Hello. It is I, Penelope.
When Auntie Rebekah arrived in our home, coffee drinking commenced. Auntie Rebekah stumbles from her bed each morning, bleary and bluggy, croaking out her need for coffee. And she is not fit to live with until she drinks that stuff.
I do not understand this need for coffee. Mom Mom drinks water, milk that has achieved a score of 2 percentage points, and Diet Pepsi. Mom Mom does not drink coffee, although she assures me it is ordinary for most adults in our country to want coffee in the morning. Still, I do not approve because another problem with the coffee has come up.
When Auntie Rebekah drinks coffee and eats her breakfast, we have to stay very close to her in case she chokes on something and needs me to perform the Hymen maneuver. Princess and Fritz must join me to clean up her spills. In the photo above, she has a covered cup, but she usually has an open cup of coffee and my little sister, Princess, might have accidentally stuck her tongue in the cup and now she has developed a taste for coffee.
Every time Auntie Rebekah walks away from her coffee, Princess takes a drink of it. I told her she must not do that! She is drinking the germs and bacteria Auntie Rebekah spits into the cup. Coffee will also stunt her growth, and caffeine will keep her awake at night. I do not think I can deal with a sister who has chronic insomnia.
Thus far, Princess has not listened to me. She hasn't my years of experience that have led to my great wisdom and made me the paragon of virtue that I am.
Please help me explain to Princess that she must not drink coffee.
And please tell me this is not true:
I know it is not true that people who come to live in the U.S. eat pets. I am too smart to believe in such stupidity. I join Mom Mom in reminding you to vote for Kamala Harris.
That is all. Goodbye.