Friday, March 26, 2021

STOP THE WORLD I WANNA GET OFF

 Today is not a happy day. Today is not a good day. I'm quite upset.

Today is my son's birthday. He is now 41 years old. An alcoholic. User of cocaine. Abuser, emotionally and physically. Great when he's not drunk and hideous when he is. Went to rehab for six months and then started drinking again immediately. Knew the police wouldn't make him leave my house no matter how many times I asked for help. Eleven inches taller than I am and outweighs me. Locked up because he's the attacker, which I've told a few of you or confirmed for others, and the rest of you probably suspected it. 

He's the giver of the gift that keeps on giving because I'm still filling out papers and dealing with problems. The latest is that I've been deemed ineligible for assistance from the victim compensation fund, according to a letter from the office of Ashley Moody, Attorney General State of Florida.

After jumping through hoops and filling out forms and sending them copies of detailed medical bills along with the case number and the name of the state's attorney and doing everything I'm supposed to do, I've been informed "there is no proof that a compensable domestic violence crime occurred." I guess FELONY ASSAULT isn't serious enough.

The first notice I received about the fund said I was eligible. The second notice said I'm eligible but I had to provide a copy of a letter to my health insurance company and all healthcare providers billing me because of two emergency room visits that a Florida statute forbids co-pays or payments toward a deductible for victims of crimes.

So I called the health insurance "concierge" to ask the best way of getting the letter to them. The person who answered was unfriendly to say the least and didn't seem to believe that such a statute existed, but I found out how to email the letter to them, which I had to do through My Page on their site, where attaching the letter proved somewhat difficult. Then I received emails back from the concierge dept. that were accusatory and impolite. 

Finally I received information about calling in a different dept. I spoke to someone in the other dept. yesterday. She was polite, empathetic, and helpful. Because my (COBRA) insurance is from a large corporation, they might not have to obey the mandate in Florida. The kind person is working on it. I still have to contact all the healthcare providers, who are in this area, yet somehow don't know about the statute. They've never had to deal with a victim of a violent crime before? 

But every time I have to deal with what happened, it's hard. It's worse when people are rude. It's even worse when they demonstrate no empathy. 

Oh, and I'm also ineligible because I didn't provide proof of relocation expenses. 

I didn't relocate.

So now I have to open yet another gift from my son and continue with the mission to make people aware of the statute and failing a reasonable response from the healthcare providers, I have to appeal the decision relating to the victim compensation fund.

I am so overwhelming tired at this moment. 

All I want to do is sleep, but I have to carry on because I am not the person who should pay the bills.





23 comments:

  1. Oh dear Janie. I am so very sorry.
    And hope that you do get justice.

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  2. Oh, Janie! My heart hurts for you! I didn’t know all the details! What a difficult time....that’s an understatement! Exhausting for you! I send you big hugs and comfort!

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  3. How awful, Janie. I am so, so sorry for what you are going through. Paperwork (and lack of empathy by those who should be helping) on top of the physical assault and mental anguish is simply inhumane. I wish for you the energy you need to keep on trying to resolve it, and the hope you can find some peace as well. Sending you a big hug, my friend.

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  4. That is tough. You want to care for him , but at the same time he has got to want to get his life together, for himself at some point. I can't even imagine being in your shoes, since I haven't. Your had your pups and you have us, so vent any time sugar. I offer hugs. You can have as many as you wish freind.

    💗💗💗

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  5. Yeah, I figured out right away that your son was your attacker. It makes the whole ugly incident that much worse, doesn't it. Clearly he's got his own demons to fight in this life and I hope he's able to get the help he needs. Keep on persevering with the Victims of Crime bureaucracy -- those things can be frustrating to access and many people just give up and go away, which is probably what they want. Good luck!

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  6. I'm so sorry you are going through this. First an attack, then massive paperwork, then no results, and more headaches. Then worst of all, your son. I can only imagine how painful this must be for you. Sending love to you.

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  7. This is the very definition of tragedy, because it is the story of a mother and son.
    My heart breaks reading this. Addiction is a curse.

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  8. Janie, I had no idea the attacker was your son, but I'm not good at dot connecting. I hope your son finds help, but even more I hope you find some solution to getting through to the end of your problem. As awful as it is, you must hang on with the damn state bureaucrats. They must be worn down and you must get your medical bills paid. Please do.

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  9. I am pretty good at connecting dots and figured who the most likely was. I am so sorry and I know it is a hideous burden without all of the other complications. I am so sorry you are having to wade through all the unnecessary $&*+ to get some help.

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  10. My heart aches for you! I remember when he was born. It seems the bureaucrats are determined to dissuade you by making it difficult. How outrageous! Victims like you are exactly who the bill was designed to help. Don't let them ground you down!

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  11. This upsets me so much. Is there not a State, City or Political Advocate to help you through the system ? There must be someone to help you.
    I wish I could be of more help to you.

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  12. This all sucks. I am so sorry you're required to continue to go through hell instead of receiving the support you deserve. If moral support gives you the strength to continue the fight, you've obviously got it.

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  13. Hi Janie - sounds a really frustrating process ... but it's one step forward and it will pass - keep that thought up front, as you process things. All the very best - Hilary

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  14. I'm so sorry, not just for the financial situation but because of your son and how he treats you. Nothing worse than knowing a relationship that should be loving isn't. I say this having been abused by my mother for years.

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  15. Governmental paper hoop jumping sucks so bad. Take a nap and keep plugging away. Yes--absolutely--you should not be the one who has to pay for all of this! Love and hugs, my friend.

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  16. What a nightmare. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. It's appalling how you're being treated. Has your son's case been adjudicated yet? Maybe they want to see a guilty plea or verdict before they accept that there's proof? (I'm not saying that's right, just wondering if that's part of the thinking.)

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  17. I'm so sorry about this whole awful mess, Janie. I wish I could give you a hug. Hang in there.

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  18. Bureaucracy rules. It's as if you wanted to be in this position, as if you're the guilty one. Sympathies.
    As for your son, I always think, there but for the grace of God go so many of us. I pray he finds a source of peace in his life.

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  19. The bureaucracy bullshit is one thing but their attitude toward you is another that you do not deserve nor do many others who call in. Canada is different and I could give you ideas where to turn but I simply have no idea how I could help and I want to so much. Domestic Violence is rampant and yet, so overlooked even though it is often talked about. The problem is most know about husband and wife abuse and child abuse but parent abuse is greatly overlooked as is elder abuse. Is there any Information Resource Centre that you can call? Here we can dial 211, give our province and city and they can tell us where to go for help and give us #'s. We also have our Ministry of Parliament whom we can contact and they often can speed things along to our benefit. We even can get 15 minute free legal advice even though that is not enough. I give you hugs from afar and am willing to listen if ever you wish to email me.

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  20. Oh I am so sorry. I pray that you will find the proper person to help you with this. My God, you must have been through hell for many years! Please know that people do care.

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  21. I am so sorry. Living with a person with an addiction-or even being on the outskirts of their lives- is life-altering. It leaves you feeling helpless and vulnerable. Praying for you!!!! xo Diana

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