Wednesday, February 10, 2021

THE NIGHTMARE

 Thunder. Penelope trembled.

Early morning Tuesday. I hadn't slept yet and wondered if I would sleep. Considered getting up but decided to stay in bed a little longer.

Suddenly, he was in my bedroom. I knew he had returned to kill me. 

I didn't know I was asleep. My fear, real.

I tried to distract him. I spoke to him and rubbed his back, which I could see clearly. Even the cyst at the top that he's had for years.

He spoke to me. I don't remember what he said. I wanted to reach for my phone to call for help, but I was tangled in the comforter and couldn't free my hands. 

He was menacing. 

Then  I saw myself outside––not in my own backyard but in my yard in Maryland, where we lived 20 years ago––and knew I was having a nightmare. 

Somehow I was safe after I got outside, but I don't remember how the dream concluded.

It's the first nightmare since the attack. I hope it's the last. 

I awoke late in the morning and felt tired and dispirited the rest of the day.

It will be better again. I will be better again.


24 comments:

  1. You WILL be better again. I hope sleep Wednesday night was much more kind.

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    1. When I woke up this morning, the sun was shining and everything was better. Today was a high-energy day.

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  2. I am so sorry that you had to face him again, even in a dream. I know you will be better, but it might take some time.

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    1. Thanks, Anne. I had nightmares about my ex-husband after I left, but they diminished over time and then disappeared. This will get better, too.

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  3. PTSD flashback nightmares suck -- may you never have another one. Hugs today, Janie.

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  4. Ugh. I hope this is part of the healing process and you never have to have a similar dream again.

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    1. I hope I don't have more, but if I do, I'll survive it. A nightmare isn't as bad as the reality of it was.

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  5. I do not like this but I guess it is to be expected, I hope you don't have too many of them

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    1. I think it is to be expected and they'll go away after a while.

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  6. I wish it didn't take so long to work through this.

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    1. Wouldn't it be nice to wave a magic wand and make it disappear?

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  7. We often work through our "stuff" in our dreams. I had nightmares for a couple of years after I was beaten and raped. It's terrifying...can hang over you for a while. I hope you don't have any more or if you do that they are few and quit soon. They suck. But it is a relief when you wake up and realize they are not happening. *love and hugs*

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  8. I'm so sorry. Nightmares are just awful, especially when based on a real life occurrence.
    Wishing you sweet dreams from here on out.

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  9. I'm so sorry. I do hope your nights are filled with the sweetest dreams.

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    1. Last night I dreamed about the dogs. That was sweet.

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  10. Oh, Janie. I'm so sorry. Sending you lots of hugs.

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  11. How awful, Janie! Sending you a big hug!

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