Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,
I wish someone would explain to the Duchess of Sussex that she doesn't need to hold the baby up all the time.
Megs, darling, hasn't anyone explained to you that the baby won't just fall out in between your legs and land on his or her royal head?
Are you confused about how babies are born, or is "cradling the bump" a sign that you'll be one of those super clingy mothers who breast feeds until the kid is ten and follows him (or her) around the playground constantly to make sure no royal knees get scraped? Will you be cradling that very large baby when it's time to go to college? If you are, I assure you, your child will be desperate to escape.
Listen to me, Dear Duchess: you only need to hold onto the baby if your water breaks while you have a sudden, mighty contraction, and Harry lies on his back, looks between your legs and says, OH MY GOD! I CAN SEE THE HEAD AND YES, THE HAIR IS RED! (that will be followed by a sigh of relief on Harry's part because he'll be sure that he really is the baby daddy and you did not sneak off for a nookie night with older brother William but Harry's suspicion is the cause of this falling out that William and Harry have allegedly had and then Harry will rush into his brother's arms and shout WHAT A FOOL I'VE BEEN. YOU'RE THE BEST BROTHER IN THE WORLD AND I'LL NEVER COMPLAIN AGAIN ABOUT GIVING YOU MUMMY'S ENGAGEMENT RING FOR KATE.)
If all of that happens, Duchess of Sussex, then you should hold onto the baby until someone is ready to catch that right royal rug rat.
But for now, please let go. The baby will stay in place until you have serious contractions and start acting out your birth plan, whatever it is.
And although I think the Duchess of Cambridge is lovely, please don't go out wearing full make-up and high heels to show off the baby ten minutes after the birth. It makes all the other women of the world feel inadequate. Or even more inadequate than usual.
Infinities of love,