Saturday, December 24, 2016


'Twas the night before Christmas
and all through the palace
not a creature was stirring
with intent of malice.
Franklin, Penelope, and Stella
were crapped out in bed
while visions of chew toys
danced in their heads.

Willy Dunne Wooters
checked out the college football scores
when Queen Junebug got out the
Chicago Manual of Style Sixteenth Edition
and turned into a bore.

Cut back on your adverbs, she shouted ever so loudly.
Use stronger verbs.
Vary your sentence structures.
Vary your words.
Know the difference between farther and further.
Don't "sing" like Fred Durst.
If you're British, it's towards.
For Americans, toward.
It's is it is.
Alright it is not.

Read a good book.
Check punctuation.
Use ellipsis correctly,
and she'll stop belly achin'.

When you have a question,
call on Your Queen of Grammar, please.
Need help with peak, peek, and pique?
She's here for your dictionarial needs.

Chicago prefers 4:21 p.m.,
but your Junebug is tired.
She's ready to remove her crown.
It's mashed down her golden tresses,
and left her with a frown.

But the DVD from Netflix
is sure to make her smile.
It's Florence Foster Jenkins!
She's wanted to see this for a while.

So where will we be at this time next year?
We don't wish to be anyplace but here
with you Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,
we're all right.

Infinities of love can never be depleted.
We wish you a good night.


  1. Merry Christmas to you, Willie Dunne Wooters & your furry friends!!

  2. HAHA! Such fun. You are a goofball. I like it!
    Merry Christmas!

    1. A goofball is definitely what I am. It makes me happy.

  3. You are so awesome! Merry Christmas!!!!

  4. All right, then, this was fabulously fun and silly. I do kinda feel for your loved ones at this time, though.
    Merry Christmas, love.

  5. Hahahahaha! Guess we both took a page from Clement C. (you did it better, more well if you will-hahahahaha)

  6. Wishing you a very Merry Christmas.

  7. Replies
    1. Merry Christmas! Get out of the kitchen (unless you're cooking for me).

  8. Such talent...Merry Christmas.

  9. I am just now coming up for air from being immersed in "all things Christmas". That is a very funny poem. I always worry a bit, though, as I play fast and loose with, verbiage, grammar and punctuation, it probably makes you nuts.

    I hope you and Willie Dunne Wooters had a marvelous Christmas.


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