PLEASE JOIN MY FAVORITE MUPPET FOR ODE TO JOY

 Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I wish you a happy new year with a video of my favorite Muppet--Beaker.



Peace be with you as you greet 2016.

I shan't participate in the January 1, 2016, Battle of the Bands. I have lots of work to do, but that's a good problem. Besides, Lord Franklin and Lady Penelope join me in my turret of the castle while I edit.

Lady Penelope approaches his Lordship as he lounges on the sofa,
tail and one white paw clearly visible.
"Please, may we visit the queen?"Lady Penelope inquires.

"We must watch quietly while Queen Junebug works,"
grownup Franklin cautions the much younger Penelope.

Happy New Year!

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

P.S. The image of Beaker with the violin is really Sherry Ellis of Mama Diaries. How clever of you, Sherry, to get a makeover as Beaker.

A VISIT FROM JANIE JUNEBUG

(With thanks to Clement C. Moore)

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a word was stirring, not even a noun;
The verbs were hanged hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that a palmetto Junebug soon would be there;
Franklin and Penelope were nestled all snug in their beds;
While visions of milk bones danced in their heads;
Willy Dunne Wooters, who couldn't care less,
Had just settled his brain for football and a nap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
That Hot Young Anthony and Sweet Young Allison
Considered getting up to see what was the matter.
The Junebug had arrived.
She could be such a bitch grinch ditz.
Thinks she knows grammar better than ever.
She can't leave a missteak.
More rapid than eagles her curses they came,
And she whistled, and shouted, and called writers names:
"Now pronouns! Now modifiers! Now dangling participles!
Vary vocabulary! Vary sentence construction! Choose me as your editor!
To the top of the page! To the first word of the chapter!
Do it all better, or I'll kick your asses!"
A bundle of books Junebug slung on her back,
She commanded all learn track changes and clean up their acts.
Till four in the morning she edited with glee,
Kissed Frank and Penny, and dropped to her knees.
She begged God to teach grammar to all, please, please, please, please.
Then she cuddled her blanket, put down her head,
And thought of lie, lay, lay, laid.
When finally her brain rested from an existentialist bent
Then she dreamed of England, where she wishes she went.
"The Dowager Countess," she mumbles in her sleep.
Downton Abbey will belong to the Junebug.
Now no more said, Lord Grantham. Not a peep.
The Junebug wishes a Merry Christmas to all, no matter where.
She loves big and small, and her son ever so tall.
Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, sweet prince.
She'll never tell you what Smells Like Teen Spirit means,
so give up--now--learn your em dashes, jeez.
The Chicago Manual of Style stays in its place.
No matter your transgressions, your misuse of apostrophes,
She wishes you a Happy 2016.
Now write, will you, please?

TIP TUESDAY: LET'S USE THE CORRECT WORD

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

On Christmas Eve, some people line their sidewalks or driveways with bags of sand that have candles in them. Here's an impressive display:

What are these pretty lights called? In some parts of the U.S., including my state of Florida where many people speak Spanish, they are called "luminarias," or the more traditional term--"farolitos." Farolito seems to be especially popular in New Mexico.

When we lived on the East coast, the French-derived term "luminaires" was sometimes used, but more often, the lights were called "luminaries."

 What is a luminary?

lu·mi·nar·y

ˈlo͞oməˌnerē/

noun

1. 1.

   a person who inspires or influences others, especially one prominent in a particular sphere.

   "one of the luminaries of child psychiatry"

   synonyms:

   leading light, guiding light, inspiration, role model, hero, heroine,leader, expert, master; More
2. 2.

   an artificial light.

A candle in a bag of sand is not a person who inspires or influences others. It is not an artificial light.

Always try to use the correct word in your writing. It leads to greater clarity. 

Use luminarias, farolitos, or luminaires, depending on which word is preferred in your area.

I realize I have not answered the questions about grammar that you asked when I introduced TIP TUESDAY. You can email me at dumpedfirstwife@gmail.com about your grammatical concerns. I'm a bit off schedule because of editing I need to do and because it's time to celebrate the birth of Jesus. I promise I will answer your questions, but it probably won't happen until January.

God bless you all, dear ones.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

BOTB ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS YOU: A TIE BREAKER

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Our December 15, 2015, Battle of the Bands consisted of Mariah Carey v. Olivia Olson on a song Mariah helped to create: All I Want For Christmas Is You. I know Mariah Carey has a lot of fans, but I thought young Olivia would runaway with this battle because she was an adorable little girl and because everybody has to love Love Actually and all the love in it. I love Love Actually. I love love.

Boy, was I wrong. We finished the battle this way:

Mariah Carey  16
Olivia Olson16

Wow! I get to break the tie. Easy peasy lemon squeezy. I give my vote to 

Olivia Olson!

Our next Battle of the Bands will take place on the first day of the new year. 2016, here we come.

Dance us out, please, Prime Minister Hugh Grant.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

BATTLE OF THE BANDS: MARIAH CAREY V, OLIVIA OLSON

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Now that I've said I won't blog unless I feel like blogging, I feel more like blogging.

It's time for the December 15, 2015, Battle of the Bands.

Mr. Stephen T. McCarthy provides us with this information about the bloghop:

The whole thing is really quite simple: You select two different versions of the same song (versions  you feel might give each other some competition in the voting) and you post them on the 1st and the 15th of each month. On the 7th and 21st of each month, you add your own personal vote to the mix, total up all the votes and announce the winner on your blog.

Beyond that, just try to have fun with it and let your readers/voters have fun with it.

All righty, then. Let's have fun! Our song is All I Want For Christmas Is You. I think I know who will win. Now I get to see if I'm right.

Please vote for your preferred version of this song in your comment, and tell us why you've chosen the rendition. I'll announce the winner on December 21, 2015. The year is nearly gone. I think the best part of 2015 is that Penelope joined our little family, and I say that although she barfed up her supper a few minutes ago.

Our first singer is Mariah Carey:




The talented chanteuse released her version of this song, which she produced and co-wrote, on her first holiday album in 1994.

Our second contender sings in the movie Love Actually. She plays the part of Joanna, but her name is Olivia Olson.




The Internet Movie Database notes: Olivia Olson (Joanna - Sam's crush), does all her own singing in "All I Want for Christmas is You" at the Christmas concert. She had such an amazing voice that the director had it edited so it sounded more like a child singing.

Please visit Stephen T. McCarthy to get the complete list of participants in the Battle of the Bands. I hope you enjoy the music. See you soon!


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

I NEED A DO-OVER

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I need a do-over. Maybe just for the month of December, even though we're only halfway through it. Maybe for the entire year. Maybe for about fifty years.

Things that I said would happen probably will not happen. I probably will not answer your grammatical questions until next year. I probably won't blog much for the rest of the year. I probably won't accomplish anything other than the items at the top of the priority list.

My priority list begins with worship because Christmas is Christ-oriented for a reason. Next on my list is taking care of the people I love. Carol is one of the best friends I've ever had. She doesn't feel well. She hasn't felt well for quite some time. I'm going to take her out for lunch at our favorite tea room and give her the clip-on earrings she hoped for, made by Michele at Accent Gem Designs.

I will make a fuss over the nice people who take care of me at the neighborhood diner. I might even bake some Christmas cookies.

I guess what I really need is a do-over on my plans for the rest of the year. Less blogging. More giving to the people who are close to me. Lots of love for Franklin and Penelope. Big hugs for Willy Dunne Wooters and my son. Editing. Not caring about some of the things that used to be important to me.

I need to take care of myself, too. It's warm and humid. The mosquitoes are terrible. I have eczema almost every place on my body. Eczema probably doesn't seem like a big deal if you don't have it. I've had it all my life. It is very bad right now.

So if I don't participate in Battle of the Bands or other blog hops, I feel pretty certain you can live without me.

Amy, please, will you sing us out?


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

HI IT'S ME IT'S FRANKLIN THE BORDERNESE

Hi Hi Hi hihihihihihi It's me me me, Franklin the Bordernese.

Mom asked me to make an announcement. Are you reading?

Are you sure you're reading?
I can't see you.

I'm here to tell you that Mom won't blog for another day or two because she doesn't feel so good. Her tummy kinda hurts, and she's super itchy. She has ec . . . ech . . . echozemia, I think it's called. 

You don't have to worry because I'm on the job. I watch Mom, and I make sure Penelope is a good mini-me. 

Before you know it, Mom will look like this again:

And I always look pretty much like this because I am such a bootiful boy:

And Penelope looks like this because she's our sweet little lady dog:

Mom asked me to make this announcement because I am her big, grown-up dog.

Okay I love you bye-bye.


Franklin the Bordernese

HELLO IT IS I PENELOPE

hello it is i penelope

i am not as scared as i used to be 

remember when i looked like this

now i look like this

i have a new game i play i get a doggy toy and show it to mom mom while she clickety clacks on the machine then i run to the bedroom and put the doggy toy in my crate then i run back to mom mom and smile at her mom mom laughs every time she is easily amused

do you see i know her name now? i called her the nice mom lady now i know her name is mom mom because when franklin wants something he says mom mom he keeps saying mom mom till he gets what he wants

i stopped being scared because the bad men who made noise next door are gone now i am not afraid to go in the yard sometimes i go out to wee wee sometimes i go out and run across the backyard as fast as i can go i am so fast.

i am here to help mom tonight because she is in a bad mood but not with us doggies 

she is mad about picture verification on blogs because they make it too hard to leave a comment she says she is boycotting blogs with picture verification i don't know what that means but it sounds very important

i think if you have picture verification you better make it go away so mom mom will not be upset

we love mom mom so much that we don't like for her to be unhappy 

franklin and i are best friends but we love mom mom very much

if you have picture verification you can click here to find out how to make it go away

it is i penelope goodbye

HOW TO GET RID OF PICTURE VERIFICATION

To Disable Word/Picture Verification:

1. Make sure you're signed in to your blogger account.
2. Go to the Settings from the left pane.
3. Now hit on Post and Comments option
4. Move to the Comments option. 
5. Find Show Word Verification. Select No.
6. Hit on Save Settings. 

From now on users will not face any verification while commenting on your site. 

I CAN'T SEE THE LITTLE PICTURES!

Darlings,

I beg of you, if you have that thing on your blog that requires readers who want to comment to click on all the pictures of bodies of water or fish or construction vehicles, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE take it off.

I don't object to the check mark in the box. That's a simple click, but I can't tell what's in those stupid damn pictures. If you don't get rid of it, then I can't comment on your blog.

If you want to get rid of me, and perhaps some of you do, then keep the "Verify" thing with the pictures.

I'm also irritated because a man came to my door a little while ago and said he was from Comcast and they'd sent me a letter last week and I was supposed to reply but they didn't hear from me. Who does he think he is? My Aunt Evelyn?

I said, IF I received a letter from Comcast, I threw it in the trash because I have contracts with other providers.

May I ask how much you pay for those? he inquired smarmily.

It's none of your business and get lost! I cried.

See what that Verify thing has done to me? I'm like a rabid dog, foaming at the mouth, and ready to bite.

Love, and only Love, NO INFINITIES,

Janie

DOCUMENTARY WEEKEND: AMY

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Today I present for your consideration a tragic and beautiful look at the life of Amy (2015, Rated R, Available on DVD).

I'd heard of Amy Winehouse. I knew she was a successful singer who died young. That was pretty much it. Thank God Sam, the caretaker of my golden tresses, introduced me to Amy's amazing, soulful voice.

Now we have a documentary that uses footage of Amy, her family, friends, and demons, so we can see for ourselves at least a bit of who she was.

Huge success. Heroin. Alcohol. Bulimia. Cutting. Clean. More huge success. Back to old habits. Dies of alcohol poisoning.

She's so beautiful she breaks my heart in two and stomps all over it.

I'm sad that life was too much for her. I'm angry that more than one celebrity belittled and joked about her on television. Jay Leno. George Lopez. Graham Norton. You people think you're funny making "jokes" about someone with a drug problem who's bulimic? Fuck you all.

A man would have your sympathy, but if it's a woman in trouble, then she's nothing but a mess.

Amy has The Janie Junebug Most Unusual And Especially Superior Seal of Approval. Amy has it, too.

This documentary is not for children. I would strongly consider watching it with teens, as long as you can use it to show them that she was a real person with real talent and real problems and that some people took advantage of her.

I watched Amy on a DVD from Netflix.

Sing for us, please, Amy.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

UPDATE ON TIP TUESDAY, ALTHOUGH IT'S WEDNESDAY

Dear Ones,

I realized as I looked at your comments on TIP TUESDAY that I didn't make my intentions clear.

I want to offer advice that will help you with writing you want to publish, or writing that needs to be formal for some reason. Please, please write your blogs and emails and letters without fear that I'll descend on you as the avenging grammar demon.

My intent is to assist you--not to make you afraid of writing.

I am not the grammar nazi. Now please repeat after me:

Janie Junebug loves me with infinities of love.
Janie Junebug loves my writing with infinities of love.
Janie Junebug never wants me to feel bad about my writing unless I'm an asshat.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

TIP TUESDAY

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

As one or none of you may recall, when I changed the header and title on my blog, I promised thought considered decided  mentioned that my blog would become more writing oriented.

One of these changes comes in the form of TIP TUESDAY.

Every Tuesday, I hope to offer some tip to help you improve your writing or provide you with a point to ponder.

If you want to offer a tip for use in this feature, please email it to me at dumpedfirstwife@gmail.com. If I can use the tip on a Tuesday, I'll give you credit for it and provide a link to your blog.

You're also welcome to email me with any questions you have, such as

• How do I spell anomotopoeia unamotapeia enamomapeeya? (Because how can you look up a word in the dictionary if you don't know the first letter?)
• Will you explain why algebra problems always have two trains? (How in the hell would I know that? I'm not The Queen of Math.)
• What do the lyrics to Smells Like Teen Spirit mean? (You won't believe me if I tell you.)
• Should I use it's or its? (Now we're headed in the right direction.)

I'll answer your questions--if I know the answer--on Fridays if Franklin and Penelope don't want to blog. They get pretty tired when they play chase around the big bush in the backyard. They won't allow blogging to interfere with naps, playtime, or nom nom nom we love our kibble. I feel the same way--except for the kibble--but I add any form of sexual activity making whoopie  a kiss for my beloved Willy Dunne Wooters to my list.

Baby, I'll ring in the new year with a
kiss for you. Thanks for asking.

How can I think about grammar now? Weird Al, please help.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

BOTB SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT: I DIDN'T EXPECT THIS OUTCOME

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

You're probably as surprised as I am over my December 1, 2015, Battle of the Bands, with Joan Jett and the surviving members of Nirvana v. Patti Smith.

Here's the vote count (including mine):

Joan Jett   15
Patti Smith15

If the version for which you voted didn't win, perhaps you can find some happiness in the tie, which means that both renditions won. I know I'm happy. 

I realize some of you find no meaning in the lyrics. Using the analytical skills I learned as an English major, I found that I was able to interpret at least part of the song. Perhaps we'll discuss that another day.

For now, Nirvana--including Kurt Cobain--please sing us out.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

DECEMBER QUESTION OF THE MONTH

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Today I participate in a blog hop hosted by Michael D'Agostino of A Life Examined. Please visit Michael's blog to sign up. Now let's go to the hop!

Michael's question for December is the following: Which one social convention would you get rid of?

I've been thinking and thinking and pondering this question and didn't know what my answer would be until the minute I put the question on my computer screen. It's something I mentioned in a blog comment earlier this evening:

The answer is smiling. Why should I smile if I don't feel like it? I'm sick unto death of people telling me, SMILE! 

Bite me. Bite my little pink butt.

I seldom smile because I'm embarrassed by my bad teeth, but an even more important reason is that I have TMJ. About twenty years ago when the pain from the TMJ became intense, a doctor sent me to a biofeedback specialist. I told her I had headaches all the time. She had a little machine to measure muscle tension. She hooked it up to my forehead. No real tension. It's my jaw, I'm telling you, I remember saying.

She put the machine on my jaw, and the number zoomed. I had ten sessions of biofeedback therapy to help me learn to relax the muscles in my face. It didn't end my headaches, but it improved my TMJ. 


So before you command someone to smile, consider the possibility that smiling can be painful. We scrunch up the muscles in our jaws when we smile. And that thing people say about frowning taking more effort than smiling?

Not true.

I'll smile in a drawing of me.

Excellent question, Michael.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

 Please keep in mind that it's Pearl Harbor Day, and show respect for our veterans--young and old--and our Commander in Chief.

SO WHAT IN THE HECK ARE THE WORDS TO SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT?

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

If you listen to Patti Smith's version of Smells Like Teen Spirit, you can understand the lyrics pretty well (click HERE to visit my current Battle of the Bands contest and vote for Joan Jett or Patti Smith in your comment). Joan Jett is fairly understandable, too.

When Nirvana released the song in 1991 as the lead track on their album Nevermind, it took time for the song to become a hit. The alternative-minded DJs realized they had something special and played it frequently. Eventually, it leaked into the mainstream and became Nirvana's biggest hit.

When it went into heavy rotation on MTV, Smells Like Teen Spirit played with subtitles because no one could understand Kurt Cobain.

Yet the song went on to win a number of awards and is on many Greatest Song lists.

Here are the lyrics:



You have until midnight EST on Sunday, December 6, to vote in my Battle of the Bands. I'll announce the winner on December 7.


Our Smells Like Teen Spirit week won't be complete without The Muppets, so sing us out, please, you Mop Heads.



Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

MOVIE WEEKEND: ME AND EARL AND THE DYING GIRL

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I love today's movie. It's Me and Earl and the Dying Girl (2014, PG-13, Available on DVD).

The "Me" in question is Greg (Thomas Mann), who makes his way through the chaos of high school as a polite and amiable acquaintance to everyone, and friend to no one. He's on the fringe of every clique, so nobody beats him up. He's not committed to anyone except Earl (RJ Cyler). Greg and Earl make film parodies together, such as Anatomy of a Burger for Anatomy of a Murder and Senior Citizen Cane for Citizen Kane.

I'm not sure Greg is friends with Earl, although they've known each other since they were young children. Earl is Greg's "co-worker."

Then Greg returns home from school one day and learns from his mom (Connie Britton) that Rachel (Olivia Cooke), a girl in his high school class, has cancer. Rachel's mom has called some parents to request that their kids visit Rachel. Greg hesitates, procrastinates, undulates (not really undulates; I like the way it sounds), and says he doesn't really know Rachel. It's true, because Greg doesn't know anyone.

Gently hounded by his parents, Greg visits Rachel. Then he visits again and again and again until he spends all his free time with Rachel. Do you know our theme today, class?

Yes. You. The one in the green shirt, back row.

The interconnectedness of human kind?

Very good. Other themes pop up in the movie, but the most important support for the theme is that Greg develops a connection with Rachel that changes his life.

I love the highs and lows and backwards and forwards and this and that of Me and Earl and the Dying Girl. 

Fortunately, we have comic relief in the form of Denise, Rachel's mom (Molly Shannon). Shannon steals every scene she's in.

All the young actors have bright futures, I hope. I also enjoy Greg's dad (Nick Offerman), who always seems to be clad in a robe and pajama pants and doesn't do much of anything as far as I can tell and has a cat named Cat Stevens. Cat Stevens is almost as good a name for a cat as my F. Cat Fitzgerald, dead and gone lo these many years. Oh, how that cat loved my son. It was hero worship.

Me and Earl and the Dying Girl earns The Janie Junebug Seal for well-done teen angst, a Super Seal for the interconnectedness of human kind, and a Kissy Face Seal because I love the name Cat Stevens. Another good cat name is Meow Zedong or Picatso.

I would allow children of reasonable emotional intelligence, ages thirteen and older, to watch this movie. In fact, I'd probably insist that any child living under my roof watch this movie. As always, I urge you to see the movie before you decide to show it to your teens.

I hooked up with this movie on a DVD that Netflix sent to my mailbox. That company is so nice to send me movies.

Happy viewing!


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

WEIRD AL SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Because my current Battle of the Bands song is Smells Like Teen Spirit (Click HERE to Vote In Your Comment),

and

because a few of you mentioned that your favorite version of the song is Weird Al's

and

because I like Weird All, too,

I asked him to stop by to perform for you.

Here we are now, Al. Entertain us.


Infinities of love,

Janie

WINNERS OF THE GREAT THANKSGIVING ACCENT GEM DESIGNS GIVEAWAY

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Would you like to know the five winners from The Great Thanksgiving Accent Gem Designs Giveaway? They were chosen by the Rafflecopter, and I'm not telling.

Because Michele is the creator of the beautiful jewelry that inspired this giveaway, please head on over to her blog, Angels Bark , to learn the names of the winners.

I intend to do most of my Christmas shopping at Michele's online shop, Accent Gem Designs. She makes her jewelry with beautiful, natural gemstones. Rock on, Michele!

Thank you for joining me in this giveaway.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

BATTLE OF THE BANDS: JOAN JETT V. PATTI SMITH

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

It's time for the December 1, 2015, Battle of the Bands.

Mr. Stephen T. McCarthy provides us with this information about the bloghop:

The whole thing is really quite simple: You select two different versions of the same song (versions  you feel might give each other some competition in the voting) and you post them on the 1st and the 15th of each month. On the 7th and 21st of each month, you add your own personal vote to the mix, total up all the votes and announce the winner on your blog.

Beyond that, just try to have fun with it and let your readers/voters have fun with it.

All righty, then. Let's have fun! Our song is Smells Like Teen Spirit.

You're probably accustomed to hearing Smells Like Teen Spirit, sung almost unintelligibly, by the three men who wrote it: the members of Nirvana--the late Kurt Cobain, Krist Novoselic, and Dave Grohl. The revolutionary teen anthem was the band's biggest hit and was the lead track on their second album, Nevermind, released in 1991.

For our battle, I present two hard rockin' ladies. The first is Joan Jett, who joins the surviving members of Nirvana for their induction to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame:




And now, Ladies and Gents, I present the High Priestess of Punk, Patti Smith:




Man, I'd like to be the High Priestess of something, but I guess I have to be satisfied to be The Queen of Grammar.

Now it's your turn. Do you prefer Joan Jett's or Patti Smith's rendition of this Nirvana classic? Please vote in your comment, and if you can, tell us what swayed you. Please visit other participants in the Battle of the Bands, whose blogs are listed at the bottom of my post.

I'll announce the winner on December 7 (Pearl Harbor Day).


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

ANGELS BARK

BOOK LOVER

CHERDO ON THE FLIPSIDE

CURIOUS AS A CATHY

DCRELIEF - BATTLE OF THE BANDS 

FAR AWAY SERIES 
HOLLI'S HOOTS & HOLLERS
J.A.SCOTT
JINGLE JANGLE JUNGLE

MIKE'S RAMBLINGS
NOVEL BREWS
QUIET LAUGHTER 

STMcC PRESENTS BATTLE OF THE BANDS

THE DOG LADY'S DEN

THE SOUND OF ONE HAND TYPING 

THIS BELLE ROCKS 

TOSSING IT OUT

JANIE JUNEBUG RIGHTING & EDITING

YOUR DAILY DOSE