Wednesday, April 24, 2019

YOU DON'T HAVE TO HOLD UP THE BABY!

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I wish someone would explain to the Duchess of Sussex that she doesn't need to hold the baby up all the time.



Megs, darling, hasn't anyone explained to you that the baby won't just fall out in between your legs and land on his or her royal head?


Are you confused about how babies are born, or is "cradling the bump" a sign that you'll be one of those super clingy mothers who breast feeds until the kid is ten and follows him (or her) around the playground constantly to make sure no royal knees get scraped? Will you be cradling that very large baby when it's time to go to college? If you are, I assure you, your child will be desperate to escape.


Listen to me, Dear Duchess: you only need to hold onto the baby if your water breaks while you have a sudden, mighty contraction, and Harry lies on his back, looks between your legs and says, OH MY GOD! I CAN SEE THE HEAD AND YES, THE HAIR IS RED! (that will be followed by a sigh of relief on Harry's part because he'll be sure that he really is the baby daddy and you did not sneak off for a nookie night with older brother William but Harry's suspicion is the cause of this falling out that William and Harry have allegedly had and then Harry will rush into his brother's arms and shout WHAT A FOOL I'VE BEEN. YOU'RE THE BEST BROTHER IN THE WORLD AND I'LL NEVER COMPLAIN AGAIN ABOUT GIVING YOU MUMMY'S ENGAGEMENT RING FOR KATE.)

If all of that happens, Duchess of Sussex, then you should hold onto the baby until someone is ready to catch that right royal rug rat.

But for now, please let go. The baby will stay in place until you have serious contractions and start acting out your birth plan, whatever it is.

And although I think the Duchess of Cambridge is lovely, please don't go out wearing full make-up and high heels to show off the baby ten minutes after the birth. It makes all the other women of the world feel inadequate. Or even more inadequate than usual.

Let go.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

58 comments:

  1. Fortunately I believe that the Duchess has already announced that she will not be making any public appearances immediately after the sprog appears. For which she will be criticised. They really can't win.

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    1. It's hard to be criticized no matter what you do.

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  2. I always wondered why she does that ?
    I held my baby bump sometimes when I was just about to deliver but her bump is the size of a Pea. I think it is because of the fact she works so hard to be ultra thin sh wants everyone to know that this bump is a baby and not a cheeseburger and fry she had for lunch .... Just saying

    cheers, parsnip

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    1. Ah, so she might be worried that people think it's a food baby?

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  3. By Boy #4 I had stretched the ligaments in the lower uterus (or some such thing...it's been a while!) and I often clutched the belly to support it. I can't imagine that's the problem with a first baby...things are usually still tight and in good working condition. LOL

    Is that what the feud is about? It's a sad situation to see them fuss with each other. As the mother of boys, nothing would make me sadder than a split between my boys. Personally, I think Kate deserves Diana's ring. William made it to the altar first.

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    1. I don't know that there's really any feud between William and Harry. I see news stories all the time about feuds between the brothers and the two duchesses. It's probably all a fantasy. As far as I know, Harry gave the ring to William willingly.

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  4. Rather charming, I think. making sure we all know where to look.

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    1. I think we know where to look without her holding on to herself.

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  5. Hi Janie - I suspect she was constantly being asked how her bump was getting along ... still it'll be over soon - cheers Hilary

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    1. I hope they'll have a very happy family life.

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  6. So funny. I didn't know she was doing that. Looks like pre-birth cuddles...got to be constantly touching it. You may be right about the clingy mother bit. ;)

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    1. I never held onto my belly when I was pregnant other than to feel the baby kick.

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  7. I haven't been paying attention to Royalty, but this is a funny post. I actually thought it was going to be about a trend that all prego moms are doing these days. I was looking at my nieces baby shower pics on FB and noticed that a friend of hers was doing this in every photo. It really bothered me for some reason.

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    1. Maybe it is a trend or a fad. I've only seen photos of her and she always seems to have her arms around the baby.

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  8. Every photo I see of Meghan she's holding her bump, it's really irritating. But I have no interest in the baby or the Royal family.

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    1. I admire the young royals good works for charity and especially like that they speak up about helping people with mental illnesses. I wouldn't say that I'm an avid royal watcher, but everywhere I look I see a photo of her with at least one arm holding the baby. I don't get it.

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  9. She's ready to pop any day now, I believe!

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    Replies
    1. Yes, and then the baby really will be in her arms.

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  10. I thought I was the only one who saw this and had my eyes rolling. She really wants to make sure that everyone sees she is pregnant and “loving” it. I am not convinced this gal is the nicest gal on the royal block. I think she rules the roost.

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  11. I think it's her business where she puts her hands. She's no longer young, this is her first child, holding her bump may just be a sign of love. I fail to understand how this can be irritating to anyone.

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    1. It's interesting, I think, that having a baby in one's late thirties is no longer that unusual. Women are having babies well into their forties. I'm glad I had my children when I was young.

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  12. Maybe she's trying to be a loving mom, albeit a bit early, by hugging her child as much as possible? Who knows.

    Great post. I've never heard of anyone else noticing this.

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    1. I'm definitely not the only one to notice it. Many photo captions mention that she's cradling the bump.

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  13. This seems to be a trend the last five to ten years; it started about the time women stopped wearing tent-like maternity clothing. I think it's supposed to have something to do with being proud of being pregnant and not hiding it.

    And like other trends I do find it an affectation that makes me want to roll my eyes. That's probably not very charitable of me. But just as piercings and tattoos are a way for the young 'uns to distinguish themselves from the generation before, so is bump cradling. Eventually there will be something new, and the current "in" generation will roll their eyes in their turn.

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    1. Some of the older ladies I know (even older than I am) are offended by young women wearing clothes that let the pregnant belly hang out. I don't see any point in being upset by trends among young people unless they're harmful.

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  14. This is a delightful post, Janie. I tend to think of her as hugging her baby. I'd probably do the same thing. Have a good one!

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    1. I thought it was funny to imagine her believing that the baby might fall out if she doesn't hold on. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

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  15. That Meghan is a piece of work. 'Nuff said.

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  16. I am howling with laughter over this! Like you, I am puzzled as to why she keeps holding her belly. Perhaps she did this in the early days of pregnancy, someone criticized her for it and then she just thought, oh heck, I'll do it from now on!!! Taking the piss, I think the Brita say.

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    1. Some other people who commented suggested that cradling the bump has become a "thing" with young women. I don't know, but I'm glad you got a laugh from it.

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  17. You are hilarious! Let go, Megs. Janie knows what she's talking about. When baby breaks out, you'll wish you'd have let go while you could.
    Love ya.

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    1. I wish my kids would have just fallen out of me.

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  18. You are not the only one who thinks stop holding your belly we know there is a baby stop drawing attention to it and while your at it stop causing problems between the boys

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    1. I hope these stories about William and Harry having a falling out over Meghan are not true.

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  19. Janie, if you're on Instagram, you MUST go check out Gary Janetti. He's brilliant! It's a snarky, funny take on the royal family as seen through the eyes of young Prince George. Hilarious. You'll thank me, I promise!

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    1. If you're not on Instagram, and you just google it, then be sure and click on each photo for what George "says". hahahah. I just went and looked and laughed out loud, again. :)

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    2. I'm not on Instagram, but I shall Google Gary. Thank you.

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  20. Killing myself laughing, over here! ☺ The whole thing is pretty ridiculous, for sure. You have a great future as a comedy writer, Janie.

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    1. I think my great future is more likely to be a doddering old person.

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    2. Doddering old people can still write and also be funny! ☺

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  21. Oh Janie. I laughed so hard reading this. I really needed it. Thank you. The part about the baby falling out... Oh geez, here i go laughing again😂🤣😆

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  22. HAHAHA! Thanks for the smile :) It is kind of silly. But I also wonder if there's some type of anxiety here. Maybe it's a way to calm herself down, especially when dealing with the media.

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    1. As an actress I thought she'd be accustomed to the media, but I suppose nothing can prepare a person to join that family.

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  23. Oh, fer hevvins sake!! Leave the poor woman alone! She is a first time Mum, and likely scared about that ~ Plus she is having to deal with all the stress from the media ~ Cut the poor woman some slack! She is entitled to whatever behavior that makes her comfortable! Who are you to judge?!?!

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    1. It's all in good fun. Don't get your panties in a wad. Meghan certainly isn't going to read my little blog.

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  25. She's probably so stunned that there's a little person growing in there, she can't help herself. (I think I MIGHT have been the same way with baby #1.) But I sure as heck didn't wear any high heels when I was pregnant. My feet were so swollen, I was lucky to get them into a pair of flip-flops.

    Funny post, lady!

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  26. all the famous preggos seem to do it now. I have no idea why. LOL and yes, I'm back to blogging but at my old blogger site: https://agentlebreeeze.blogspot.com/

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  27. I just sent her a memo.

    "Megs, darling, hasn't anyone explained to you that the baby won't just fall out in between your legs and land on his or her royal head?" That's so funny.

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    1. P.S. I think they're trying to con us into thinking they're kind and protective.

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  28. I have been annoyed with her holding onto her stomach from day1. She does everything for the camera.

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  29. You're so right! She did keep holding the baby up. At least it's out now, so she need no longer do so.

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  30. Just checking in, Janie! I hope all is well with you!

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