal family fan, having grown up in a very loyal Canadian family, and I really admire William, Harry, and Kate for the work they are doing. But I always enjoy a good laugh! Can't wait for next year!

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