THEY'RE DOING CHOREOGRAPHY

 Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Recently I auditioned for the starring role in drumroll, please

THE MAM DANCE!!!

I arrived early so I had plenty of time to change into my beautiful gown. When the choreographer was ready for me, I floated onto the stage with stardust in my hair and no deodorant or lotion in the breast area. 

The room was chilly––perfect for a hard-nipple workout. Down went the top of my gown and it was time.

Put your left arm up. Higher. Higher than that. Move your feet to the side. No, no, let me put them in position. Here and here. Twist your right side back while keeping the left side straight ahead. Right foot more to the right. Left foot more to the left.

Don't move! Take a breath. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe.  Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe.

Breathe. 

Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe.  Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. 

Breathe.

Step back. (choreographer peels my skin away from the ice-cold equipment so I can move)

Okay. Right arm up. Reach, reach, reach for that handle. Hold on. Feet to the left. Farther left than that. Back a little. No, closer. No, back a little. Too much. Just a tiny bit. Higher. Reach higher. This is what it takes to be a star.

All right! Don't move! Take a breath. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe.  Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe.

Breathe. 

Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe.  Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe.  Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe.

Breathe. 

Don't breathe. Don't breather. Don't breathe. Don't breathe.  Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe.  Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe.  Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe.  Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe.

Breathe. 

Stay here. Don't leave yet. Ah, yes. We need one more.

Arm up higher. Higher. Higher. Left side back. Feet here and here. I'll position the breast. Left foot more to the right. Right foot more to the left.

Breathe. 

Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe.  Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe.  Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe.  Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe.  Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe.  Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe.  Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breather. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breather. Don't breathe. Don't breathe.  Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe.  Don't breath. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe.

Breathe. (choreographer peels skin from machine again)

Okay. That's it for today. You can go. We'll let you know.

Happily, I received the all clear for another year.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

not my tit

FRANKLIN FRIDAY: I HAD AN OUCH

 Hi Every Buddy! Hi Hi Hi! And Hi some more! It's me me me Franklin the Bordernese and pretty soon I'm gonna catch some z's.

Mom was gonna be here to write to you all before 2022 started, but I had an ouch that made me need extra love and attention.

On Dec. 31st, I couldn't quit licking a spot on my side because it bothered me so much. It hurt lots. Mom saw it and at first she thought I'd been wounded. Then she figured out it was a hot spot. We had to go see my doctor and I got in the car without any fooling around because I needed help.

I had an infection from the ouch. The doctor's helper had to shave some of my fur.

Then the doctor gave me a shot and he gave mom pills for me and some stuff to spray on the ouch. I felt better after a couple days and I finished taking my pills last week. I'm all better now. The doctor also gave Mom pills for me and ole Penlapee to take so we wouldn't be as scared of the fireworks that night. Mom told him we hate the fireworks. He said, This is a redneck town. I dunno what that means.

Mom said she was sure glad she didn't have to go to werk that day. I was glad, too. 

Most days she goes to werk, though. Before she goes, she always tells me Take care of the house. Take care of Penelope. I'll come back as soon as I can. I love you. You're in charge.

It's a lot of sponsibility to be in charge, but Mom needs me, so I keep an eye on everything. We do like it that Auntie Maureen comes over to let us out to potty and she gives us treats and she pets us and says nice stuff to us. We love Auntie Maureen.

Daddy comes to see us, too, and Grandma comes over sometimes. We have a great family.

Mom is kinda tired after work, but she said to tell you that she misses you and she wants to visit you all. Just be careful or she might give you sponsibility, too.

I gotta go now because it's almost bedtime. I have to sit by the bed and watch over Mom while she sleeps. 

Okay I love you bye-bye.

Oh. Wait a minute. I thought of something else. Do you remember this pitcher of my dad's bottom?

It makes me wonder if he had an ouch and got his fur shaved because his bottom isn't very hairy. 

It gives me somethin to think about.