SOMETHING ACCOMPLISHED

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

As dusk drew nigh on Sunday, I decided to replace the burned out lights on the house next to the deck. I had procrastinated because the job meant climbing the LADDER OF DEATH.

I know to you it's just a regular old ladder. To me it's a hideous contraption.

I am afraid of heights. When I go above the first step of my little step stool in the kitchen it leads to heart palpitations, the need for a fainting couch, a quickening of breath, and whatever Jane Austen would say to describe a lady in distress.

Yet I dragged the ladder out of the junky garage* and steeled myself for the journey. The new light bulbs were on the railing of the deck, awaiting their moment to shine. 

How high would I have to climb? First two steps weren't enough. Save me, Lord, save me. I had to keep going.

I trembled and moaned a little. My tiny feet trembled as they felt for each step up. 

Princess turned in circles of concern on the deck. What if Mommy fell? How would poor little Princess get her supper?

I HAD TO GO ALL THE WAY TO THE TOP STEP OF THE LADDER. Look at how high that is! The gate is 6 feet tall and I had to climb way up above that.

Once I had scaled the summit, I still had to disengage the old bulbs that didn't want to let go because they'd been there for years. Then I had to turn and turn and turn the new bulbs to get them to stay.

I bought extra bright bulbs for Princess'es viewing pleasure (she might want to enjoy a little reading material while taking care of business). 

But the job wasn't finished when the bulbs were in place. 

I was stuck––too frightened to feel for the step down with my foot. So I stayed where I was. I looked over the gate and hoped some kindly neighbor might notice my head up in the air and wondering why it floated on high, come to my aid.

That did not happen.

Eventually I got tired of standing there. My back hurt. Princess wanted her supper, and I was getting a little hungry, too. Food can be a great motivational tool.

So my right foot very slowly felt for the step down. The withdrawal from the ladder took even longer than the ascension. I had to stop to wipe the sweat from my brow so it wouldn't run into the cataracts on my eyes. Years Hours A few minutes later, I was grateful to be on solid ground, although the rest of me still shook.

Princess and I hugged in triumph and marched to the kitchen for her kibble. I took a swig of Diet Pepsi and said, I am a badass.**

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug 

*I have an excuse for my messy garage. The door is broken so I can't close it. I can't afford a new door at the moment. So I keep messy stuff in the front of the garage. Anyone looking in and thinking about robbing me is supposed to say, Why would I bother? That's nothing but a bunch of junk. They won't see the lawn mower, the pressure washer, and the chain saw in the back of the garage––I hope.

**Once upon a time, I took on a difficult task that worried me and Favorite Young Man declared I was a badass. I don't claim such an appellation very often, but I decided I deserved it for surviving the hazards of the ladder.

THE FINAL PART: JIMMY KIMMEL, JIMMY FALLON, AND JIM MORRISON TRIED TO MAKE ME KILL WILLY DUNNE WOOTERS IN 2015

 I've been reposting a story from 2015 about Sweet Cheeks. At that time I called him Willy Dunne Wooters. To read the first part of the story, please click HERE. To read the second part, please click HERE. I mention Garrison Keillor because Favorite Young Man and I had gone to see him the night before.

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

It seems to me that before Garrison Keillor came to visit me we had established that Willy Dunne Wooters knew that Jimmy Fallon is good at impersonating musicians, and he sang with Neil Young and WDW had seen that.

I shoulda left it at that. But stupid me, I just had to say that my favorite Jimmy Fallon impersonation was of Jim Morrison singing the theme song from Reading Rainbow. I explained that Reading Rainbow was a show on PBS when my kids were growing up. It was about books. I looked up the video online and played it for the Wooters man:

I started the video. WDW said, Is that Jim Morrison?

No, I said. I already told you that it's Jimmy Fallon pretending to be Jim Morrison singing the theme song from a children's show called Reading Rainbow.

That's not Jim Morrison?

No. (My thought: I am going to get a butcher knife from the kitchen and stab you in the heart if you ask me that question one more time.)

That's Jimmy Fallon?

Yes. (My thought: I will let it go because it wasn't exactly the same question, but I'm still thinking about the shining blade on the butcher knife.)

Did Jim Morrison do that?

No, Jim Morrison was dead before Reading Rainbow was on TV. (My thought: The butcher knife will make a very bloody mess. Maybe I should put down a tarp before I kill him. And instead of the butcher knife, what might bring about a quicker end? A gun? I don't know how to use a gun, and I am in favor of gun control. How can I be such a hypocrite that I would shoot my boyfriend with a gun? What about my sewing scissors? I remember that movie, I can't think of the title, but the man sends a guy to kill his wife, and she manages to stab him in the back with scissors and kill him. Nah. It's not that easy to kill somebody with scissors. Oh, Lord, help me, please.)

I try to change the subject a bit. I say, My favorite lines are when Jimmy Fallon sings "Goodnight, moon, Goodnight, stars."

Willy Dunne Wooters just looks at me with a Willy Dunne Wooters look on his face. He doesn't know what I'm talking about.

I explain: Good Night, Moon is a famous children's book. Jimmy Fallon uses a couple of lines in the song.

Did Jim Morrison do that?

No. Jim Morrison was dead when Reading Rainbow was on TV.

(My thought: Maybe I should kill myself instead of the Wooters man. Then someone else has to clean up the mess. I doubt if stabbing myself will work well. Hanging? Can I hang myself? No, I probably wouldn't break my neck. I'd asphyxiate. It would take forever.)

No, says WDW. I mean did Jim Morrison sing lines from children's books in his songs?

If I'd had a mirror to look in at that moment, I bet my face would have been purple.

No, I said. I don't know of a time when Jim Morrison sang lines from children's books in his songs.

He didn't sing lines from that children's book in any of his songs?

The lizard king
didn't sing songs
with lines from
children's books.

I feel pretty certain that's the way the words looked when they came out of my mouth. I start to think about Miss Junebug in the dining room with the candle stick. I think about forgetting that it would be hypocritical to buy a gun and use it to murder this man in the ballroom. I don't have to be Miss Junebug. I can be Col. Mustard and that lessens the hypocrisy.

WDW says, So Jim Morrison didn't sing anything from children's books?

I scream: Jim Morrison was the lizard king.
       Jim Morrison was the lizard king.
      Jim Morrison was the lizard king.

My mind is made up. I'm going to Wal-Mart for a gun and ammo.

Aw, don't get so upset, honey, says WDW. I know Jim Morrison was the lizard king. You just know so much more about these things than I do that I thought maybe he really sang that song.

No, Jim Morrison didn't sing that song.

Willy Dunne Wooters says, You seem tired. Why don't we go to bed? I'll rub your back till you feel better.

Okay.

We take off our clothes and get in the bed and God is in His heaven, and all's right with the world. 

I forget about butcher knives and guns and sewing scissors until the next time I need them.

Willy Dunne Wooters rubs my back. Then he kisses my neck so softly while one hand slides around me to hold my right breast. Oh, yes. It's heaven.

Goodnight, moon. Goodnight, stars.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

HERE'S THE SECOND PART OF WDW TRYING TO DRIVE ME CRAZY BACK IN 2015

 Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I hate to tell you this, but I don't think we'll finish this story today because I have been up all night with an unhappy tummy. I think I might have food poisoning. Thank god I didn't get sick until Willy Dunne Wooters and I had finished watching Better Call Saul and an episode of The Sopranos. 

Just so you know, we like Better Call Saul. It's well written and acted. I've seen The Sopranos before. It's my all-time favorite show. Willy Dunne Wooters' all time favorite show is still Breaking Bad, but it only took a few episodes for him to get interested in The Sopranos.

I disapprove of too much TV because it's a passive "activity," but it's not so passive when Willy Dunne Wooters and I watch together because we have such great discussions about the shows, though sometimes the discussions turn into arguments, but then we go to bed and have make-up sex. No make-up sex or sex of any other kind last night. Too sick. I sent Willy Dunne Wooters home, and Franklin took care of me.

Okay, to read the first part of this post about the confusion regarding Jimmies, please click HERE. I enjoyed your comments and the lively interactions we've had about Jimmy Fallon and Jimmy Kimmel.

After I convinced Willy Dunne Wooters that there are two Jimmies, I said, I think Jimmy Fallon is hilarious. I've never seen his show, but I've watched YouTube clips of games he plays with celebrities and I think it's really funny when he impersonates singers. He's so good when he does that.

Wait a minute, said Willy Dunne Wooters. Did Jimmy Fallon imitate Neil Young?

Why, yes, he did, said I. Here's the clip. When I started watching it, I thought it might actually be Neil Young.

Let's watch Jimmy Fallon and Neil Young now:

Jimmy Fallon can darn near out-Neil-Young Neil Young.

I realize we haven't gotten to Jim Morrison yet, so please don't keep asking about him. He's still dead. We'll get there eventually, and you can expect capital letters because I shouted at Willy Dunne Wooters for a while. I punched him on the arm, too, but I punch like a girl so it really hurt him a lot.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

A SWEET CHEEKS POST FROM THE PAST: PART I

Now and then I look through old posts and delete some that are crap or archive some that are no longer relevant. I came across a series of three posts from 2015 about Sweet Cheeks. At that time I called him Willy Dunne Wooters [WDW]. They amused me, although I don't recall writing them. I didn't know who Jimmy Kimmel was then! I hope you enjoy them.

Dear Hearts and Gentle People,

This post will tell you the beginning of the story about my desire to murder Willy Dunne Wooters. I don't have time to tell you the entire story now.

Saturday evening I was looking at something online. WDW asked, Did you see that skit Jimmy Kimmel did about a Saved By The Bell Reunion?

I felt confused. Jimmy Kimmel?

I know someone did that skit, I said, because I saw it mentioned online, but I don't know who Jimmy Kimmel is.

He's one of those late-night talk show hosts.

I thought for a while, and then it hit me: JIMMY FALLON! I THINK YOU MEAN JIMMY FALLON!

Well, okay, said WDW, but then who is Jimmy Kimmel?

I don't know, but we'll find out right now, I assured him as I tapped away on my laptop.

Within seconds I said, Here's Jimmy Kimmel:

Jimmy Kimmel hosts a late-night talk show on ABC, I explained.

Then who is Jimmy Fallon? was the next, inevitable question.

I'm pretty sure he took over The Tonight Show when Jay Leno left, I said. He used to be on SNL. Sometimes I see clips from his show. They're really funny. I never saw Saved By The Bell, so it doesn't mean anything to me, but I saw that the skit was online. I didn't bother to watch it.

WDW said: Jimmy Kimmel. Jimmy Fallon. Are you sure there are two Jimmies?

I tapped a little more and said, Here's Jimmy Fallon:

So that's Jimmy Fallon, WDW said.

He used to be on SNL, WDW said.

And now he's on the Tonight show, WDW said.

Yes, I said.

WDW said, Do you mean to tell me there are two guys named Jimmy and they both have dark hair and they both host late-night TV shows? They even look a lot alike.

The truth is I didn't see that much of a resemblance other than dark hair (it's kind of like saying everyone of the same race looks alike), but I know better than to argue so I said, Yes, there are two guys named Jimmy and they both have dark hair and they both host late night TV show and they look a lot alike.

I put that shit crap garbage opinion about them looking alike in tiny, highlighted print because I still don't think that having dark hair means they look a lot alike. Besides, I don't know who Jimmy Kimmel is, but I know who Jimmy Fallon is. I think he's funny. I've never watched his show, but the clips I see online are hilarious.

WDW said, Do you mean to tell me there really are two guys with dark hair named Jimmy who host late-night TV shows?

I showed him their photos again, and I said again, I've never seen Jimmy Kimmel, but I think Jimmy Fallon is funny.

Okay, that's all for now, but you can see where this is headed, right? It's headed toward a straitjacket for me.


Infinities of love,
Janie Junebug

to be continued

YOU BETTER WATCH OUT YOU BETTER NOT DEFY YOU BETTER NOT POUT AND YOU BETTER NOT CRITICIZE YOUR EMPLOYER HAS THEIR NOSE UP YOUR ASS

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I wonder how many people have lost their jobs because they commented on Charlie Kirk's death. The most prominent occurred earlier this week when the FCC threatened ABC's (Disney) license––as in if you don't have a license you are not on the air at all––over the mild observation Jimmy Kimmel made about Kirk.   

When the Colbert cancellation was announced, 🟧 said Kimmel and Fallon would be next. 

One down; one to go. 

Supposedly, Kimmel is suspended and could return to his show. But under what conditions?

Affiliate giant Sinclair demands Kimmel make a public apology to the Kirk family and use personal funds to make a donation to the Kirk family and to Kirk's organization, Turning Point USA. 

I hope he doesn't do it. Jimmy Kimmel doesn't owe anyone an apology.

Plenty of ordinary folks who don't have money to fall back on have been losing their jobs, too, and not necessarily because their employers are monitoring their social media. Instead, the Web site "Charlie Kirk's Murderers" was set up so friends, neighbors, and strangers could report people for their "inappropriate" comments on Kirk. The site was rebranded as "Charlie Kirk Data Foundation" before finally seeming to disappear after claiming to receive 50,000 submissions that were reported to employers, if possible. 

Although a lot of people are relating what's happened to cancel culture, that is not what it is. It's a freedom of speech issue. Members of the right can and do say whatever they want. I won't even bother to quote Kirk. I suspect we're all sick of reading about the crap he said.

Of course, those of us on the left already know we're not allowed to share facts and opinions unless they're in line with 🔶. 

He who must not be named filed a $15 billion lawsuit against the New York Times a couple of days ago because they hurt his feelings during the election. A judge dismissed the suit Friday because it doesn't have a "short and plain statement of the claim." The felon has 28 days to refile. IF he refiles and the Times settles with him, I will be so disappointed.

This is a long post, so if you've stuck with it to the end, thank you for your attention. Hang in there. I know T47 is even worse than T45. I'm upset and disappointed in the ways of the world, but I'm still here and kicking and so are you. We won't stop fighting!

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

Click on the link and it will send you to a YouTube video from Stephen Colbert's show.

https://youtu.be/HMGD1KCYFOw

HONEY, I'M HOME

 Dear Hearts and Gentle People,

I thought I should drop by to say hello so you know Princess and I are well. I haven't been blogging because I haven't had much to say. 

I don't want to discuss the bruise on the 🟧 blockhead's hand or bring up his swollen legs for the kajillionth time. He's not going to drop dead from a bruise or some swelling. We aren't that lucky. 

Alligator Auschwitz has been dismantled. Funny how

obeys some court orders. 

All that money spent to build it; all that money spent to tear it down; people lose their benefits; the world keeps turning round. 

I'll try to think of something to say to create a real blog post.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

LED LED LED

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I know I've written about this issue before and I know I'm preaching to the choir, but this error will be the death of me. I see it in articles from legitimate news sources. I don't think editors exist anymore. One of the reporters is going to kill your Junebug with this horrendous mistake. 

Lead is not the past tense of lead. The past tense of lead is led.

LED 

LED

LED 

Please help me continue to fight the good fight. 

It doesn't help when the Idiot In Chief can't master a decent sentence. A reporter asked him about Harvard recently and he talked about Harlem. The person commenting on the video said if Barack Obama or Joe Biden had done such a thing, the Republicans would have been preparing articles of impeachment. Furthermore, when he lies, no reporter calls him out on it. They listen to him blather on. They know if they say anything they'll be banned from the White House or sued. Why can't a group of them work together to say That's not true? If I were still a reporter, nothing would have stopped me from speaking out. Of course, I was never in a position to question the president. 

In my last post––written quite some time ago––I said that Princess was feeling poorly. She is fine now. She had her well-child exam with Dr. G. Everything is good except I'm embarrassed to say she gained 10 lbs. She now weighs 80 lbs. Dr. G scolded me and said he doesn't want me to bring her back a year from now weighing 90 lbs. I admitted I gave her too many treats after Penelope's death. We also didn't walk enough during the spring because I was so depressed. We have already cut back on treats. Since the loss of Penelope, Princess is more devoted to me than ever, and I am devoted to her. 

Stay cool. Stay hydrated. And please remember led led led.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug 

OY WITH THE POODLES ALREADY! IT'S K'S BIRTHDAY!

 Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Favorite Young Man and his beloved came for a short visit recently. He wanted to get his very large tool box from my garage for use at his current job, which is going well.

So I got to meet his beloved, K. 

If K were a movie for me to review, my word for that movie would be lovely. Or brilliant. I wouldn't even be going too far if my word choice were perfect.

Today is K's birthday. I hope everyone pampers her and spoils her and treats her with the appreciation she deserves.

Did I mention her grammar is excellent?

I'm sure I'll see her again some day.

Princess seems a little off. She didn't eat her breakfast yesterday and only ate part of her supper. She barfed a bit on the bed so I had sheets to wash. She also slept all day yesterday without making a sound. 

Part of her behavior is a reaction to losing Penelope. Princess wants me in her sight all the time now. When she's eating, if she thinks I'm moving to a spot where she won't be able to see me, she stops so she can run after me, even if I'm not really going anywhere. 

It's almost time for her yearly wellness exam, so I went ahead and made her appointment with Dr. G. for today. If anything is wrong, I want to know as quickly as possible.

As for Israel, Iran, and the whole mess, Netanyahu found the perfect combination of stupidity and mental illness in the felon and made Tiny Hands his pussy.

It's hotter than hell here, and I know many of you are experiencing life under the heat dome, too. Stay hydrated and try not to get overheated. 

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

A FINE DAY FOR A BIRTHDAY PARADE

 Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Saturday was Trooping the Colour in London, the annual celebration of King Charles' birthday. His birthday is Nov. 14th, but the monarch's birthday celebration is held in June when the weather is nicer. 

King Charles rode in a carriage this year, rather than astride a horse, on the advice of his doctors. He has handled his cancer diagnosis and treaments with grace and dignity. 

Here, the king salutes the troops. King Charles served in the military from 1971 to 1994.

You might notice the black mourning armband he wore with his unform to show respect for the victims of the Air India crash on June 12th.

The Princess of Wales and Princess Charlotte were in good spirits. Princess Kate wore a sky-blue dress, with Charlotte in a somewhat lighter color. 

Someone else also had a birthday parade. The convicted felon birthday boy got up off his assets to salute. The only people who looked happy to be there were Hegseth and what's his name next to him. They must have smoked a big, fat doobie before their attendance was required. Melanoma looked miserable and the felon was bored.

Enthusiastic crowds always turn out for Trooping the Colour.

Meanwhile, in Washington, D.C., not so many people were there to watch.

Prince George and Prince  Louis are a good pair of brothers. George is 11 years old, and Louis is 7. I suspect Louis looks up to his big brother.

I know it's hard to tell, but this is Prince William. He spent seven-and-a-half years in full-time military service. 

Prince Harry (currently persona non grata) served in the Army for ten years.

The troops are always a sight to behold. It's a display of pomp, pageantry, and precision.

In Washington, D.C., troops in fatigues shuffled along.

King Charles is 76 years old. Long may he reign.

The felon in the White House is 79. Quickly may he disappear.

Celebrations were also held in other parts of the country.

Los Angeles, California

Portland, Oregon


Louisville, Kentucky

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

San Francisco, California

The White House

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug