SOMETHING ACCOMPLISHED

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

As dusk drew nigh on Sunday, I decided to replace the burned out lights on the house next to the deck. I had procrastinated because the job meant climbing the LADDER OF DEATH.

I know to you it's just a regular old ladder. To me it's a hideous contraption.

I am afraid of heights. When I go above the first step of my little step stool in the kitchen it leads to heart palpitations, the need for a fainting couch, a quickening of breath, and whatever Jane Austen would say to describe a lady in distress.

Yet I dragged the ladder out of the junky garage* and steeled myself for the journey. The new light bulbs were on the railing of the deck, awaiting their moment to shine. 

How high would I have to climb? First two steps weren't enough. Save me, Lord, save me. I had to keep going.

I trembled and moaned a little. My tiny feet trembled as they felt for each step up. 

Princess turned in circles of concern on the deck. What if Mommy fell? How would poor little Princess get her supper?

I HAD TO GO ALL THE WAY TO THE TOP STEP OF THE LADDER. Look at how high that is! The gate is 6 feet tall and I had to climb way up above that.

Once I had scaled the summit, I still had to disengage the old bulbs that didn't want to let go because they'd been there for years. Then I had to turn and turn and turn the new bulbs to get them to stay.

I bought extra bright bulbs for Princess'es viewing pleasure (she might want to enjoy a little reading material while taking care of business). 

But the job wasn't finished when the bulbs were in place. 

I was stuck––too frightened to feel for the step down with my foot. So I stayed where I was. I looked over the gate and hoped some kindly neighbor might notice my head up in the air and wondering why it floated on high, come to my aid.

That did not happen.

Eventually I got tired of standing there. My back hurt. Princess wanted her supper, and I was getting a little hungry, too. Food can be a great motivational tool.

So my right foot very slowly felt for the step down. The withdrawal from the ladder took even longer than the ascension. I had to stop to wipe the sweat from my brow so it wouldn't run into the cataracts on my eyes. Years Hours A few minutes later, I was grateful to be on solid ground, although the rest of me still shook.

Princess and I hugged in triumph and marched to the kitchen for her kibble. I took a swig of Diet Pepsi and said, I am a badass.**

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug 

*I have an excuse for my messy garage. The door is broken so I can't close it. I can't afford a new door at the moment. So I keep messy stuff in the front of the garage. Anyone looking in and thinking about robbing me is supposed to say, Why would I bother? That's nothing but a bunch of junk. They won't see the lawn mower, the pressure washer, and the chain saw in the back of the garage––I hope.

**Once upon a time, I took on a difficult task that worried me and Favorite Young Man declared I was a badass. I don't claim such an appellation very often, but I decided I deserved it for surviving the hazards of the ladder.