PENELOPE SPEAKS: GERMAN GIRLS CAN BE NICE

 Hello. It is I, Penelope.

Is anyone watching us? It's always so difficult to find a place where I can have a private conversation with you.

Let's go inside. I think I know the perfect spot for a chat.

The bedroom closet is my perfect hiding spot when I need to escape from noisy thunder. We can also use it for privacy. 

Mom Mom's old slippers are kind of stinky so hold your nose.

I don't want Mom Mom to know about this yet because it's none of her business, but I am starting to like that German girl.

Something happened that changed my mind. You know the village idiot my beloved big brother Franklin and I despise the Roombas. Mom Mom knows we hate them and we have told Mom Mom how dangerous they are to dogs and she needs to let food crumbs and other items of interest accumulate in the house instead, yet she persists in their use. She even has one now that makes floors wet, but she won't let us lick the floor. That woman will be selfish and nasty to the bitter end.

I wanted to come inside one day, but a Roomba monster was running near the backdoor. Mom Mom said Get in here, Penelope. We can't keep the door open in this heat! She was vicious, absolutely cruel and vicious. The P-word, whose name is really Princess, watched this monstrous atrocity take place and understanding I simply could not walk through the door, she came out, stood next to me, and without a word escorted me in past the paw-stealing Roomba. 

Princess is very tall and strong. She used her might to save my life. Never before has someone done such a thing for me. I was so relieved. 

Now we are learning to be friends. We play chase a little bit. She doesn't speak German the way I thought she did. She barks in American but doesn't know a lot of words yet. I asked her if she wanted my starring role as the polka-dotted elephant in the remake of the Rudolph movie. She didn't understand what I was talking about, so she's not after my job! Marty Scorsese still hasn't called, but when he does, he'll still be calling for me!

Princess seems to like to be close to me. When I lie down to rest on the big doggy bed, sometimes she lies down on the little doggy bed to be close to me. It's nice when she does that.

I thought you'd want to know my feelings have changed. Please don't tell Mom Mom. She'll go on and on about it. Besides, she's already noticed us playing together. She'll figure out the situation eventually––maybe next year because she's so slow witted. Hahahahahahahahaha! I am still the funniest doggy around and I will laugh all day about calling Mom Mom slow-witted. Hahahahahahahaha! Ha!        HaHa!

That is all. Goodbye.

I can come out of the closet now.