Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,
Recently, Melynda entertained us with stories about her lack of water because of frozen pipes in Little Trailer On The Prairie. I nearly cried for poor dear Melynda as she shoveled snow into pans so she could melt it on the stove and use it to flush her toilet.
Well, guess whose toilet couldn't be flushed next?
Favorite Young Man was due to stop by, which he did, and he dutifully crawled under the house to see what was wrong. He said that the metal pipe in front of the house had rusted through. Only a small portion of it needed to be replaced up to the point where it joined the PVC pipe under the house.
FYM insisted it was a simple repair, said he could do it himself, but he didn't have time.
Waaaaaa! He told me to hurry up and take my shower because he was going to turn off the water to the house. I also filled pots, pitchers, and cups with water.
The next morning I called a guy who had worked on my house before who had said he could take care of minor plumbing problems. Number out of service.
More waaaaa! I called my friend, Bethie, the nice realtor who sold the house to me. She said, Call my dad.
Bethie's dad is a real sweetheart. He's done some work on my house, too.
But he didn't call me back. Finally, I called him again. He answered and said he had a doctor's appointment and he was getting ready to go out of town and he said, Would you please call somebody else?
I called Bethie again. She gave me the number of another guy to call. I called and left a message on his voice mail.
As I waited to hear from him, I started to worry a bit. The toilets needed to be flushed and I was running low on water. I had used some to fill the doggies' water dish, to brush my teeth, to wash my face, etc.
I decided I had better turn into a pioneer girl like Melynda and melt some snow to flush the toilet.
So I went out with a shovel and a pan to get some snow.
No snow in sight.
Would snow fall soon?
Not according to the weather report on my phone. It was 80 degrees.
So much for that idea.
But speaking of pioneer girls, if you ever read Laura Ingalls Wilder's Little House books (which I loved and still do), did you ever notice that Laura described, in meticulous detail, Pa building their little houses, but she never wrote "And then Pa dug a nice deep hole and built the privy over it so we no longer had to take a crap in the grass"? Nope. Laura never wrote a word about takin' a shit.
But then Dan the plumbing man called me back and said he would come out and take a look at the pipe. Dan showed up, and he didn't look like any plumber I'd ever seen. Elvis Aaron Schwarz, are you reading this?
I'm whistling and singing.
Nope. He's not reading.
Dan the plumbing man was hot. I've never seen such a hot plumber. But he also wasn't dressed to work. He was wearing nice pants and a white shirt and a necklace. And hot. He was wearing hot.
Dan the plumbing man looked at the pipe and said, Well, I can't do it today, but I'll call a friend of mine who lives near here. If he can do it, he'll come over.
Dan the plumbing man, I begged, would you please turn on the water long enough for me to flush and refill my pots? He kindly did, and then the water was gone again.
Then I waited.
Nobody called. Nobody showed up.
Elvis Aaron Schwarz called this morning and asked how I was. I don't have water, I growled.
WHAT? You can't get anybody to fix that? What's the matter with people who don't want to work? Elvis Aaron Schwarz hollered.
Then while he had me on his cell phone, he picked up the land line where he works and called the city of Jacksonville's water department. I could hear him talking to them as he said, My name is Elvis Aaron Schwarz and my fiancee hasn't had water for two days . . . and then the phone conversation faded away, and I said, Re-roll the tape, and I heard Elvis Aaron Schwarz definitely referring to me not as his girlfriend or his main squeeze, but his fiancee.
I thought, I have been upgraded from coach to first class.
Anyway, the city couldn't recommend anyone to help me. It's against the law for them to suggest a particular plumber, the guy said.
I told Elvis Aaron Schwarz that I would call Dan the plumbing man again, and when I did, he said he had a job that had taken longer than expected and as soon as they finished he would come to my house.
Dan and crew arrived early this afternoon. The pipe has been replaced, the water is back on, and I flushed the toilets and took a shower.
I did not invite Dan the plumbing man to join me in the shower because I am the fiancee of Elvis Aaron Schwarz.
Infinities of love and water,
P.S. Did any of you notice that the Academy Award nominations were announced this morning? You may recall my review of Beasts Of The Southern Wild. This film was nominated for Best Movie, Best Director, and as predicted by yours truly, Quvenzhané Wallis, who plays Hushpuppy, was nominated for Best Actress. She is the youngest Best Actress nominee in history, at the ripe old age of nine. I believe she was five when she made the movie.