Monday, June 13, 2016

GOD SAVE THE QUEEN . . . FROM HER HORRID GREEN SUIT

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Queen Elizabeth II celebrated her 90th birthday over the weekend. She was really born in April, but at age 90 she can be told she was born in June and she says, Oh, lovely. Cake!





 It was quite the celebration. The royals spent a lot of time showing off on a balcony. In this photo, the Queen holds up her hand to indicate that her subjects must rise up to protect her because Voldemort can be seen just behind her shoulder. Prince Charles looks up, wondering if the old lady will ever die so he can have his turn. He also thinks that if he doesn't look at Voldemort, then he can't be expected to help his mommy.


 In this shot, poor little Prince George claps his hand to his head as he wonders, Do I really have to do this shit for the rest of my life?


Here, Charles looks at his grandson and wonders if that damn little boy will get the throne before his grandpa.



A whole big bunch of Royals. That's Camilla in the big white hat. She wears it to try to hide because she knows I always call her horse face (a horse's face looks great on a horse but not so much on a person). And why are they all looking up? Maybe because it rained. The people down below had their umbrellas taken away from them by security guards. Probably afraid the loyal subjects would poke royals in the butt with their brollies during a walkabout. 



Oh, dear. One of the guardsmen fainted. And he seems to have eyes in the back of his head. He must be a mom.



At least he provided Her Majesty with a spot to cop a squat.



But Tin Lizzie did not like this guy grabbing her attention, so she got rid of him. Good shot, ma'am!


As the unemployed, the elderly, and the sick became restless during Queenie's celebration, she finally called out, Let them eat cake! 

Then she realized who was accused of saying those words long ago and asked for a do-over. 



Prince Harry thinks, I'll never have to work a day in my life, but I'm still rich as fuck.



To make our Monday brighter, let's look at a better photo of Harry. Oh, yeah. Harry.


Happy Birthday, Your Majesty! May you have many more because no one wants Charles to be king except Charles. Oh, Lord, if Queen Elizabeth dies, we'll have to look at horse-faced constipated Camilla more often.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug


I hope I haven't offended my British friends. After the tragedy in the U.S., I thought we could use a bit of a larf.

37 comments:

  1. Hi Janie - I was a bit 'surprised' ... but that's fine - there's not a lot one can say about the horrors in Orlando, so many desperate families this morning.

    Thanks for commenting over at my blog ... I have been busy all weekend - so haven't seen much of what was going on re the Royal Family.

    With thoughts and more for all Americans with yet another tragedy to contend with ... Hilary

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    1. In reality, I admire the Royal Family. It seemed a good opportunity to be lighthearted. I don't ever want to offend you. The great tragedy occurred in my state, but what does it matter? It could have happened anywhere. I want the violence and hatred to end, but I suppose that's true of every generation at some point. I grew up with the Vietnam War.

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    2. Apparently the leading hashtag in Britain over the weekend was #NeonAt90! Well, at least it makes her easy to pick out in a crowd and not to mention, that sea of endless red uniforms.

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    3. I think she wore it so people could see her. It's kind of like the way some entertainers used to wear white suits on stage in a stadium. Maybe some still do, but now we have the giant screens (are they called jumbo trons?) so we can see the person of importance in the distance but up close and personal on the screen.

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  2. That is an unfortunate color. She looks like a NASCAR driver.

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    1. HA! I didn't think of that. The rest of the royals are her crew? She has always driven herself around quite a bit, though I don't know if she still does.

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  3. Very funny post. I literally laughed out loud at some of the wisecracks. I probably pissed off a few people in the library, but they're usually a loud group anyway.

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  4. I love that color of green, but not for a suit. Your descriptions of what's "happening" in the pictures made me laugh.

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    1. I'm glad you laughed. I see my own version of the truth.

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  5. The Royal Birthday Parody was funny and we do need a chuckle today.

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    1. Yes, indeed we do. I don't want to turn on the TV to hear more "news" and speculation and anger. It's enough that I know what happened, and it could have happened anywhere. I'm waiting for someone to say it's God's punishment on gay people. Help me, Lord, before I slap someone.

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  6. You are right to go the light hearted route due to that horrendous act in Orlando. When I saw Queenie's outfit I thought someone coloured it with a green highlighter. I wonder how Camilla counts to 10?? You know, at least Charlie is happy and so is she. Maybe the royal party are being rained upon by tons of pidgeons...just a wonderin.

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    1. I didn't think of pigeons. That would be quite the mess. Camilla counts to two--very slowly. I think she and Charles are happy together, but if he wanted her so badly he should have married her before she got sick of waiting and married someone else. I've never forgotten his phone call to her about wanting to be her tampon. That's his idea of sexy and romantic? Some things once heard cannot be forgotten. Ugh!

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  7. wahahahahahahahaha yes I like hahahahahahahaahahahno oo wait i can talkwhahahahahaha umm hahahahahahah opps hahahahahahahah wow that is green I woulhahahahahahah no no no hahahahahaah
    ok that's it hahahahaha

    cheers, parsnip and the hamish
    hahahahahahaaa

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    1. Now that's a great comment. Please kiss thehamish for us.

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  8. I agree with you about Camilla, and I call her the same thing. I admire some of the royal family but not Charles, and definitely not Camilla, I do blame him for what happened to Diana. I still admire the Queen, and the younger royals (William and his family). And when you're 90 you can wear what you bloody well want, don't you think? Your captions were funny!

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    1. I think she wore the green so she could be seen from a distance. Queen Elizabeth has her good points, and I'm very fond of William, Kate, and their children. Harry should marry my daughter. Then they could have red-haired children together. Besides, the royals used to marry their cousins all the time, and my kids are (very) distant cousins to William and Harry. It's time for the royal family to have an American! Seriously, I'm glad that William and Harry have taken on the mantle of service that their mother taught them.

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  9. I am laughing and laughing and laughing!! Oh wait. I am still laughing!!

    -andi

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    1. I hope you're not at work and peeing on the floor. I guess you can say you spilled your lemonade.

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  10. Thanks for the larf (?) Although I thought the Queen looked pretty in her green outfit.

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    1. I think the Queen has beautiful hair, and her face looks lovely, especially when she smiles. I hope I'm that active at ninety. I believe her looks and health are at least in part a testament to her not smoking, although she's certainly breathed in a lot of secondhand smoke during her life. Her father and sister were very heavy smokers.

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  11. That poor guard that passed out...that hat must just be hotter than hell.

    Seems that the big hats are standard fair within the upper echelon of Royals. Some such as Kate look quite pretty I think. As for the Queen...I think the old girl is looking quite well for 90. Doesn't look like she is going anywhere anytime soon. As for Charles...how do the Brits feel about him these days? I am not keeping up on my British Royalty gossip magazines. We have enough going on in our crazy, broken government that I don't keep up with anyone elses.

    I think maybe they should just rethink the whole succession rules and give the kingdom to Harry. I would start watching BBC news daily. In the 2nd picture he is quite cute. Funny line about not having to work and still being rich. Totally true of the whole monarchy. I wouldn't of minded being born into Royalty. Doesn't seem like it requires much effort.

    I think you are quite right about all of us needing some humor right now. The Orlando shootings are so horrific and this ongoing violence is beyond tragic.

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    1. Those hats are made of bearskin. I can't begin to imagine how heavy and hot they are. Those men stood perfectly still for a long time. I'm surprised only one passed out. Kate always looks beautiful. I think she and William are a lovely couple. Their children are cute as can be. The Queen does very well for ninety. Her mother lived to one hundred one. The Queen might break the Queen Mum's record. I wonder which member of the family has lived the longest. I don't think there's as much animosity against Charles now. People are probably glad he settled down with Camilla. Maybe he's not caught saying as many stupid things as he did in the past. It will be fine with me when William is on the throne, though I hope the first brother hangs around a lot. I admire William, Kate, and Harry's charity work tremendously.

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  12. Why do you need a laugh after the terrible slaughter in Orlando? How shallow you all are and what snide and unpleasant remarks. You post was in poor taste.

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    1. If you don't like my blog, then don't come here.

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  13. I thought it was funny, especially the parts about Prince George and Prince Harry! :)

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    1. Little Prince George is cute as can be and Big Prince Harry is cute as can be.

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  14. Rick said she looked like a NASCAR driver. I think she looked more like his car!!

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  15. Thanks for the "larf." I needed it after being deadened by the horrific attack in Orlando. I can't fathom how anyone could do something like that. I live in Aurora, Colorado, so I understand something of what the people of Orlando are feeling. As for the Royal Family, well I'm Canadian and grew up with their photos in the homes of both of my grandmothers and several of my great aunts. I' remember some of them practicing curtsies before going to royal garden parties. I have an irrational love and respect for them, but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy a good laugh! Take care!

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    1. I'm as American as can be, but I think the royal family is wonderful--for the most part. A laugh breaks the tension and sometimes eases depression. I didn't realize you live in Aurora. How awful. That was a terrible tragedy. We're about two and a half hours from Orlando. One of my son's friends was a block away from the club. My son says the friend wrote a text that's been picked up by a lot of news agencies. I'm curious to see what it says. I thank God that he wasn't hurt, but what of all those who were? How do their families deal with the heartbreak of deaths and terrible injuries? Is there any recovery? What have you found to occur since the terrible shooting in Aurora? I think there are some things we just don't get over. Maybe that's why I'm perpetually depressed. If I didn't find something to laugh at, I don't think I could stand it.

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    2. I think that people closely touched by such tragedies never really get over them; something fundamental has changed and can't be gotten back. They go on with their lives and find a way to live with the horror. Some are compelled to seek justice. Others are compelled to seek social change or to make a difference. I've been through the Aurora shootings and Columbine (as a teacher). Communities come together to help the victims and their families, and they work to make changes that make such things less likely to happen again. They remember.

      People like me who haven't been personally connected to such tragedies are changed too. I don't go into a movie theatre without locating exits and thinking "What would I do if ..." As a teacher I've spent too much time with young children explaining the unexplainable."

      And I've spent a great deal of time thinking about my students' safety, "What would I do if ..." But it wasn't enough to think about dangerous situations. With my young students it was also about their ordinary lives and how to give them a confidence that they were safe and loved, that there was a lot in the world that is good, that such horrific events happen but they are rare, that they have to be aware and smart about their environment, and that they have the potential for a good life in the future. I'm a big believer in the power of hugs and love.

      There is great evil in the world, but also great goodness. I believe that the good outweighs the bad. Seeing how people come together and help each other through such events and afterwards gives me hope.

      I will not live afraid and worrying about what might happen. I have no control over that. I live my life and continue to do the things I love, sadly less innocently and more aware. But I do them. If I let fear win, then evil has won.

      I struggle with depression (and have done so throughout my life), but I find healing and hope in love and friendship, nature, and in the goodness of ordinary people. Laughter is powerful, so I laugh a lot.

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  16. You did make me smile today though I don't know how well it went over across the pond.

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  17. Thank you, thank you, thank you for making me laugh

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    1. Oh, Jo-Anne, you're such a sweetheart.

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