MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE?

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Thanks for riding out the little squall with me earlier today when some evil monster took over Maxwell's former blog and bombarded me with 44 posts. Once I knew the person had stolen the name "Misanthropy Chronicles," then I was able to stop following it and the 44 posts disappeared.

However, now that you're listening, I'd like to call your attention to some bloggers I love. You may not have heard of all of these people, but I hope you'll visit them, leave a comment, and perhaps even follow them.

First, Megan Adamson at Lady of Muse: On a typical day, Megan posts one of her beautiful poems with an appropriately lovely photo or drawing. I know Megan longs for more comments, so I ask that you give her some bloggy love.

Second, That corgi at A Bench's Notebook: Lovely Betty posts Bible verses and her thoughts about them. She's intelligent and insightful. Betty also answered a questions I had about Satan, and did so in a cogent manner. I'm impressed by this lady.

Third, Alex at The Life and Time of A. Nighbert: Alex is having a pretty sucky time of it right now. Please give her some tender loving care.

And last, but certainly not least, I urge you to check out loonysuse at Remote Appeal: I rarely leave Susie without a smile on my face.

Of course, please keep in mind that the ebook of Homeless In Hawaii by EC Stilson is now available at http://www.amazon.com/Homeless-Hawaii-The-Golden-ebook/dp/B00A9NGMLO. I thought the book itself would not be available until December 10th, but I just saw it in all its glory at http://www.amazon.com/Homeless-Hawaii-Volume-EC-Stilson/dp/1468157728/ref=tmm_pap_title_0.

Since Homeless In Hawaii is available, then it's time to finish my Christmas shopping! I've written a brief review of this book for Amazon, but I'll write a longer review here at my blog house. This book is a must read.

And now, I thank you for your kind attention and bid you a fond farewell.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

PHYSICAL HEALTH FOR KIDS IS GONE

Friends,

It turns out that Physical Health For Kids managed to take over Maxwell's former blog, Misanthropy Chronicles, although Maxwell had taken down his blog.

I went to Google Reader and the list of my followers, clicked on settings, and then clicked on stop following.

Physical Health For Kids and their 44 posts have disappeared from my blog roll.

Another headache gone!

Love,

Janie

SAVE ME FROM PHYSICAL HEALTH FOR KIDS

My Friends,

My blog seems to have been infiltrated by a blog called "Physical Health For Kids." I'm not putting a link here lest you should click on it and be caught in their web.

As I looked at my blog roll this afternoon, I saw Physical Health For Kids and thought, This is strange. I haven't signed up to follow anyone whose blog has this name.

And then I continued through my blog roll and found one post after another from Physical Health For Kids -- 44 posts, to be exact.

When I look at the blog, it has no contact information, no author, no nothing except post after post about kids.

I looked through the list of blogs I follow, and I recognized all the names.

I don't know how to get rid of Physical Health For Kids.

HELP!

Love,

Janie

PREPARING FOR CHRISTMAS WITH ELVIS AARON SCHWARZ

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Preparing for Christmas with Elvis Aaron Schwarz is like getting ready for the holiday with a small child.

What could be better? No one enjoys Christmas more than young children.

Elvis knows about one gift I'm giving him for Christmas because he put it on his Amazon wish list. After I told him I had seen the wish list, I mentioned he was getting a few other gifts -- just small things.

What are they? he asked.

I'm not telling you, I sputtered. They're surprises.

Brief pause.

How many are there? he asked.

I'm not telling you, I squealed. You have to wait and be surprised on Christmas.

Last year, I didn't feel very Christmasy. This year, the tree is up, it's partially decorated, and gifts are under it.

Elvis Aaron Schwarz has the spirit of Christmas every day.

This man makes me want to sing and dance and take off my clothes!

Ain't love grand?

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

ELVIS AARON SCHWARZ MAKES ME LAUGH

Yes, Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell, it's true. Elvis Aaron Schwarz makes me laugh. I'd even venture to say that I giggle hysterically when he's around.

Hi! Remember me?
I'm Elvis Aaron Schwarz.
I love to make my baby doll giggle.
Sometimes she laughs so hard I'm afraid she'll pee.

Elvis Aaron Schwarz has figured out that I'm ticklish. He's not foolish enough to grab me and tickle me, though. Oh, no. Not that sly devil. Instead he puts his arm around me ever so sweetly and then just flicks his fingers across one or two of my ribs. 

The tickling and the chosen method make me scream with laughter. Now all he has to do is move toward me and I go into paroxysms of giggles. I admit it's not very romantic behavior, but HE STARTED IT, MOM!

About ten days ago, Elvis Aaron Schwarz told me he was giving me a piece of jewelry for Christmas that would make my friends' eyes pop out. Wow, I thought, this must be some pretty nice jewelry. And I am a jewelry whore.

Then he showed up on Thanksgiving and said he'd had second thoughts about the jewelry. Figured he'd better show it to me before he bought it to make sure I would wear it.

Here's the item:

My friends' eyes would pop out all right. I can just hear Carol saying, What has gotten into you? First, pink and blue hair, and now crazy jewelry.

I laughed and told Elvis that I most definitely would not wear that necklace. When The Hurricane arrives for Christmas -- oh yeah, she'll be here this year -- she'll probably give Elvis lessons in junebug jewelry shopping. She picked out my marquis-cut amethyst ring, the one with REAL diamonds and no skull with FAKE diamonds. It's my favorite ring.

Elvis has the thought that counts deal going; he needs to learn the method.

Elvis Aaron Schwarz also knows exactly what to say to irritate me, which makes him laugh, and then I laugh. He insists that The Hurricane looks exactly like Chelsea Clinton.

Here's Chelsea Clinton.
She has a father who's a slut.

Here's The Hurricane (left) with her older and nicer sister.
She has a father who's a slut.
Any resemblance to Chelsea Clinton ends there.
But will Elvis Aaron Schwarz stop saying that The Hurricane looks like Chelsea?
Of course not.

Elvis Aaron Schwarz insists that when The Hurricane comes to town, he's going to meet her at the airport, holding up a piece of cardboard that says CHELSEA. Or better yet, he said enthusiastically, he would find some official looking person to tap her on the shoulder and say, Right this way, Miss Clinton.

These assertions on Elvis' part make me sputter and spit that no child of mine looks like Chelsea Clinton. Then Elvis becomes more insistent that, yes, she looks like Chelsea and he's going to call her Chelsea. We argue until I can't talk because I'm laughing so hard.

Last, but not least on the giggles list, is Elvis' Farts Are Fun Club.

Hi! Remember me?
I'm Elvis Aaron Schwarz.
This is what I look like when I convene a
meeting of the Farts Are Fun Club.
Man, farting makes my baby doll giggle.

When the Farts Are Fun Club holds a meeting, we're usually in bed. Elvis makes a motion to fart. I second the motion, and he lets loose. The meeting continues as he waves the covers up and down to blow the stench toward my face, which for some reason I don't understand, also makes me giggle hysterically.

What can I say? I'm just a giggler at heart.

When Elvis isn't calling me baby doll, then I'm his silly wabbit.

How can I not think this man is adorable?

Next time, I'll try to remember to tell you WHAT GETTING READY FOR CHRISTMAS WITH ELVIS AARON SCHWARZ is like.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

CYBER WHAT? MONDAY

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

So, who went shopping on Black Friday? I can't wait to hear about it.

As for me, I believe in the joy of Cyber Monday. Today's question is the following:

How much Christmas shopping do you do online and how much do you do in person? Or, do you simply say "the hell with it"?

I have reached my goal of doing 100 percent of my shopping online. But this year, I didn't even wait for Cyber Monday. I started watching for interesting Christmas presents a couple of months ago. I've gotten some great ideas from Groupon.

If you haven't heard of it yet, Groupon offers deals on jewelry, dining, clothes, toys -- all sorts of stuff. And it's partly customized for the area in which you live. I've gotten local restaurant deals from them a couple of times, including $20 worth of food for $10. For a restaurant groupon, you make the purchase from groupon and then print out a coupon type thingy and take it to the restaurant with you. Other purchases are usually online orders. Pick out what you want, and it arrives in the mail.

I have yet to be disappointed in a groupon purchase. Go to groupon.com to sign up for groupon deliveries. They send you emails with daily deals.

I also love shopping with Amazon.com. Did you know that you can buy an Amazon gift card for as little as 15 cents? Who gives a 15 cent gift card? I ask you.

Probably Dr. X.

The Grinch is much skinnier -- and nicer --
than Dr. X, whose heart has not grown to the size of
a real human being's.

Amazon also has an app now that allows you to put items from other sites on your Amazon wish list. If any of you would like to give me a present from my wish list, all you have to do is use the wish list search box and put in my email address, which is dumpedfirstwife@gmail.com, and you'll see what I want for Christmas.

Knock yourself out shoppin' for me. You'd better believe I'll say thank you.

Now, tell me, please, about your shopping habits:

How much Christmas shopping do you do online and how much do you do in person? Or, do you simply say "the hell with it"?

I really wanna know what you're up to. And I hope you had a nice Thanksgiving. I did. I sat on the deck and read a book and then Elvis Aaron Schwarz came by and I heated up some turkey and veggies that had been delivered by the Schwan's man, Craig. Craig is my Schwan's man. If you want to order from Schwan's at schwans.com, then you'll get your own Schwan's man for Christmas. 

And I hope your Schwan's man looks like Elvis Aaron Schwarz.

I want Elvis Aaron Schwarz for Christmas. Oh, hell yes.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

Please note that nobody paid me nothin' to say I buy stuff from these businesses. I actually buy from them and really and truly like them. 

I wish somebody would pay me, though. If you want to pay me, please let me know.

ALL THE BIGGEST BESTEST NEWS FROM DOGTOWN

Hi Everybuddy!

It's me me me me me me me. I'm me. I'm Franklin the Bordernese. I don't know what Bordernese means, but I know it's what I am and that it makes me beautiful and special. And I know that Franklin is my name. Yes! Me! I'm Franklin!

Sorry, but I don't feel like looking at the camera right now, but you
can still see the pretty colors of my fur. I'm black and white
and brindled on my back.

Mom said I could write The News From Dogtown cuz she still has mentalpaws and it makes her head hurt. She has a crystal glass and she's drinking whine. She said I couldn't have any because whine is just for moms who have mentalpaws.

The biggest, bestest news is that we have a new friend. He's come to see us twice. His name is elvisenronshorts.

It's funny, but the way elvisenronshorts looks changes all the time. Scout and Harper and I don't care what elvisenronshorts looks like, though. We're just happy cuz he likes doggies.

Scout even got to go to elvisenronshorts' house to meet his dog, Dixie. Scout said Dixie is real nice for a bitch. Scout and Dixie played chase and spin in circles. I wish I coulda gone, too. Maybe Mom will take me next time. I wanna play with Dixie.

The last time that elvisenronshorts came here, he stayed the whole night. He slept in the bedroom that used to be for Favorite Young Man. Harper and I got in bed with elvisenronshorts and cuddled him. He was very snuggly, I thought, but Harper said that elvisenronshorts is a cover hog. He said elvis rolled himself up in the covers and then every time he turned over he took the sheet and the blanket with him and Harper got cold. Harper would rather sleep with Mom, even though she's fussy with hot flashes, but I like to sleep with elvisenronshorts.

I've lived here with Mom and Harper and Scout for a little more than two years now. It's chilly and rainy outside right now. I'm glad I get to live in the nice cozy house, and Mom is good at putting kibble in our food bowls. Wow! When I was out on my own, I never knew that life could be this good.

Some more biggest, bestest news is that Mom's friends write books, and sometimes she helps a little bit. She's happy because our friend Peaches was here on our blog yesterday. Peaches wrote Day Laughs, Night Cries. You can buy it at amazon at http://www.amazon.com/Day-Laughs-Night-Cries-Fifteen/dp/0988405407.

Mom is also excited because our friend Elisa has a new book that will be available soon. It's called Homeless In Hawaii.

 I already called dibs to be the first doggie to read this book.

We wish we could meet Elisa. She's real pretty. Mom talks to Elisa on the phone and she says, You is smart. You is kind. You is a good person.

We don't know what in the hell happens to Mom's grammar when she talks on the phone to Elisa.

That's Elisa on the right.
We're not sure who the girl on the left is,
but she looks kinda familiar.
She looks a little bit like Mom.

Mom says that Thanksgiving is next week and that she's glad it's early this year because it gives her a head start on her holiday depression. It's a good thing Mom has us to cheer her up. We'll give her lots of hugs and kisses and cuddles. As soon as I finish typing, I'm going to sit next to Mom and we'll read a book together.

I love you a whole bunch, Everybuddy. Elisa, we hope The Zombie Elf is okay. We wish we could kiss him till he's better.

I love you! I love you lots! That's all The News From Dogtown.

Love,

Franklin and the Z-Boys

DAY LAUGHS, NIGHT CRIES: FIFTEEN -- ESCAPE

Welcome, Peaches D. Ledwidge. This is Peaches’ first stop on her 10-day blog tour. I had the honor of being one of the early readers of Peaches Ledwidge’s memoir, Day Laughs, Night Cries: Fifteen. I pored over each page with fascination as I traveled through time with Peaches from her earliest memories of her childhood, through her difficult adolescence, and finally, to young womanhood.

The memoir enthralled me, but I especially loved Peaches’ writing style. She rocks and rolls to the beat of a Jamaican drum, even when night falls and brings its terrors.

I was one of the copy editors for this book. I’m very proud to have had a small part in this accomplished work. I look forward to more great writing from Peaches Ledwidge.

========

Janie, thanks for hosting me. Readers, thanks in advance for taking the time to read this post. My tour is theme based. Readers, you are privy to the first excerpt posted anywhere on the Internet. Here is a glimpse into the theme of escape.

Fifteen-year-old female has just escaped. She stands five feet six inches. Weighs about 110 pounds. Has a straight nose. Small, evil eyes. Massive jawbones, according to an unnamed source. Normal ears. Fingers long enough to play guitar or piano.

She has a scar on her forehead, but sometimes she covers it with her long hair, which she usually combs back in a ponytail. Medium-brown complexion. Not so bad looking.

She has pimples, mainly on her forehead. Also some brown spots, a result of her picking the pimples. The pimples are not contagious. But, according to another unnamed source, she has been quarantined at home – after her escape.

We don’t know the reason for her escape. What we do know is that this is her second escape. She may have an accomplice. It might be more difficult to catch her a second time. This teenager, according to her Mama and her former friends, is cunning and evil, with strong hatred in her heart.

Do not approach her. Call the police if you see her. She could kill.

Please join me on my tour. Please see my blog to know my next stop as you tune in for my next theme-based post. For everyone who leaves a comment, your name will be entered into a raffle and if picked, you will be eligible for a Day Laughs, Night Cries t-shirt and a tote bag (see my Blog). Please ensure that we can reach you.

For more information, please click on the links below.

Peaches D. Ledwidge

Day Laughs, Night Cries: Fifteen - Trailer

Blog

Amazon

Twitter

Facebook - Like the page

Thanks again and see you at my next stop.

MISS CONCEPTION

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

The Hurricane has a new nickname -- Miss Conception. Every time I tell this anecdote I start to laugh so hard that my speech becomes incomprehensible, so if you have difficulty reading my writing, it's because I'm laughing so hard.

Miss Conception was listening to the president's victory speech, following the election, obviously. President Obama said that we want out children to grow up in an America that's "not threatened by the destructive power of a warming planet."

Miss Conception thought he said, "not threatened by the destructive power of a Mormon planet."

I thought that was hilarious.

The big news from Favorite Young Man and Little Chick is that President Jimmy Carter now lives with them. No, his wife didn't kick him out.

Actually, it would be pretty funny if she finally became so angry about his comment to "Playboy" so many years ago that he lusted after women in his heart that she said, Jimmy, Get the hell outa my bed. So he had to move in with FYM and LC.

However, President Jimmy Carter is, in fact, a stray cat who now makes his home with my animal loving children.

I think Little Chick and President Jimmy Carter make a beautiful couple. Fortunately, their dogs seem to find that having a president in their midst is not such a bad thing. 

Reminder: Peaches Ledwidge in my bloghouse on Wednesday. She starts her blog tour here to promote the release of her memoir, Day Laughs, Night Cries. Don't miss out on this special appearance by Peaches!

And please click on my ads. If you keep it up, I might actually earn enough money to put a lump of coal in my Christmas stocking.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

A LITTLE BREAK

My Friends,

I need to take a short break from blogging. I have a big editing job to do, so please be happy for me. I love to work, especially when the work is editing.

I have some good news for you. Next week on Wednesday (one week from today) our lovely friend Peaches Ledwidge will make the first stop on her book blog tour here at my house. She'll tell you about her excellent new book, Day Laughs, Night Cries.

You can order the book from amazon at the following link: http://www.amazon.com/Day-Laughs-Night-Cries-Fifteen/dp/0988405407


Peaches blogs at Conceive Writing.

God bless you, Peaches. Congratulations and best wishes.

While I take my break, everyone please feel free to continue visiting and click on the ads on my blog.
I need every penny I can get to support worthy charities and buy some Christmas gifts for my family! I didn't give gifts last year because I was as poor as a church mouse, so I'd really like to give gifts this year, even if they're small ones.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

IT ISSSSS DECLINED!

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Back in olden times when I had some money to spend, I visited a very chic shop in Maryland, where I tried on a beautiful pair of black velvet pants. They fit perfectly, so I went to the register to pay for them.

I knew there would be a problem as soon as I saw the woman working at the cash register. I had encountered her before. She was an older German lady with a very strong accent. I'm quite positive she was a member of the SS during World War II.

Magda was always perfectly dressed, coiffed, and nasty.

She looked down her Aryan nose at me as I presented her with the pants and my credit card.

She ran my card through the machine and shouted for everyone in the store to hear, IT ISSSSSSS DECLINED!

It can't possibly be declined, I said politely. I pay my bill every month.

Nevertheless, IT ISSSSS DECLINED! Magda screeched yet again.

I didn't know what to do. If I slinked out of the store with my tail between my legs, would it look as if my card really wasn't any good? Embarrassed, I dug my check book out of my purse and paid for the pants.

When I got home, I called my credit card company. The company representative told me immediately that my card shouldn't have been declined. Then she investigated to find out what was wrong.

It seemed Magda had put in the wrong code when she ran my card through the machine. She didn't know her very own code.

I called the store owner and told her how Magda had embarrassed me and what she had done wrong. She said, Believe me. I've heard if before. I'll have her call you to apologize.

Magda called and said immediately, I apologizzzzzze, but I don't know vy. I didn't do anything wrong.

I hung up and never went back to that store.

I don't know why Magda kept her job there, but perhaps she threatened the owner with whips and chains. Before long, the store went out of business.

What a shame that a nice shop seemed to be held hostage by one rude employee.

The good news is that I loved those pants. They were very comfortable, and I wore them for years.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

PLEASE VOTE

DECISION 2012

Gentle Readers .  .  . and Maxwell,

My dear friend Carol sent me the following email. I ask you to consider it before you cast your vote.

Mad At The President......................for What? Now, since Obama's regime, all of a sudden, folks have gotten mad, and want to take America Back... BACK TO WHAT or WHERE is my question? I am voting for PRESIDENT OBAMA no matter what. He should get 8 years in term, because he IS CHANGING America and we all know why THEY don't like it! If Obama wasn't Black, they would be praising and thanking him. After The 8 Years Of The Bush/Cheney Disaster, Now You Get Mad? You didn't get mad when the Supreme Court stopped a legal recount and appointed a President. You didn't get mad when Cheney allowed Energy company officials to dictate Energy policy and push us to invade Iraq. You didn't get mad when we illegally invaded a country that posed no threat to us. You didn't get mad when we spent over 800 billion (and counting) on said illegal war. You didn't get mad when Bush borrowed more money from foreign sources than the previous 42 Presidents combined. You didn't get mad when over 10 billion dollars in cash just disappeared in Iraq. You didn't get mad when Bush embraced trade and outsourcing policies that shipped 6 million American jobs out of the country. You didn't get mad when they didn't catch Bin Laden. You didn't get mad when Bush rang up 10 trillion dollars in combined budget and current account deficits. You didn't get mad when you saw the horrible conditions at Walter Reed. You didn't get mad when we let a major US city, New Orleans, drown. You didn't get mad when we gave people who had more money than they could spend, the 1%, over a trillion dollars in tax breaks. You didn't get mad with the worst 8 years of job creations in several decades. You didn't get mad when over 200,000 US Citizens lost their lives because they had no health insurance. You didn't get mad when lack of oversight and regulations from the Bush Administration caused US Citizens to lose 12 trillion dollars in investments, retirement, and home values. You finally got mad when a black man was elected President and decided that people in America deserved the right to see a doctor if they are sick. Yes, illegal wars, lies, corruption, torture, job losses by the millions, stealing your tax dollars to make the rich richer, and the worst economic disaster since 1929 are all okay with you, but helping fellow Americans who are sick... Oh, Hell to the No! PLEEEASE----circulate this everywhere---people need to be reminded!!!! 2012 is a good year for them to remember! Let's get as passionate about re-electing our  wonderful hard working President Obama as we were when we got him elected! Don't get complacent and don't take for granted he will easily be back in office. Let's all get busy starting the work today!!!! Give this MAN credit where credit is due. Black folks stop thinking just because we have a Black President that you were entitled to something without working for it! (Did you think because we got a Black President 4 years ago, you were going to get a check in the mail for $100k or something, maybe the 40 acres and a mule...come on....get real!) Make a difference Get educated, stop complaining and get back on track to preserving our race and represent like The Obamas. Do your part! VOTE Obama 2012. Spread the word. We have to get out and VOTE like we did 4 years ago...if we want to keep the Obama in office. Dont think for one minute that your Vote doesn't count! ??? Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity ??? ~ Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. --  "Change does not roll in on the wheels of inevitability, but comes through continuous struggle. And so we must straighten our backs and work for our freedom. A man can't ride you unless your back is bent." Martin Luther King, Jr.

MOVIE MOVIE WEEKEND

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I have two fine selections for you today, and the second is the sequel to the first.

We are Jude Law and Robert Downey, Jr.
We know we aren't as hot as Elvis Aaron Schwarz,
yet Janie seems to enjoy gazing upon us.

Now that you've seen the photo, perhaps you've guessed that the films are

Sherlock Holmes (2009)

AND

Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows  (2011)

Both movies are available on DVD and are quite enjoyable. I love the stylish moves by the actors, the period costumes, the sharp editing, the total look of the films, and taking the time to inspect Robert Downey, Jr. and Jude Law. Well done, Director Guy Ritchie!

Even the musical score sounds mysterious, yet whimsical. I love the presentation of these films. The main characters are brilliant, yet amusing. The plots are fun, but intricate enough that I had to pay attention to know what was going on.

Poor Dr. Watson (Jude Law). In the first movie, he tries to get married but never quite makes it because he must assist Sherlock. In the second movie, Watson marries, but he ends up taking his "honeymoon" trip with Holmes, who never misses a clue.


Madam Simza Heron: What do you see? 
Sherlock Holmes: Everything. That is my curse. 

These two films have The Janie Junebug Seal of Approval.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

Crazy world: I need help

Dear Friends,

Please click on the link to Melynda's post. She is offering special autographed books for sale in order to help a women's center. She provides Christmas gifts for the women living in the shelter. I think this is a great cause, and I urge you to purchase her excellent and very funny books. You'll be serving as Santa at the same time, which means you get to have milk and cookies.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

P.S. I bought five books. They'll make great Christmas gifts. I challenge you to purchase at least one, and I hope you can buy more!


Here's the beginning of the post with the link:

Crazy world: I need help: Hi everyone! This is a bad eye day so it's gonna be a short one. I think... Anyway, every year about this time I start working for my caus...

FOR SALE: RED SHOES, WORN ONCE

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I once had a pair of red shoes I loved. They were the most expensive shoes I've ever owned (though they cost less than $100). I bought them at Nordstrom's.

Similar to these but those are not my feet.
so don't get yourself all worked up,
foot fetishists.

Not long after I became a newspaper editor, I wore the red shoes to work with a navy blue dress. I looked goooooood.

But apparently the red shoes looked a little too good.

As I walked across the office toward the publisher's desk, I noticed he was staring at something, and that something was my feet in the red shoes. I swear he was undressing my feet!

"I've always loved red shoes," he crooned as I approached.

I felt naked. Harassed. Grossed out.

But I could see in his eyes that he didn't want to suck on my toes. No, he wanted to kiss and fondle the shoes. Is there such a thing as shoe porn?

And it wasn't my fault. They were just red shoes.

I didn't like the stare, so I never wore the red shoes again.

I think they're in the back of my closet. I'll wear them again when I'm so old that no one cares if I have red shoes or no shoes at all.

Infinities of red shoe love,

Janie Junebug